Telling his wife.?

Question

I told his wife through a letter about our two year affair. I never meant to hurt her and I wasn't the only girl he ever cheated with. I fell in love and now I pay the price everyday being the other woman. I just felt that we all needed to be on the same page and have closure. He did lie to her and tell her it was just a two time thing with a girl so that he could save my identity. He still didn't tell her the truth that it was a two year thing and I feel so . He dislikes me now and says I've completely turned his world upside down and that his wife is so angry, hurt and lots of tears . I feel bad for her I really do and I hope that he will not do it again but he has made me feel so bad and I feel awful that he dislikes me so much and I cry my sleep every night. I've decided to talk to a therapist for help. He screams leave me alone and so many mean things to me. It's a huge mess and I feel all alone. I know I made a mistake but I do hurt too. I would like to hear from anyone that would have any advice or from women that are married and feel that I did the right thing.

Answer 1

I think you did the right thing. This man woulda kept cheating on his wife. I think you did it in spite, and not because you needed to clear a guilty conscious, BUT you did do what is right. She probably already suspected it, and hell yes she is going to be hurt, but you did not turn his life upside down. HE DID when he decided to hold an extramarital affair for TWO YEARS with you. He turned his world upside down when he felt his wife wasnt good enough and took the punk route and cheated, vs talking with her and trying to work out whatever differences. Better yet his, and your selfish needs, turned HER WORLD UPSIDE DOWN. Yes he dislikes you, he never cared for you and was using you and feels like **** beause he is not in control now. He doesnt control you, nor does he control his "happy" lil front of a marriage. He is completely open and exposed. He wants nothing to do with you, because he blames YOU for his infidelity. He still is lying to his wife, and if you truly want to help her, I suggest you let her know just how far things between you and her husband have gone. Not to hurt her, but so that she knows. Right now she is experiencing so many emotions... hurt, guilt, shame, denial, disbelief, anger, hate, all in one. She is, hopefully, putting him through hell. Sadly he is going to lie and cheat his way out of responsibility here too.. blaming you, and trying to "win" her back by anyway he can. And he will cheat again. They always do.

Good for you to come clean, yes ur hurting. You fell in love with this man only to find out that he wasnt with you because he loved you. You will feel bad, and in many ways you should, but you too were played by this cheater. He played his wife to be with you and he played you to stay with you. I think it is good for you to go to therapy, that can help.

I wish the best for you. Hon let this be a lesson to you for the future.

Answer 2

Well, now you have closure. You now have solid proof that he doesn't love you and never did. I can not stress enough how very important it is for you to really understand that. Notice how little he cares about your feelings and how much he cares about his wife's feelings. Do you see how he hates it that you made his wife feel bad?. Do you see how upset he is that she is angry, upset and hurt? That's love (at least his version of it). Not only does he NOT love you, but he actually "hates" you for crushing the woman who he cares about. Do you now see how you've just been used for the past 2 years of your life? Two years is a long time to be wasting on a person who viewed you as being less than pond scum! I'm glad your in therapy. Hopefully, you will learn how to attract a single man.

Answer 3

...How does that go..."what is said & done is 'water under the bridge' "...and it's too late to retract anything else said in the past... First it sounds like you're headed in the right direction about the counseling part of it... but if you are truely sincere about fixing your "spiritual" damages to yourself you first need to break all ties from either HIM or HER...! When you accept the fact that you are both to blame and then (only
then) after all is said & done then you can start the healing process (you need to leave all this behind & use it to your advantage) by getting your counseling; which at this point
is so much necessary for your healing plus you can learn from your mistakes in the process... This process won't come easy & it WILL take some HARD work on your part.... And remember this...ONLY You can save yourself with the help
of your commitment to counseling; I'm sure you'll be thankfull
later by "sticking to your guns" & following through this long
& demanding process...God Bless & Really take care of your
spiritual & physical health (they both work together)... :o)

Answer 4

I am married and my husband had an affair, and his lover told me everything. I had suspected the affair, but didnt know for sure, and I was just starting to "believe" him that it never happened when that little b*tch brought my world crashing down on me. So, no, I dont think you did the right thing. To ease your mind and your guilty conscience, you ruined someones life whose life didnt deserve to be ruined. What you and her husband did to her is despicable. The right thing should have been to never start it with him. But you were weak and you did. The way he treats you now should tell you where his heart always was, and it aint with you. He hates you for giving out his secret and hurting his wife with the truth. My husband hates his ex lover for telling me everything. I just really hate women like you and husbands like him. In my book, you are both low life pathetic loosers. Get a life and move on and go get your own man and dont be looking to us for sympathy. You get what you deserve. And i hope someday someone you love does this to you, and some woman sinks her claws into the man you are in love with.

Answer 5

Two years is a long time to have a relationship with someone. He is mainly at fault because he is married. He led you on and lied to his wife. On the other hand, you knew he was married and decided to continue your relationship with him. It is very painful for you, but probably much more hurtful to his wife. Put yourself in her place. He is not worth it. It will be hard, but counseling may help you heal. One day you will find a wonderful man who will treat you better than that guy did. Good luck to you and stay far away from him and his wife.

Answer 6

Nobody can tell you whether you did the right thing or not. That is something you have to resolve internally. Nobody else's consent is going to make you feel better. It's good that you are going through therapy now, that should help. What you need to do is completely distance yourself from that man and his wife. Leave them alone, and don't ever contact them again.

Answer 7

Yes, and boy have you taught him a lesson! That evil bast... is suffering 24/7 hahahahahaha. It's up to them what they do with their lives. Forget him. Write another letter to the wife and say you're sorry for hurting her and you regret your relationship with the slug. Don't cry over him or what you did - you had a pang of conscience and that's fine. Now learn from your mistake of being with the scum bag and move on. You're obviously a good person who was vulnerable.

Answer 8

You made matters worse by involving his wife. You did wrong and now everyone is hurting with you. Probably he does hate you. He only had you for sex or he would have left his relationship. You probably thought he would lick your feet when he was forced to leave his wife. It just doesnt go that way.

Answer 9

Thats what you get for messing with a married man.

And you don't feel bad for his wife- you feel bad for yourself! If you thought of his wife for one second, you never would of screwed HER husband!

The husband is treating you like crap now because as usual, he did not intend to leave his wife...he was just using you for free sex and occupy some time- nothing more. You aren't the one he wants to share his life with. YOU cheapened YOURSELF! Men usually wont leave a lady for a whore.

Answer 10

hi phew,,,, you reallly are sad ....yahooo hug for you ...he hurt you and he hurt hiz wife wen he made that commitment on his wedding day it didnt say oh yeh i willl have a fling .........talk to your therapist and dont get involved with married men they use people as toys and then go home to there wifes.....