What would you do if your spouse did this?

Question

Last week my husband was talking to his g-pa on the phone and I heard him say "SURE! Grandpa, stay as long as you like!" He hangs up the phone and I just stare at him and am like "What was that all about?" He says "Oh, grandpa is staying with us 3 days a week for the next few weeks, he got a part time job in this area and lives about 3 hrs away with my mom so we agreed it'd be easiest to have him stay with us, honey" I just tell him that he could have asked me first, to see if it was ok since we are having severe marriage problems as it is and need to work them out by ourselves. We've been married only a year and a half, 22/23 yrs old. ANYWAY....so he says he is sorry and tells me that he will call g-pa and tell him that I said no..I tell him not to be retarded, that it will make me look bad if he did. He freaks out and says he doesn't understand why I am being so mean,and that it is not a big deal, that he will just ask me first next time. I can't stand this g-pa either. I am so mad..

SORRY..JUST NEEDED TO VENT

i DID tell my husband, but he didn't care

I do have a full time job as well

The grandpa is not cool at all. He is 50-something yrs old and uses people like crazy. He owes everyone money.

I am not going to kick g-pa out, I'm not that mean, I just don't understand my husband's thinking.
I am like a little old lady and we don't hardly ever have company so everything in the house has a place. The dogs even know that and they are hyper pugs!

I didn't say he was 50 , he's 50something. His gparents had his mom when they were like 15 and 16. His family is all very young. I'm guessing his grandpa is about 58 or 59

Answer 1

he should of talked to you first

Answer 2

He is obviously an idiot. I think he did that becuz you guys are having problems. He either did it out of spite becuz he knew it would make you mad or he did it so there would be someone else around so the focus wouldn't be on your problems. He only offered to call back so you would say no. Look, I don't know how long you have been having problems and what is the source of them. I would vent to your best friend or your mom cuz it appears that you have told him and it is time to get over it. Make plans to be out of the house when g-pa stays over. Go out with the girls. Or get a hobby of some sort at the time when he gets home. Make your husband spend all time with him. HE is the one who offered him to say. Or I would also think about getting into marriage counseling. Go see a therapist when g-pa is home. At least you would be killing 2 birds with one stone. Good Luck.

Answer 3

You are correct in your feelings that your husband should have discussed it with you first before he invited someone (regardless of who it may have been) to stay in your home. Why don't you give grandpa a call yourself and share the straight-skinny with him about some of the problems you and your husband need to work on in private so he could be aware of the uncomfortable situation he could be walking into. If grandpa knew that your husband spoke too soon, he might be able to see that as one of the problems you are having, as well, which is a lack of communication. He might even understand and change his mind on his own about coming. If your marriage is going on the rocks, this issue should not be allowed to become a contributing factor. If you are going to be demonized, there is no need for you to suffer through an uncomfortable living situation along with it.

Answer 4

I agree, your husband should have talked to you first - but, since he didn't you have to move forward.

Make time to get to know Grandpa - he might have some good qualities after all.

Talk to your husband at a calm time about the best ways to deal with things while Grandpa is there.

Make time for yourself - you and your husband, and you alone. You'll need it.

My parents came to visit for a month straight a couple of years ago. It was hard, but I'm glad now that we were able to offer them a nice time. But I won't ever do that again. My husband and I talked and we agreed to set limits. This could be an opportunity to work things out .

Good luck!

Answer 5

Hi sounds like your Husband isnt making life easy at all . Really sorry to hear theres problems as well , He sounds a rather unconsiderate person and you would be well advised to think about moving on to a more considerate person who would treat you better.Anyway If i was married and was having major troubles the last thing i would do is to tell another family member to come and stay and esp after not having even asked my wife first. After all it is a marriage where 2 people are involved and its not like its only affecting him, just sounds very unthoughtful of him to do it . you need time to thnk about where the marriage is going and not have some interfering family member inposing on your already stressful situation . The last thing you need is a family member from his side that you dont really like being there to make things even worse. I fear this act could end up maybe being the end for you both if things dont get sorted. anyway im here if you want to chat ....,

Answer 6

Life is too short to make yours miserable. If you and your husband are already having problems, working on your marriage should be first priority, and it sounds like grandpa will only add more strain on it. Talk with your husband to agree on grandpa's last day, then make sure HE delivers the news to grandpa because he's the one who told him he could stay. Don't be shy in letting your husband know exactly how you feel about his grandfather but that you are willing to make concessions because you love him. Don't hold this decision (to let grandpa stay a while) over your husband's head. It takes a while to become good at thinking like a married man.

Answer 7

Bein you guys are married and you share the roof over your heads he should've asked you first or talked to you about it to see how you felt about this. his grandpa should've knownt that some things are an inconvenience cause it takes away from your privacy and I know hes family but you probably like to be home alone and relax. you said you both have marriage problems too, thats gonna be weird trying to talk things out in front of his grandpa. I would just let it go this time but make you talk with your husband and you both agree on something next time..its just weird how his grandpa would accept a job knowing how far it was and without asking around first.

Answer 8

You are having trouble because neither of you are communicating. Also because neither of you are actually behaving towards each other like a married couple. Get into counseling right now, because you aren't going to make it if you don't.

Your mother in law has no business making decisions involving your life without including you. You need to recognize that your husband isn't the only one to blame here. Anyone would understand that a newly married couple need privacy and she has managed to sabotage that. What is your g-pa in law doing getting a job three hours from where he works? Seems like that should have been important to have worked out before he took the job. How long is this supposed to go on? Until he dies?

Your husband needs to grow up and call a spade a spade. He needs to talk to his g-pa and tell him that you two are having issues and you really need the privacy to work those out. He needs to tell him that he will help him out for a few weeks but then g-pa needs to make other arrangements. Maybe you can help him find a sleeping room near his job.

Stand your ground but do it like a grown up married woman. Stop whining and harping. Put out the issue, allow your husband to make mistake (you are) and get the gumption up to save your marriage. You made promises to each other a year ago, what did you mean by them or were they just for show?

Good luck.

Answer 9

I am guessing that you never told him that you didn't like his grandpa. I think it was thoughtless of him to not ask you about this. But he probably wants to help his grandpa out, and since it's for only 3 weeks, and 3 days a week, maybe you could be kind enough to help out. There aren't that many older people who can or want to even work and he probably needs the money. And who knows, maybe having him around might help diffuse your difficulties, give you some other views on things. If you really, really don't want to, then let your husband know. But I think it would be kind of you to help. What comes around goes around....

Answer 10

wow, you seriously called him retarded? Not cool. next time, you gotta calm down and express your feelings through a relaxed conversation. The worst that could have happened in that situation was that his grandpa came and stayed ith you guys. Its mens nature to do things without asking, you should give your husband some slack. It wouldnt have ruined your life. Actually, It probably would have strengthened you guys' relationship and drawn you closer. There is always opportunity out there, you just have to go for it.

Answer 11

You are right and he should have talked it over with you first but he didn't and he said he would in the future so i would be the bigger person and treat his G pa with respect while he is in my home and I would have a good talk with my husband and make it plain that in the future anything that concerns both of us should be discussed before hand or I will refuse to go along with it.
Good luck