Loss of interest in sex?

Question

I am a middle aged person with a good looking wife and 2 beautiful kids. Since our 2nd kid was born, I have lost interest in sex with my wife. Our married life is still the same charming. I love my family a lot. Since last 1 year, to satisfy myself, I have started masturbating heavily and my interest in videos and other means has started growing. Even though I have not taken any steps towards getting intimate with any woman & no intention also but I am really afraid if this continues... I tried analysing the cause of this behaviour but somehow not able to build up sexual attraction towards my wife. I proposed my wife to try different ways just to bring that charm back. But she just wants go by the same traditional way and not very flexible. If I try convincing her, she becomes offensive and stops everything. Please help me. Need your sincere opinion. I want to be a good committed husband in all respect. Do you think I should be happy with masturbation or look for other women?

Answer 1

First and foremost..do NOT go outside the marriage! That is the quickest way to kill it. You dont solve marital problems by going outside the marriage. Have you tried seeking a sexual counselor? There is such a thing..and they are different from standard marital counselors.. Also, you should try and curb masterbating and videos. Because if you do that to satisfy yourself all the time, you have no need to have the intimacy..and your needs met with/by your wife. Videos by nature make you transfer your desires to film and unrealistic fantasies...and away from the real partner who is besides you. Has she been to a doctor to see if there is some kind of medical problem she is not aware of, that is making her not be so responsive to you? ( NOT TO SCARE YOU...just for informatin...10 years ago I started sing my sexual drive..at 24!!! In the prime of my sexuality...turns-out, I had a brain tumor that secreted a hormone that decreased sexual appetite. Thank God it was removed...and things are back to normal. Again, told not to scare, but to make the point that there may be a reason your wife is not responsive.Has she gained a lot of weight with her pregnancies that is turning you off and making her less desirable? Depending on the answers to the above, I really recommend a sexual therapist. Maybe there is some common ground you two could meet at. Since she does not sound sexually explorative freely, maybe just a few new thingslearned from the therapists would help. I doubt you will get her to totally be sexually unihibited, but there is a happy medium.....especially if the long-term success of her marriage and family is at stake. Affairs, videos, etc are not the answer. They can hurt your situation more than help. Especially with videos...those are fantasies..not reality. Your wife cant live-up to a fantasy. You have to look at how to get things back on-track from a realistic stand point. By the way, you need to really, realy make sure you wife knows she is very much loved and appreciated by you..nothing is more of a sexual desire killer in women, then when they dont feel loved, apprciated, valued, physically desired etc from their partners.

I hope this helps..good luck. I am not a pofessional...just tryin' to hep.

Answer 2

No, you definitely should not look for another woman or just be satisfied with only masturbation. Unless of course you are looking for your marriage to end. Since it sounds like you love her very much and want for the both of you to have a satisfying sexual relationship, then have you tried to tell her how you are feeling? Just like you have stated in your question. (Just leave out the last line). Also, don't wait until you are ready to have sex to talk about this. That will only lead her to believe you are trying to convince her into doing things she may not be comfortable with again. And that is a huge turn off. Tell her you would like to bring back the spark in the bedroom and ask her if she has any suggestions. She may surprise you. But if she just won't budge, you'll have to let her know that she really is being selfish and at that point, suggest counseling. There may be an underlying cause for her lack of willingness to heat things up. Good luck!

Answer 3

When you married your wife, you vowed to be faithful to her till death. Your sexual problems are being brought on because for some reason you don't think your wife is sexual enough for you. You have given in to online temptation: once you start watching porn and viewing pornographic literature, it is very hard to appreciate the real thing that you've got in your bed. She seems boring in comparison, even though those same things used to excite you before. In your mind, what you want is a sex machine/slave: someone who will satisfy your needs in various ways at any time.

Your wife, on the otherhand, has other obligations...to your children first, then you and may be herself. By the time she is done with all that, she's all too tired to indulge your sexual fantasies. You need to understand her position and stop being so selfish.

Try talking to her to find out why she does not want to do it. Maybe she has her reasons and you, as a husband, need to be understanding and considerate of her feelings as well.

Most importantly, if you love & respect your wife, I suggest you seek counseling not only to explain your "unique" sexual appetite and pornographic tendencies but to let her know that you still value her and your marriage.

If counseling does not work, then you can end the marriage but whatever you do, do not have sexual relations with other women while you are still married. It's just too cruel and disrespectful.

Answer 4

okay In person I could sit with you and explain or give ideas better, believe me I am having issues with a man too and based on what I have seen w/ men, their stories etc. YOU are about to cross the line. sorry! A man I know he is into deep porn and he is the one who ruins his relationships. For he wants to bring that trash into the bedroom and then its UNREAL, its a fantasy and the gal may do it, then one day wakes up and says Where IS THE LOVE IN THIS? Romance, I feel like a hooker a porn queen......Fighting can lead to less sex in a realtionship too,this guy I know gets it less for the gal is turned off by all the fighting that occures, he ruins it for the real is coming out of too many arguments, he is less attractive, his mouth, and he talks too dirty at times. People may go along with stuff and then it becomes old or not real........commitment is the key here better or for worse.... and the GRASS IS NOT GREENER on the other side, talking things out....... Its not a sex party all your life like when young and you are not alone mid age guys go through things and you may do it again when you are 60, good luck make changes and get help. Some times after a kid is born this happens it did with both of my exs, they felt trapped by reponsiblity so there was less attraction

Answer 5

1st of all, if you want to keep your wife, stick with the masturbation and NOT other women. 2nd, how did you talk to your wife about it? DId you accuse her of not wanting to do anything new or fun or did you nicely tell her your concerns? Sometimes we are heard differently than we thought we spoke so it's a hard thing to bring up and be heard in a nice manner. She may feel like she is losing you so it is hard for her to feel. She may have concerns about being a "nice" girl if she tries something new due to upbringing...my sincere suggestion is to get couples couceling and figure it out. You're still too young to give up the marrage and that will happen if you start messing around.
Good Luck!

Answer 6

The problem is the mastrurbation, and especially the videos.
That is where your sexual focus has gone and you have lost interest in your wife.
Understand that watching videos of other women ( I assume) is cheating on her. You probably want her to do things you have seen in the videos. She probably doesn't know you are doing that, right? It is messing things up.
You self-sex life and your sex life with you life are not separate. You cannot think that one isn't affecting the other.
Stop the videos and masturbation. Let your feelings come back. Part of your commitment to your wife is devotion to her this way.
You are a good guy, you just have to devote yourself to loving her, your family and yourself this way because it is healthy.

Answer 7

You guys have to compromise and find a way to satisfy both of your needs without making the other person feel offended. You guys should probably see a marriage counselor and try to find out what is going on..and how you can come up with an agreement. Never look to other women..marriage is a lifelong commitment.Cheating is not an option if you love your family and want to keep them. Don't take the chance of possibly losing your family, see a counselor now!

Answer 8

Somewhere between the pregnancies and your wife's lack of imagination, you have started thinking of her in less sexual ways.
So--lay off the porn.
Do not look outside your marriage right now.
Inform your wife that she has one of three options.
1. become more creative in the bedroom
2. go to counseling so that you can come to a meeting of
minds on how important sexuality is to your marriage.
3. Give you permission to have other partners.

Don't back down, make her chose one. Do not be afraid to stand up and be a strong man!

Answer 9

I think you are a sex addict and need to quit looking at pornography and other women, whether real or on paper, tv, computer. Quit masturbating and quit looking and within 3-6 months, your wife will become attractive to you again. WHY? Because she will be all you are looking at, which is how it is supposed to be and is what keeps sexual desire alive in the relationship.

What would you think if she told you she didn't find you attractive anymore and began looking at other men or some man to have an affair with? Think before you act - what are your motives and what do you hope to gain? What are you willing to lose to do something that isn't necessary? Think, man.

Answer 10

Just be happy with masturbating. But have you told your wife that you've lost interest? It might hurt her, but I think its the best way for your wife to know whats going on and to maybe even open up sexually. But good luck to you.