My ex.fiancee and biological father of my 5 yr old daughter were together 3.5 yrs.We broke up because he omitted the fact that he had spent time in Russian prison and thus lied about how he got his odd assortment of tatoos.He then proceeded to tell me it did not matter or should not to me since it had nothing to do with me for how long or what crime he commited to get in prison.He is a Russian business man who works in banking ect. so he travels a lot and i assume he is completley legitimate.From what i know he never commited any crimes while i new him.He always treated me well and with respect though he is a bit cold at times.He has never met his daughter but seen photos also he has sent presents and money for her.My daughter in return sends her artwork to him.Am i beeing prejudice for beeing uneasy about seeing him again since he will be meeting our daughter?He also wants to discuss trying a relationship with me again?
2007-07-05 03:48:27 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has never lied to me that i know of about anything else.But i am concerned it still bothers me to this day that he is private about things like that?
2007-07-05 03:55:27 · update #1
OK, we all have a past, but come on. He needs to be a little forth coming about why and for how long he was in prison. For all you know it was for rape, murder or child molestation (or all three things). If he can't be honest about it, then he can't be trusted.
2007-07-05 03:55:11 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're absolutely not being "prejudiced" about him. Those feelings are your common sense telling you that this guy isn't someone you want to have a relationship with. I say this for a number of reasons:
1. When someone has a history of imprisonment, it's only natural to wonder about his or her approach to life and legitimate work. The fact that he concealed this part of his life from you suggests that he is not averse to concealing things from you. The fact that he discounted your concerns means he doesn't respect them. Someone who is "a bit cold at times" is likely to continue to be so. As Dr. Phil says, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
2. It sounds like you've never known enough about him, and you certainly don't know any more about him now than you did before. Your hopeful assumptions about the legitimacy of his work and activities don't equate to reality.
3. You would be risking not only your own happiness and safety but also that of your daughter. It's great that he has made an effort to create a relationship with her, and I hope he continues to do so. Perhaps keeping it at a distance is a good idea until or unless you do know more about his current life and work. You have a responsibility to keep your daughter safe even if you would be personally willing to take a chance.
4. I wouldn't say that it is impossible to renew your relationship but don't think you should seriously consider it until he is completely honest with you about his life and work to the extent that you can verify what you've been told. If he resists opening up his life to you and letting you verify what you've been told, be wary. People can change but not without serious effort. Find out if he's made serious efforts to be a better person than he apparently was in the past. If you feel he treated you well in general, there is perhaps hope but only if he is completely open and honest (without defensiveness) AND only if you can be convinced that he is open and honest. Deception on his part or mistrust on yours will kill any chance for the relationship to work.
Best wishes in resolving this question with your own and your daughter's needs at the top of the list of your priorities. He can take care of himself. Really!
2007-07-05 11:20:11 · answer #2 · answered by ChatterSox 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you could try a relationship but are you ever going to trust him? Do you want to live your life like that? Do a background check on him on the internet. If he's been in prison it doesn't sound good. Especially a Russian prison for godssake!!
If you do try again, do it slowly and carefully and don't jump in the deep end straightaway. You may find he's hopeless with the child. It all depends on whether you BOTH like him in your lives.
2007-07-05 11:00:26 · answer #3 · answered by sleepyhollow50 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's hiding some things from you, hon, as in you really don't know how he earns his $$$. (you assume it's legit... it may not be...)
I don't think bringing up one's past, and having the big confessions about how many we have slept with is at all important... But prison, jobs, international stuff, HIV status, felony things, legal things, money stuff, credit ratings, debts, previous marriages, number of children????? OHHHH Yeah, you bet. Unless this stuff is disclosed honestly, you would be again back in the same place you were when it was over. Tread lightly.... In your place, doubt that I would re-connect with this person. Someone once told me that "the only thing good reheated is stuffed cabbage..." That likely applies here...........'Sides, there are just tooooo many nice guys out there who come at face value.....
2007-07-05 11:16:39 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People who find it necessary to hide their past will also hide things throughout their life from you. Plus...did you know that Russian organized crime types will murder you and the kids as a way to intimidate him? Not to say he's mixed up in that kind of stuff but lets face it...one has to wonder.
No...I'd say you'd best keep your distance.
2007-07-05 10:53:32 · answer #5 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Eesh. Run.
However, he could take you to court for custody of his daughter, in which case his past, record, etc. will all come out.
2007-07-05 10:54:05 · answer #6 · answered by Yogi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is an ex for a reason! if you can forgive and forget --then go for it --otherwise don't even bother
2007-07-05 11:13:44 · answer #7 · answered by gabby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋