Dont get me wrong, I knew when I as getting married that men and women are very different. But I didnt know we were SO DIFFERENT! We like different movies, different music. He is very much into sports - I am absolutely not. He is very active -I am more mellow. He is very talkative - I am more quiet. The list can go on and go on. I was ready for compromising and understanding when I was getting married.The point of my quiestion is - how much different is too different? We've been married for 6 months only and I am already tired of constant compromising and giving in. Or maybe we just need to give each other more time - to get used to being together and to work out the perfect relationship?How was it in your experience of the first years of marriage?
2007-07-05 07:18:26 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I learnt about all the differences in 2,5 years we knew each other . But they were... not so obvious and we seemed to be tolerating them more readily when we were dating. I guess marriage just brings everything up ...
2007-07-05 07:52:50 · update #1
It does take more time - and understanding on both parts. If you are always doing the compromising, that's not fair either. My husband and I are different in ways you describe. He's an extrovert and we have different tastes in music, tv, movies etc. You name it. But it does work out.
We do have some mutual likes - some shows and movies that we both like. We capitalize on those and make the best out of that time together. Then when we go our separate ways we just accept it. He'll come to where I am when I'm watching my shows and I'll go to him while he's watching his to spend a little time. It helps a LOT. My husband doesn't care for sports too much so that helps - that would be hard.
We've been married 10 years.
2007-07-05 07:27:02 · answer #1 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A marriage relationship is a huge commitment with tremendous give and take. No two people will be VERY alike- that is what should attract you to someone else. I think two people balance each other out. Heard the saying "opposites attract"? There is a reason. Anyway, the little things like who talks more or likes more sports or is more active or enjoys different movies; well, that all really doesn't matter. What matters is if you stick together and understand each other and respect each other on the BIG issues. Unfortunately,in the first go around in marriage, people tend to focus on the little things because of experience or maturity levels. That is what I found anyway in my experience. Definitely give your marriage the opportunity to grow. You need to discuss your feelings with your spouse openly and honestly. It is scary but the rewards can be great. Most likely, they are feeling the same thing.
2007-07-05 14:44:34 · answer #2 · answered by To Be 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first year of marriage is the hardest and I think you need to stick with it. It will get easier. However, you should go ahead and accept the fact that YOU WILL be doing most of the compromising. Sorry guys! I know I'm gonna get a lot of heat for this, but ..... Men are like big kids. They never truly grow up EVER. I've even had grown men in their fifties admit this to me! Just like a kid, they always want things their way. The quicker you accept this, the better off you will be. Good luck!
2007-07-05 14:37:39 · answer #3 · answered by yankeegirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was this an arranged marriage? Cuz you should have at least expected some of these differences. In my case, after 5 years together, we both knew what we were in for when we married. I'd say, get some counselling if you think you want to work on this.
2007-07-05 14:28:15 · answer #4 · answered by ((♫♥♪♫♥♪♫ Shivers ♫♥♪♫♥♪)) 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first year is always the hardest, and like you said you finding things out that you didn't really know and that is what the first year is really all about and the more you know each other the easier it is going to be when working out problems cause you will realize that you are individuals and you don't see things the same way and that's ok, but you will have to learn to compromise
2007-07-05 14:34:17 · answer #5 · answered by Hi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When we were dating and a few years into the marriage we had very much in common, or so I thought. Now I realize that she too was just compromising. 19 years later, we have nothing that we do together, can't agree on anything. We're roomates that share a bed. horrible.
2007-07-05 14:29:33 · answer #6 · answered by Tom S 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well they say opposites attract, but there must of been something to bring you two together, I mean you are married and all, find the things that you have in common and build on those thing and try to learn to appreciate the others interests, open you mind to something new instead of just giving in.
2007-07-05 14:28:05 · answer #7 · answered by bestadviceever 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't change people get set in their ways,have you thought of seeking an annulment.some may think I am going too far but you need to act now before there is a child involved.A marriage is like a business venture you cut your losses early before you go bankrupt
2007-07-05 14:40:37 · answer #8 · answered by miraclehand2020 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We got along fairly well, we dated for about 2 years to make sure we were compatible in lots of areas, so when we did get married there were no surprises, as I had seen her worst and her best and everything in between.
2007-07-05 14:24:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
hang in there! my first couple years were all trial and error! i would get some marriage counseling. my husband and i are opposites also! good luck!
2007-07-05 14:24:07 · answer #10 · answered by sunshinembf 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋