Who was wrong- my mom or husband?

Question

Yesterday for 4th of July we had a small get together at my place of both families. My 17 year old sister invited her boyfriend without asking either one of us and my husband asked him to leave (no one else likes this boyfriend except my mom). The boyfriend asked why and my husband told him he was not invited. So the boyfriend left and my mom and grandmother started arguing with my husband about how rude he was for asking him to leave. Knowing my husband very well it went better than I thought it would have (my husband has a record for violence and other assault cases)- I think he took care of it in a calm manner. Now my mom and grandma said they would never over to my place again. Do you think my husband was wrong? Should I apologize to my mom and sister?

The assault cases were back when we were in high school. I know it's my home too but I wasn't trying to argue in front of family members. The guy left peacefully and that's what I wanted too.

Answer 1

I don't think there was anything wrong with asking him to leave. If any anger should be pointed it should be at your sister for not asking permission. It was a family gathering and your home. You have right to ask him to leave.

Sounds like your sister was being sneaky because she knew if she asked you would say no.

Answer 2

I applaud your husband for not being violent. And I applaud your Mom for stepping up. I would say I think your mom and grandma don't like your husband because had "violent cases" in the past. I think you need to explain to your mother and your grandmother "the past is the past," You cant go back and change what has already happened nor can you take back what you say when it has already been said. I think your sister had fault as well though. She had no right to invite her boyfriend unless you and your husband gave her permission.To answer your question no, you shouldn't have to apologize. but you need to explain the past is the past and your sister cant invite someone somewhere without permission especially when they is a lot of tension between two people that is bound to happen

Answer 3

I think you and your husband were completely in the wrong. You were rude and only thought of your own feelings. Would it have killed you for the sake of family harmony to deal with your sister and her boyfriend for a few hours at a family gathering? What are you going to do when she marries the guy? Not talk to her for the rest of your life? You invited your sister, everyone else had someone there, perhaps she wanted a date so she wouldn't be bored out of her mind while she was there.

And since you mentioned it, why are you married to a psycho with an anger problem? You don't like your sister's boyfriend for whatever unmentioned reasons, but you're married to a guy with a police record, so how does that make you any better?

Answer 4

It's not "wrong" per se. The problem is that your mom and others are affected by your decision to date this ex husband, and as far as they are concerned you're intentionally disrespecting your mother. So the issue is not whether or not it's "wrong." The issue is whether or not you are willing to continue to cause drama within your family in order to date this person. He may be worth that to you, and that's acceptable as it's your situation. For all I know your family is a huge problem and a continuous source of problems for you anyway so this is nothing new. However, if your family is generally good to you, and you wish to have general long-term harmony with your family, you must understand your decision to continue dating this man and not reconcile differences will come with a price. "Wrong?" No. It's a matter of you weighing the benefits with the downsides and deciding what's best for you. It makes no difference that your mom is attractive and might be able to get someone else. It's what this man represents to her, and represents to the family in general, that is of concern. If you were asking me whether or not you should stay with him, I'd say you should find someone else to avoid more problems. Of all the people out there, he's probably not the best choice due to the inherent problems. However, the decision is yours, and only you know how much you're willing to lose with your family in the long term compared to what he is able to give you as a boyfriend, whether that be short or long term.

Answer 5

If this was your husbands home yes he had every right to ask someone to leave whom he did not invite but it was rude and your sis may have asked but, to make for a peaceful and happy day he may not have done this and let it be. sooner or later you'll have to step in and maybe you should have. Isn't this your home also? did hubby ask you what you thought? If nobody likes your sis's BF and you have a violent Husband then I would guess that you may not have a say in this house at all. Don't apologize for what your husband does.

Answer 6

If the gathering was at your place and you did not invite the boyfriend, then your husband was within his rights to ask the guy to leave, particularly if, as you say, he handled it calmly and politely.

No, you should not apologize to your mother. To your sister you may owe a little explanation, but not an apology.

Families are tough!

Answer 7

If it was your house then you have every right to invite/not invite whomever you wish to your home. He was within his (social) rights to ask this guy to go.

Was in poor taste? Possibly. If he wasn't rude, overt, or make too much of a scene out of it. If your sister was not aware that he wasn't welcome then she might not have invited him, and your husband might have acted rashly about it. If your sis knew he was an unwelcome sort then she (or anyone else) should be offended, or suprised by him being asked to leave.

Answer 8

sounds to me like your sister was the one that was wrong. but you know they will still be b/f g/f and now the family is mad at each other. so no matter what it takes. apologize and make things right with the family. and be more careful about have guest. and yes it your house and you decide who can be there.

Answer 9

NO i dont think your husband handled it the wrong way, i think he handled it fine, you mom and grnadmother should not be mad becasue you asked someone to leave becasue they were not invited and did not want them in your home, its your home not theirsyou shouldnt be sorry for anything.

Answer 10

I don't think there is a wrong or right - it sounds like your mother doesn't like your husband - probably because of the "violence and assault cases".

It was your house, so I don't think your husband was worng, but you probably don't want to start a war about it. maybe explain why your husband asked him to leave.