My hubby is not affectionate with me unless he wants to have sex. Sometimes I just want a sweet kiss or a neck rub! But alas, it's like he butters up to me so I'll have sex with him and then leaves me alone. He used to be extremely affectionate when we dated. We've been married almost three months. How can I talk to him about this with out him getting ticked or offended?
2007-07-05 03:47:07 · 12 answers · asked by boogers 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Wow my boyfriend did the same thing. The only thing you can do is sit down with him and be honest. Let him know how you feel as your husband this shouldn't be to difficult. I quit performing and let him know that he lived on a 2 way street and that we weren't 97. Ask him if he could just walk by and notice you. Let him know that you would like to feel noticed and not only when your about to go to bed with him. Maybe he hasn't even noticed this is happening so let him in. Talk to him and Good Luck!!
2007-07-05 04:09:15 · answer #1 · answered by lovely 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't wait for him to make the opening moves of affection, take things into your own hands. WHen he gets home from work give him a kiss, then a backrub, then say--My turn!
Hug him every chance you get, touch him often, kiss his cheek. By doing this you are essentially showing him what you want and not saying a word.
But also ask him if he considers affectionate behavior to be foreplay. Marriage is built on trust. Trust comes from honest communication. Honest communication comes from listening and talking.
2007-07-05 03:54:01 · answer #2 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him straight about it. You are not going to get anywhere by dancing around the subject. Try not to lose control when discussing it though, make it seem as though it is not incredibly upsetting, but just say it would be nice for him just to give you a neck rub to make you feel good and leave it at that because you are not always in the mood for sex.
2007-07-05 03:51:54 · answer #3 · answered by Tinkerbell 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you shouldnt be worried about him getting ticked off or offended. He is your husband he is supposed to listen to you and want to show his love to you...you two should be very much in love with each other and affection should include all kinds of touching that doesn't necessarily lead to sex...think massages (feet, hands, head, back) leave suggestive love notes, or 'I love you's" around the house, on the shower wall, or in the kitchen...tell him when you two are in a comfortable spot together...like a "by the way" or a nonchalant way first, to get his attention...then if he brushes it off, get serious....this is the time you are setting the foundation for intimacv and affection that should last until you two die...if you truly are in love! i wish you the best, because affection and intimacy is so important in a relationship, especially a fresh marriage
2007-07-05 03:56:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You messed up. You got married. Now you get to find out that all of the bad things you heard about marriage were true. There is nothing good about being married, especially the sex. When you get married you lose your individuality and soon your reason for living. Do your self a favor, get a divorce and never consider marriage again. Why buy the Bull when you can get the steak for free.
2007-07-05 04:04:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
don't use blame, use a lot of "I feel..." statements instead.
Like..."I feel upset when you only show affection to have sex. I would really like you to show affection just because you care."
Something to that extent.
Maybe you could also look up a book about affection, and present it to him as a "surprize" gift. If he's anything like my hubby, he'll enjoy research, so what i did in this situtation was looked up info on the net saying the effects of this on a relationship, on the individuals involved,etc. He started showing it "just because" after that.
2007-07-05 03:54:01 · answer #6 · answered by Mama JK 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ok i have been married for 25 years and i also went thro this when we were newly married you and your husband are still getting to know each other and if you don't tell him how you are feeling he is not going to know trust me, one day he wanted to and i said well what about me now i have the best relationship with my husband open communation and being honest with your husband is the best way to go,, after all you have needs to
2007-07-05 03:55:54 · answer #7 · answered by tnsupermomwhit 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
make him bring you out to dinner more often and maybe a movie. then when you get back you initiate love making with some candles and lite music. turn the tables on him.
2007-07-05 03:53:35 · answer #8 · answered by steve t 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
how things changed -try to do what you are asking and see if he responds if you loose the intamncy this early into the game it will be short lived.
2007-07-05 03:53:34 · answer #9 · answered by resigned 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
sit down adn say we have to talk and just be very open about it
2007-07-05 04:06:56 · answer #10 · answered by shadow_watt 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋