I was cheated on by my first serious boyfriend back in high school and I have not been able to let go of that even though it was almost 7 years ago. Now, I find that I am always wondering if my husband has cheated on me. How do I get rid of this feeling and how do I get to the bottom of it and find out if he really did?
2007-07-05 05:01:16 · 30 answers · asked by I LOVE BEING A MOMMY 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess I should add that I didn't always feel like my husband was cheating on me, only recently did I get this feeling. Am I wrong for thinking this way? Without getting into too much detail...he has a facebook account and there were a few comments on there from girls I didn't like....
2007-07-05 05:14:36 · update #1
my first wife cheated on me after 14 years of marriage. I haven't forgotten or forgiven! I don't think it will ever go away.......... It is the betrayal aspect of the whole thing.........
2007-07-05 05:05:46 · answer #1 · answered by i know it all! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, I was cheated on in my first marriage. I was blind to it for a very long time even though the proof was everywhere. The memory of betrayal never leaves you. I have been married the 2nd time for over 20 years and the thought still occurs to me from time to time, but I never let myself get as blinded as before. If you really think he is cheating look closely and the proof will start to build up IF he really is cheating. If not examine your insecurities for what they really are. How long have you been married? Ever hear of the seven year itch. Be careful, because it is a real phenomena. It has to do with pheremones and familiarity of one's spouse. Pheremones slow down after two years and if you don't have a good friendship with your spouse and work at making a good marriage everything can fall apart. Chemistry is what draws us together, old fashioned hard work is what keeps us together.
2007-07-12 06:11:17 · answer #2 · answered by SweetPea 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been cheated on to many times to count. I guess that must say a lot about me as a person. No you never forget and the pain is always there. Are you sure you really want to know if your spouse is cheating or has cheated? It may cause you more pain. Sometimes not knowing is better. Just be careful and I pray that you will never go through the pain that I have.
2007-07-05 05:10:17 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact that a high school boyfriend cheated on you has nothing to do with anything. That is not your husband and your husband shouldn't have to pay for the actions of a high school boy.
About the Facebook thing ... ask him. Tell him how you feel and trust him to tell you the truth.
2007-07-10 12:48:36 · answer #4 · answered by Myrna B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I feel for you, I really do. And what a burden to put on your husband!!
I was married twice. Both of my wives cheated on me before I married them, and I got over it after they asked my forgiveness sincerely. I could not have married them if I had not truly gotten over it. (Both divorces were for different reasons other than infidelity)
The thing is, I realized their cheating had nothing whatsoever to do with me.
Perhaps you're still carrying around the wounds of your high school relationship because you think you could have somehow prevented your boyfriend from cheating, and you're wondering now how to be sure you don't drive your husband o cheat.
Get over it. It has nothing to do with you. People cheat because of something going on within them. If your husband is a good man, he's not gonna cheat on you whether you're a good wife or a bad wife.
Become more secure in yourself. And let go of the sting of that old wound. It wasn't you- it was him!
2007-07-05 05:19:56 · answer #5 · answered by purplex62 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Women's instinct. I was cheated on and forgave. Three years later he did it again. Someone different. He wouldn't even talk about it. He just fell for this truck stop cashier girly and asked for a divorce. He doesn't pay Child support or she his kids. Girly went away when she found out the two story mansion was to be sold in the divorce.
All of this was 7 years ago and I still suffer financially and emotionally. I mean, he just never gave any kind of explanation.
Counseling might help.
2007-07-12 15:50:24 · answer #6 · answered by Ophelia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel you as I was cheated on by my ex, a relationship which started off with a great friendship, then turned into serious dating. it was tough, i felt like some body cut me into pieces. still hurts when i look back. now it has been 6 years since i broke up. yes every time you get hurt, somebody hurts you, they take away a part of you.
but do not let it affect your present. forgiveness is a big fact of life and every god in every religion has guided a path of forgiveness and kindness. as if you hold the grudge, you just bother yourself and your loved ones.
you will become a bigger and better person if you forgive that act of insensitivity. and trust me you will be able to move on good.
besides, its always good to be careful in any relationship. i am not asking you to check his phone bills, bags etc. but before a storm actually knocks on your door, there are lots of times small breeze which pass by your door. watch out for signs. that's it!! do not go crazy over it, but be smart!!!
2007-07-05 09:33:49 · answer #7 · answered by CKR 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand, my first husband cheated on me, and I'd find myself doubting my current husband, a lot when we first got married, (been together 10 years), I still sometimes do, I'd find myself thinking I can check his phone log, e-mail, etc. Crazy, I know, to keep myself in perspective, I'd stop and think, how would I feel if he put me in the same category as his ex-wife, or if I was constantly compared to her. And must importantly how would I feel if he spied on me. So I just remember, that he loves, me and has always been completely honest with me, at first I had to tell my self that everyday, now not so much. It gets easier with time.
Keep the line of communication open with your husband, and remember not all guys are jerk.
Good luck.
2007-07-05 05:10:59 · answer #8 · answered by ofsoundmind 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes i think u could get ova it. Cuz if ur husband has shown no signs of cheating on u then u start from wat he has to offer dont punish him for another mans mistakes and mess up ur marriage. From the looks of ur pic u all seem to be happy and if this man shows u love and makes u smile even wen u r not in the mood girlfriend. Then guess wat he should be all that u think about. The good and sunny side of ur wonderful and awesome husband. Girl u better wake up and see the sun bcuz if not then another woman will and u dont want that to happen to u. Jus keep him happy and im sure he will return the favor. Good Luck on ur marriage.
2007-07-12 07:44:02 · answer #9 · answered by yodie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating sucks ! It feels like a gut punch! The pain and betrayal is always there . Like a dull toothache you cant rid yourself of ! I am really sorry to hear that you think your hubby may have cheated on you . I would advise you to have a heart to heart with your hubby . Trust is a #1 thing in marriage . Without trust what is there really !
2007-07-05 05:14:11 · answer #10 · answered by Brandie L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nah, it is normal to wonder about your husband even if you had never been cheated on. Be careful what gossip or shows you are watching. They all could feed into paranoid thoughts. Go to the gym and work out the frustration there.
2007-07-11 14:29:58 · answer #11 · answered by John 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋