Do you the see the beauty of having a child with special needs?

Question

My daughter is 9 years old and has autism. In the beginning of getting a diagnosis, life was a series of questions.

We have speech, occupational, massage, physical therapy as well as routine doctors appointments every 3 months, but I have learned to appreciate her for who she is.

She is a beautiful, energetic, inquizative child. She makes you smile. She is happy with simple things and she is so trusting. I am so proud of her and her accomplishments.
I see so many times, parents saying, OH POOR ME, but I just wanted to take the time and say I love my daughter as she is and living life through her eyes, makes the world a better place.

I also have a "normal child". My son is 7 and spectacular.

Life is good. Even if a child has a disability. It isn't what you would choose, but there are blessings in every child.

John L
She has been potty trained since she was 2, so she may just be changing my diapers at 75, but thanks for pointing that out.

The Mouse:
I have scars on my arms and neck from being attacked my my daughter. She was extremely agressive in the past. She runs off or wanders off in stores or into the street.
She doesn't use clear speech.
She is hyper (ADHD).
He has asthma, severe reflux, ADHD, Mild Mental Retardation.

AND I think that she is PERFECT because she is MY GIRL:)

So life isn't PERFECT, but life is GOOD:)

Answer 1

My daughter with autism is now 14. We knew when she was two that she was not developing "normally," but didn't get the definitive diagnosis of autism until she was 7 (she is HFA). It wasn't until then that we discovered all her problems were basically uncurable/unfixable. It was difficult, initially, to come to terms with not having/losing the child I'd "thought" I'd have (that perfect little human every pregnant mom dreams of), and coming to accept the child I actually DID have. I think I finally hit that place by the time she was 8 or 9 or so.

I still have the occasional bad day when I worry about her future, and wonder if she will ever get better or if the life she is living now will essentially be the type of life she has til the end. I wonder if she's happy, since she can't really tell me, and I wonder if I have done everything I should/could do for her.

Most of the time, though, I thank all my lucky stars that I have her. I wouldn't trade her for anything. Most days, I think that if there WAS a "cure," I would have to think long and hard about whether or not to have her take it, because then she wouldn't be "my girl" - the child I have come to love and appreciate.

I will tell you this: I have learned far more from her, than I could ever hope to teach her. She has brought more to my life than I can ever repay.

Answer 2

"Do you the see the beauty of having a child with special needs?" I guess - some do - some don't but that doesn't mean they hate the child - just the disability.

This question can be read in two ways.
1) "Having a disability is wonderful and people should give birth to a child with a disability"
or 2) "Having a child with a disability can also have a positive effect on you as a parent"

It is basically about attitude to disability. Society sometimes puts a patronising, condescending attitude towards disability - for example "You are so special, that is why God gave you that child to look after" or "You child is special" . There is nothing "special" about being born with a disability. If it is so good - why would people put down, jeer, teased, make fun of someone with a disability?

It is great that you see your experience as being a positive one. Many families feel that the disability - while not a nice thing ot have - actually strengthen them as a family - and that is a good thing. But if you are a parent of an autistic child who runs off, bashed a hole in every wall of the house, screams constantly, is non-verbal and can not be reasoned with, I don't think you will see the "beauty of having a child with special needs".

In your case - you seem to have a positive family such that you are strengthened by getting over the obstacles the disability has put in front of you - and that is wonderful. But please don't get trapped by the "aren't disabled kids so wonderful and inspirational?" attitude. People who say that generally never had to care for kids that they have to chase after into on coming traffic, spoon-feed them every meals, dodge the thrown lunch boxes or apologise to the general public when the kids grabbed a stranger's arm real tight and don't let go.

Not everyone with a disability is wonderful. Some have a chip on their shoulder and can be a real royal pain.

By no mean I am putting you down. Just please, don't trapped into the patronising type of ideas sometime the media portrays in the "feel good stories" you see on those 60-Minutes type stories.

Answer 3

I think it is amazing that you can have this attitude. My sister has an autistic son. She feels like this too....or that's what she says....not that I think she is lying. He is now 20....very violent at the drop of a hat (always has been, but now is a very big man)....and he beats her too when he has his frequent 'meltdowns' as she calls them. Her marriage fell apart when he was little. The father sees him on and off. She says she will never put him anywhere else, but the rest of the family knows that it may not work this way. I know I could never handle all the years and problems she has dealt with. We have all been involved in his care to the extent she allowed....she was in denial about the extent of his problems for a long time....and to a degree I think she still is...but I suppose that's what happens when you love a child. A disabled child is a huge undertaking and gets bigger with aging into disabled adulthood. God bless the parents of these children....especially the severely affected ones. God bless my sister.

Answer 4

Life is special and thanks to the Mom for stepping up to the plate while others would run.

We need to do away with most taxes and return the money to the people so a Mom or a Father can stay home and be a parent and not have to work 140 hours a week so a lazy person can get a welfare paycheck they didn't earn.

The Church or Synagogue that this family goes to, needs to surround this special family with prayers, times of service and physical help.

We need to stop building our own self-centered kingdoms & build the Kingdom of G-D according to Matthew 6:33 etc.

Glad to see this special child was not aborted but have a chance to help others see life differently than they would have seen.

Life is good go with the G-D of Abraham, Isaac, & Jacob Amen

Answer 5

My daughter has ADHD, ODD and Dyslexia and it was really tough at times, and with lots of encouragement, love and support she managed to complete her education, and is now a qualified Disability support worker. And I am so proud of her.

My daughter and I both work very closely with some young people with severe disabilities and their parents. And I know that working with a young disabled person can be full of ups and downs, some times the down days can be truly awful, like when they are really sick. But what make me smile and forget just for a little time they have a disability is when the child smiles at you, or when they wrap their arms around you, or when you hear them squeal with delight at either hearing your voice or seeing you.

I honestly take my hat off to parents who love their child unconditionally and will do any thing to give their child a full and loving life, that they so richly deserve. I get to go home at the end of the day, they don't.

Answer 6

My grandaughter is severly disabled, CP, ADHD, Autistic, cannot sit or talk, but is a happy child and brings love and joy to the family. She is beautiful also.

You know these children choose the families they want to be born into before their little spirits come into the womb while you are pregnant. They choose you for a parent because they know you are what they need and they are what you need. My grandaughter has brought much love and a level of maturity to my daughter I never would have imagined. She has proved herself to be a very special young woman and has a very special family with her husband and her four children, including her special needs child. She would not trade her special child for anything in the world.

Blessings to you and all who raise these children. They need the love you provide, and you need the love they give in return. It is a special relationship that few of us will ever experience.

Answer 7

There is beauty in every child no matter what. Especially those with disabilities. You often find beauty in ordinary things when you see them through their eyes. They are so innocent. It is not up to you to judge how other parents feel though. Every experience is different. They also love their children but may need to vent from time to time. I have family members with disabilities and it isn't always a picnic. That does not mean that we don't love them or accept them. It just means there are good days and bad days but there is always a celebration when a small step has been accomplished. It is great that you love your children, so don't judge others that also love theirs!

Answer 8

They say life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Obviously, you have a positive attitude about having an autistic daughter and that's a good thing for both you and your daughter. You can teach her that her "disability" doesn't have to be a crutch, she just thinks differently from most people. You can even help her do some research on how she can turn her interests into a satisfying career. God bless both you and your daughter.

Answer 9

Al that therapy I can well relate to doing speech and some physio therapy growing up. And yes it did help a bit.

Just make her feel normal as much as possible. I do not like the idea of been called special needs. Fouces on her talents
and give her the chance to shine in what ever she good at.

Answer 10

You are such a wonderful and loving parent and I know you are blessed to have such a wonderful child in your life. You really should be proud of her and her accomplishments. As I read this, it really made me feel good and made my day. I have a nephew with autism and he is grown now. He is a wonderful young man and is very smart with a great sense of humor and I'm certainly proud of him. That was very heart warming and inspiring and I thank you so very much. God Bless You and Yours!