What defines verbal abuse in a relationship?

Answer 1

Hey sweetie. In a way, defining verbal/emotional abuse can be difficult, especially because there are no bruises to make it clear. The fact that you suspect abuse either in your own relationship or a close friend's is already a sign. If it is your relationship, do you feel worthless and degraded? Does your partner criticize you or make everything your fault and nothing you do is good enough? Do they embarrass you in public even though they know you're uncomfortable? Have you started withdrawing from friends and family, has your partner become your only friend? If they ever name-call, that's a pretty clear sign as well.

I found a pretty good site to help you out, but there are many, many others out there.

Hope everything's okay.

Answer 2

Define Verbally Abusive

Answer 3

I have been in several abusive relationships. Physically, mentally and verbally. In these relationships I was called all kinds of names, told I wasn't good enough, that I was stupid and couldn't do anything right. They had no respect for me and was always putting me down and making me feel like I was nothing. They controlled every move that I made. I always felt like I was a piece of crap.
In a healthy relationship you don't talk to the person you love like that. You support each other, encourage each other, give compliments, affection. You have self respect as well as respect for the other person. If you are having to ask what is considered abuse, then you are probably not getting treated the way you should be. You deserve someone to love you not put you down.

Answer 4

Best Answer - Chosen By Voters

I KNOW THIS MAY SEEM TO BE A LONG ANSWER BUT I WANTED YOU TO READ THIS STUFF AND JUDGE FOR YOURSELF.


Characteristics of Verbal Abuse
Now I would like to focus on some of the characteristics of verbal abuse as outlined in The Verbally Abusive Relationship.{3}

1. Verbal abuse is hurtful and usually attacks the nature and abilities of the partner. Over time, the partner may begin to believe that there is something wrong with her or her abilities. She may come to feel that she is the problem, rather than her partner.

2. Verbal abuse may be overt (through angry outbursts and name- calling) or covert (involving very subtle comments, even something that approaches brainwashing). Overt verbal abuse is usually blaming and accusatory, and consequently confusing to the partner. Covert verbal abuse, which is hidden aggression, is even more confusing to the partner. Its aim is to control her without her knowing.

3. Verbal abuse is manipulative and controlling. Even disparaging comments may be voiced in an extremely sincere and concerned way. But the goal is to control and manipulate.

4. Verbal abuse is insidious. The partner's self-esteem gradually diminishes, usually without her realizing it. She may consciously or unconsciously try to change her behavior so as not to upset the abuser.

5. Verbal abuse is unpredictable. In fact, unpredictability is one of the most significant characteristics of verbal abuse. The partner is stunned, shocked, and thrown off balance by her mate's sarcasm, angry jab, put-down, or hurtful comment.

6. Verbal abuse is not a side issue. It is the issue in the relationship. When a couple is having an argument about a real issue, the issue can be resolved. In a verbally abusive relationship, there is no specific conflict. The issue is the abuse, and this issue is not resolved. There is no closure.

7. Verbal abuse expresses a double message. There is incongruence between the way the abuser speaks and his real feelings. For example, he may sound very sincere and honest while he is telling his partner what is wrong with her.

8. Verbal abuse usually escalates, increasing in intensity, frequency, and variety. The verbal abuse may begin with put-downs disguised as jokes. Later other forms might surface. Sometimes the verbal abuse may escalate into physical abuse, starting with "accidental" shoves, pushes, and bumps.

These are a few characteristics of verbal abuse. Next we will look at some of the categories of verbal abuse.{4}

The first category of verbal abuse is withholding. A marriage requires intimacy, and intimacy requires empathy.

The second is countering. This is the dominant response of the verbal abuser who sees his partner as an adversary. He is constantly countering and correcting everything she says and does. Internally he may even be thinking, "How dare she have a different view!"

A third category of verbal abuse is discounting. This is like taking a one hundred-dollar item and reducing its price to one cent. Discounting denies the reality and experience of the partner and is extremely destructive. It can be a most insidious form of verbal abuse because it denies and distorts the partner's actual perception of the abuse.

Sometimes verbal abuse is disguised as jokes. Although his comments may masquerade as humor, they cut the partner to the quick. The verbal jabs may be delivered crassly or with great skill, but they all have the same effect of diminishing the partner and throwing her off balance.

A fifth form of verbal abuse is blocking and diverting. The verbal abuser refuses to communicate, establishes what can be discussed, or withholds information. He can prevent any possibility of resolving conflicts by blocking and diverting.

Accusing and blaming is another form. A verbal abuser will accuse his partner of some wrongdoing or some breach of the basic agreement of the relationship. This has the effect of diverting the conversation and putting the other partner on the defensive.

Another form of verbal abuse is judging and criticizing. The verbal abuser may judge his partner and then express his judgment in a critical way. If she objects, he may tell her that he is just pointing something out to be helpful, but in reality he is expressing his lack of acceptance of her.

Trivializing can also be a form of verbal abuse. It is an attempt to take something that is said or done and make it insignificant.

Undermining is also verbal abuse. The abuser not only withholds emotional support, but also erodes confidence and determination. The abuser often will squelch an idea or suggestion just by a single comment.

Denial is the last category of verbal abuse. Although all forms of verbal abuse have serious consequences, denial can be very insidious because it denies the reality of the partner. In fact, a verbal abuser could read over this list of categories and insist that he is not abusive.

Answer 5

Anything that is demeaning, degrating and/or leaves you feeling bad about yourself.

Obviously profanities would be a sure sign, but often times can be concisdered abuse even if explicits don't to exist....it's how the comments make you feel about yourself. And I suggest that you don't hang around because long term, it has a way of getting worse and you may begin to accept the verbal assaults as truth.

Answer 6

When you verbally abuse someone you are also emotionally abusing them. Words can be considered very powerful weapons that should be used wisely. Some examples would be when you threaten and mentally injure a person by calling him/her harsh names in order to make him/her perceive oneself lower.

Answer 7

Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you are asking the question, changes are you are being verbally abused.

Answer 8

When he's mean to you calls you names says your ugly or fat stuff like that is verbal abuse!

Answer 9

There are many good answers on here to your question. There is one more that I'd like to add: When a person will not communicate with you and use text book responses (your certainly entitled to your feelings) that is abusive also.

Answer 10

Verbal abuse is language that you determine to be threatening or belittling.