I know this should maybe be in the relationship category but...?

Question

Met a guy around 32 years of age that I've been seeing for awhile now. We got into the discussion of money. He has a good job (been there 12 years), but doesn't really have any savings (about $900) and lives paycheck to paycheck. He's been divorced awhile now and received just about $14,000 after all was said and done. That $14000 has since been spent--in about 4-5 months. I'm a saver and have money invested in a 401K plus a state retirement plan. I kind of got a shock when he indicated it didn't matter to him if he was "financially secure" when it came time to make big decisions whether it be to buy somthing or start a family...he just does it. I asked this question in the singles/dating forum and got only one answer that indicated "maybe you can teach him how to save money". My gut tells me to not pursue. Please tell me I'm not shallow for thinking about money when it comes to dating/relationships. Are there any guys out there in their 30's that like to save like I do?

Answer 1

There are plenty of guys out there who worry about their futures and want to save money. You are not shallow for worrying about this. Studies show that the most common topic for couples to fight about is money. If you're trying to save and he's always spending, there could be big fights in your future.

Answer 2

I'm a guy in his thirties who would rather save, I can't do that right now. My girlfriend is in her forties and spends rather freely, yet is fairly secure. My divorce left me a financial mess, but attitude and drive will eventually get me out of it. If you would have asked me a year ago if this relationship was going to last I would have said "I doubt it", yet we are still going strong. We have more in common than differences, and we complement each other in many ways it sounds a little corny but she is the Yin to my Yang. Although money is important do the Pros outweigh the Cons? Do you think you are a better more complete person when you are with him? If it is only your different spending philosophies that is driving you to consider ending the relationship I would say look deeper there is probably more that you are not considering both good and bad, if money is the only thing that is driving the decision however then you may just be shallow. Sometimes it is safer in the shallow end, and it is better to err on the side of safety. The best thing to do is be open and honest about your concerns and judge the situation as a whole.

Answer 3

I can relate completely....

I am 33 years old and max out my 401k and roth IRA's each year and try to save as much as possible while enjoying the rest..... but i save first, enjoy second.

I watched a 7 year relationship go downhill due to money. She was a spender... and at the time my income was less than 1/2 what it is now and she made about the same amount... ..i contributed what i could to my 401 but it wasn't much..... she didnt save a penny... if we had an extra 300$ in the account i wanted at least 150 in our JOINT savings account for emergencies she wanted new jeans, shorts eating out movie etc etc... it was a constant source of conflict and ended up dooming our relationship...

I dont think you are being shallow at all...
i have heard there are 3 main sources of conflict in a relationship...
1. sex... if the couple isnt sexually compatible it leads to conflict eventually
2. in-laws... families must at least tolerate one another or else lines get drawn.
3. Money... you need to at least have some common goals to work towards.

I am now married and my wife (diff woman) and i sometimes argue over money... she likes to spend more than i do..but not by much... (she is very frugal from liing check to check for so long... she's a teacher) .... But most importantly we compromise with each other and talk about what we want and share similar goals... I work more at enjoying the life my income can afford...she has increased her 401k contribution to her comfort level... after that we try to spend where it makes the most enjoyment ... like staying at motel 6 when we go to san diego... and while we eat out more often than i'd like .. we do it at less expensive restaurants.

-i'd end the relationship..

cheers and good luck

Answer 4

Trust me, you should not per sue this relationship. Money is a huge reason why marriages don't last. I do not think that this is shallow at all. You should be concerned, and should be proud of yourself for really checking out these types of issues before you get too involved. Same as with the topics of children, marriage, religion and sex. These also should be taken into consideration when you are looking for Mr. right. You will find the right guy, don't worry!

Answer 5

Money disagreements cause more divorces than just about any other single category. Be very careful.

There are men who are savers like yourself who are available. You might check some financial discussion forums for men who think like you do and are single.

Answer 6

We all have gut feelings or intuition. Unfortunely many times we just don't listen. I don't believe your concern is strictly about money but more about your values. You can't change other people they can only change themselves. No relationship is perfect but you deserve someone who cares about your values and about the relationship. Living for today is important, living your life to the fullest-today is necessary but planning for your future is important too.

Answer 7

Finances are not just a small part of our lives any longer. They are the biggest part. No, you are not shallow for considering it.

Follow your gut and break it off.

Savers and Spenders are like oil and water. They do not mix.

A friend of my just broke it off with his girlfriend because of financial issues. His quote: "...she had no savings, no credit, and no desire to do anything about it......"

Answer 8

Stay away from him.

You may not realize it yet but you are too different to be compatible.

Money is a part of every part of your life.

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Answer 9

what everyone above me said.....