I am 37 hubby is 39 so time getting on as we started late but known each other a long time. I have always wanted 4 kids he would have been happy with one.
He says he cant handle the ones we have never mind any more and get stressed easy. He is in the Army and away quite a lot. I am a childminder and dont find it that hard. I want all my kids to have the same dad and really love my husband but I really want another baby.
Do I get pregnant and have a big mistake (which Id rather not do) or have the 3 he is happy with and always feel I missed out on it?
I really want the four but want to be honest. He has a 20 grand custom harley and a new car so does not go without his wants.
please help me if you have been in a simliar situation
Can I just say I have PCOS and know we are very lucky to have them especially as so many cant have kids so I know they are special every day!
much appreciated
2007-07-05 06:28:09 · 21 answers · asked by claredannyd 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your youngest child is only 9 mths. Being a mother myself, I was in somewhat the same situation where I wanted more children and my husband didn't. You need to give him time to adjust to the 3 you have before talking too much about another one. You don't want to put a rift in your marriage by pushing the subject. Your ages should have no part of this as people have started having kids much older than you. I have a wonderful husband (almost 20 years of marriage) who has done everything he can to support our family even with all our children. I have been blessed, because of it, to be able to stay home most of the time. If your husband is able to purchase nice, new stuff then finances seem no problem. Just don't push the issue and maybe he will agree in a year or so. My husband wanted to stop at 4. We now have 7 beautiful children and neither one of us regret having any of them. We are done having our children but it is the mother instinct, I believe, that makes us feel different from our spouses. You may not ever get over the feeling of "missing one". ( I still haven't, but know I'm done)
2007-07-05 07:31:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you want to keep your marriage, do not have another baby. Your husband has already told you that he doesn't want another child.
Us women may not have trouble with 'child-minding', but men have different stresses about raising children. They must make the money and provide for the entire family. What about college funds for the kids? More kids = less money and more stress for the whole family.
Men don't forgive easily for being tricked into an unwanted pregnancy. If you don't mind living the rest of your life with a man who resents you for tricking him into another baby, by all means betray his trust and selfishly get yourself pregnant.
What is it with "I've always wanted four kids" that you think trumps his not wanting another child? So you've always wanted four kids? So what? I've always wanted my own tropical island - but it doesn't mean I'm going to get it.
Enjoy the family that you have now. The grass isn't any greener on the other side. Your life will not be more complete with more mouths to feed. You won't feel like you've accomplished your lifetime's wish of your ideal four kids, when your husband is stressed out all of the time. You won't be happy that you got your way when you could end up divorced over it - and that does happen. And what kind of emotional health would that child inherit if he/she was the reason why his/her parents marriage ended?
If you resent your husband's toys then get some toys for yourself, but don't make a baby your new toy.
Don't risk it.
2007-07-05 18:27:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children and things like a Harley or a New Car are NOT THE SAME THING!!!
Raising children takes work from both parents not matter how good you think you are at it.
You need to decide if your happiness out or ways that of your husband's happiness. Next look at how each of your actions can effect the other. You have a wonder family and continue to have a wonderful family or you get one more child and your husband can't handle and everything falls apart. Does the joy of having one MORE child justify what you may lose.
2007-07-05 08:38:02 · answer #3 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband wanted 2 children and I wanted 3, so with the second pregnancy I had twins. When he found out I was having twins he just said "Well, it's not like we can give one of them back."
Seriously though, I really think you need to respect his wishes at this time. Marriage is a partnership and this is a major decision that you both must agree on. Anything less than that would be completely disrespecting him. A child is not something any man should be forced into having. He has a right to his opinion, just as you have a right to yours. Let him know how you feel and in time he may change his mind.
I say this because my husband who only wanted 2 kids years ago, later decided he wanted 4 (go figure???). I did not want any more at this time. A few years went by with him nagging me every now and then, before I finally said yes. I didn't agree to it because of his nagging but because I had changed my mind and really did want another at THAT time.
So let him know how you feel and in time he may come around to your way of thinking. Who knows, by then you may be thinking more like he is right now (lol).
Good luck
2007-07-06 04:12:33 · answer #4 · answered by shandi232000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For goodness sake grow up!!!! Are you seriously asking should you have a "Big mistake called a 4th child"...imagine how that child would feel being referred to as a big mistake!!!!
I think you need to consider your husbands feelings in all this. he has already said to you that one would have been enough and you already have 3...and quite a handful judging by their ages.
You could risk putting excess strain and ruin your marriage if you just get pregnant on purpose for the 4th time without your husbands agreement.
Consider the fact you have already got three lovely kids and a happy husband. Enjoy them as you already seem to. You sound like a great Mum. Glad you treasure your kids.
Just chill and enjoy the kids you have and the extra luxuries you can still afford. having another may rock the boat too much....and could cost you more than you bargain for....
2007-07-05 07:16:05 · answer #5 · answered by laplandfan 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not cheat on your husband just to have another baby. Why is 4 such an important number to you anyways? Remember that your husband has already sacrificed so that you could have three children when he only wanted one. Love the kids you have and remember that these children will fill your life to the brimming point. Concentrate on them. Years go by fast and you will be holding grand babies in your arms which holds its own blessings.
Also, know that if you cheat on your husband just to have another baby, he will never truely forgive you and neither will the children you already have. They will resent the new baby for what it represents; as the thing that tore your family apart.
2007-07-05 06:41:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being selfish in the extreme. Not only does your husband not want any more children, 3 is more than enough for anyone. Imagine what would happen if we all had 3 children - the world has too many people already.
And to compare your wanting another child with the fact that "He has a 20 grand custom harley and a new car" - well, what can I say? Children are not commodities!
2007-07-05 06:46:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
You have to compromise - he wanted one you got three. What material goods he has is totally irrelevant - you are talking about another life here which your husband has told you he does not want. Imagine if it was the other way around. Say, you wanted one but hubby went on and on and on and on at you to have another, then another and then another - what advice would you give to a woman in that position. It's the same for men too. They are not just walking sperm banks and wallets - unfortunately, some women think they are and wonder why the men eventually leave them! Be fair.
2007-07-05 06:42:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having kids are not the decision of 1 person, but 2, is u and ur husband who need to sit down and talk it out. If he loves u so much and know that the 4th kid is 1 of ur dream, he might consider to have it with u, unless he has reasonable reason not to have another 1 and if u think it is not reasonable, can always talk things out. Good luck...
2007-07-05 06:41:45 · answer #9 · answered by Yvonne 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you want to stay married to this guy, do NOT have another child! If you insist on having another, and he doesn't want to, he may not stick around to be a good father to the ones you already have. Be happy with them, they sure must give you a full life. Sooner or later your family will grow bigger as they have kids of their own. Believe me, being a divorced mom is not fun - I was one. It's not good for the kids either.
2007-07-05 06:36:00 · answer #10 · answered by BrooklynInMyBones 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋