He cheated! What now?

Question

I just posted a question similar to this but I need opinions please help me, my husband cheated on me with 2 different women and he says he will never do it again, but I dont beleive him, and I love him very much but I am so devastated and I cannot forgive him for this. Should I leave him? He says if I leave him he will try to hurt me, but if I dont he doesnt want to hear any more about this. Help? Im scared of him and I dont want to live like this. How do I leave him? When?

Answer 1

First of all do not ever allow anyone to threaten you. You need to let your parents, family member, best friend, someone know what has happened and that you were threatened.

Secondly, it is most likely an idle threat, he doesn't want to lose a good thing, so he is going to say anything he can to keep you there.

If he is a "cheater" and that is what I would call him, because it didn't just happen once. Even though he says it won't happen again - I truly feel once a cheater, always a cheater, because he isn't strong enough to say NO.

There are men and women who could cheat, and never do it again and change, but this guy has already done it twice and then turns it all on you and threatens you if you leave.

This is not a man, but a child, who needs to grow up before he can be married.

NEVER stay with anyone who doesn't treat you as you SHOULD be treated, he has disrespected you - don't let it continue. Move in with friends or family and if necessary get a restraining order against him.

Good luck, remember to be protective of yourself!

Answer 2

You've added a few critical details. The fact that he is threatening to hurt you is a big red flag. He is in the wrong for cheating and should be willing to do anything to gain your forgiveness. You should not have to be afraid of your own husband and he shouldn't expect you to never talk of it again. Those are some big, big issues. The way to leave him is when he is not home. Take the things you need the most and go. Start some light packing if you can and hide it in the car or closet. Have a place set up to go - a friend or relative. Good luck. You do deserve better.

Answer 3

This is super serious. First, you should definitely leave him. Cheating twice? No. Second, if he's threatened to hurt you if you leave you should explore options with the police department (eg. temporary restraining orders). Life is too short, you can't stay in a situation that will most likely breed further distrust and anguish. Get out. There are plenty of public health and service organizations that will help you. I know it's hard but you don't want to go through this again in five or ten years - think of all the time that will have been wasted! You could instead spend that time recovering and moving on with your life. Good luck!

Answer 4

Protect yourself first and your marriage second..I read somewhere that there are three deal breakers to any marriage(and this was a survey taken of people married for 40 plus years) Abuse, Addiction and Affairs. An affair can be survived and the marriage saved but only after a LOT of communication and a LOT of rebuilding of trust. If you can't trust him you won't be able to move on..it takes time for the fear of him leaving to stop but the trust has got to be restored for it to work and if he's not willing to talk and work on it then it seems like the decision has already been made for you. In the end you have to decide when you can't take anymore and most importantly take steps to protect youself. No advice is going to make the decision for you ...only you know how much more you can take and if you'll ever be able to trust again. Good luck...also try contacting the Beyond Affairs Network (they're on the web) and they have a LOT of good resources and also offer counseling.

Answer 5

Well, I think you have already made your decision about leaving him. If you can't live that way and don't trust him, then you should leave. I would find a time when he isn't home. Maybe when he goes to work. Pack up your things and go stay with a friend or something. It would be best if you could arrange a place that he doesn't know. A friend he hasn't met or doesn't know where they live would be good. I would suggest taking an inventory of items that may be contested during the divorce. Maybe take pictures. And then I would get a lawyer as soon as possible.

Answer 6

This is a dangerous question to answer. No mater who's
advise you take, it could still turn out bad.
You must leave him. Plan it out first, where you can go, try to find more than just 1 place. You will need the help and support
of family and friends. Check out support groups in your area.
If he cheated on you not only once but twice, he will do it again. To further show his personality he threatens you. I'm sure I'm not the first to tell you this guy is bad news.
P.S don't call the police until your plan is ready! As there is very little they can do.

Answer 7

Ummmm...forget the cheating part! "If I leave him he will try to hurt me..." That would be my concern. As for cheating...once a cheater always a cheater, never to be trusted again, only possibly forgiven and loved. But that comment he said to you...I would contact the police, get a restraining order, find a safe haven (abused woman shelter). Start being smart. If you feel safe enough, he is not abusing you now...wait a few weeks, start setting aside money, get a new cell phone and only give out the number to specific, trustworthy people, buy self-defense devise (tazer, stun gun--whatever is legal in your state).
When you leave him, makesure not to use any joint account or credit cards. Make sure not to place any calls that could be traced. Use *67 when calling any number to block caller ID. Stay away from areas you know he frequents. Good luck.

Answer 8

If he said he is going to hurt you then leave him. You shouldn't be with anyone that is going to cause you pain. You should just pick up and leave, like when he is gone off to work ask a girlfriend to help you pack and leave. If you really think he is going to hurt you when you leave you should a retraining order on him so he wouldn't do anything to hurt you. And you said so yourself that you cannot forgive him for what he did, so why would you want to continue the relationship with someone you cannot forgive, i hope this helps, but im sure there is someone else out there that can appreciate you.

Answer 9

NO....leaving is not the answer if you truly love him.....but if you will never trust him again then you need to understand the tourment you will put yourself through....i did cheat on my wife and asked a question similar but why after seven yrs do i still not have her trust or will not have it used as a weapon everytime we disagree......and the answer is still a mystery.do you want to leave if so there are numerous ways to recieve help for the fear.....is he abusive already?...then yes i would leave no matter how much you love him....did he only do this once or did he make a mistake...two women two diff. occasions....dont think he cares like you do....if you believe he really truly loves you and wants to work it out then counseling....its the only way....you will forgive but never forget......once a cheater always a cheater.i will never cheat on my wife again but it doesnt remove any of the pain i caused when i did....

Answer 10

Does he go anywhere for a long periods at a time, like a week or so?
If so, if you can hang that long leave then, get a couple of girlfriends together and pack up and leave.
Try and get a restraining order out on him after that.
If he threatens then usually you should take the hint.
Oh and don't give it up to him who knows what he could have caught from those other 2. You could try going to the police or call your local police and see what they say.