Can someone not suffering from depression ever understand?

Question

My bf most likely suffers from depression. He has acknowledged it and his parents has told me that he was on medication a long time ago but stop taking them because his psychiatrist fell asleep during a session and he has hated them ever since. He even attempted suicide though he doesn't really want to die but he thinks it was to get his parent's attention.

He also says its difficult to open up to someone and seek help but at the same time knows that not seeking help is not doing him any good, nor our relationship. I don't know how much longer I can take of his mood swings, of having to tip toe on eggshells not knowing what kind of mood to expect. It would just be nice to come home and see a happy smiling face instead of someone who just seems to loathe himself, the world and everybody and everything in it (except his dogs) and mope/sulk all the time.

I'm trying to understand how it is a person who knows he needs help can at the same time refuse to get it. Why is it so hard

Submitting this Q in Psychology was an accidental actually. But I'm glad I did because I have learned a thing or two from some answers here and really appreciate it and am sure will be helfpful to other people experiencing what I am going through. Thank you.

My bf was apparently a "different person" when he was meds. So it is believed that it is only a chemical imbalance.

Answer 1

Well, I'm not suffering from depression now, but in the past, I have been in some pretty depressing situations, and I know some people, relatives and friends that sound like your bf. So, I might be able to understand and help. My advice is to give your bf as much leeway as possible. I have a relative who appears to be somewhat quiet and reserved and who I suspect isn't very happy about a lot of things in his life and may even be in depression. The most important thing I've learned about him is that his perception of joy is different than mine. He can have a mopey kind of expression and posture, but inside, he can feel great and even be very happy and content with himself. I've also learned that sometimes he just isn't oriented towards happiness and joy and smiling all the time. But that doesn't make his life any less meaningful or productive. I've found things that we have in common and we build on that and on things that may or may not have anything to do with having to express joy or an upbeat personality. Please consider these things as you search for answers and try to find other positive solutions that benefit you and him 'cuz there's a lot of solutions out there. Then even if you do break up, atleast you don't have to worry about him and if he's OK. Please try to understand what's inside him can be very different from the expression on his face. And what's inside may be what you should really be looking at and not an expression on his face that you perceive as unhappy. You might be surprised. I've known many people that on the inside are the happiest people you'd ever want to meet, but you'd never know that from just looking at them or coming to the conclusion that for whatever reason, they must be unhappy, and, I found out I was very wrong in thinking that they were unhappy.

Also try to understand that this world we live in isn't that great a place. There is sometimes this illusion that if you're happy and upbeat the world has to fall at your feet. But sometimes that isn't always the case. This world can be hard and cold and difficult. I've discovered surprisingly that people that seem grumpier than me or whatever worse than my happy self are sometimes better equipped than me to deal with this sometimes miserable and grumpy world we live in. Take these things into account and you may find you can actually learn a thing or a thing or two from your less than perky mate. Wouldn't it be wonderful to find out that his depression was misdiagnosed??? When you think of how prescription happy our health care system and drug companies are, it wouldn't be surprising.
He may just not like smiling. Find things you can do that can prove to you that he responds to your efforts. It's one of those things, for example, where you might give him a kiss on the cheek, and saying something caring, knowing that you won't get a smile. But watch his face. You might notice a change in his expression that shows his demeanor is a little lighter, you know??????? Even if you don't get an actual "smile". Dealing with depression can done in a very objective and detailed way, without any fear or apprehension. You just have to read up on the subject, branch out and try and understand things outside of your own experience a little better. And you sound like a positive, objective, clear-thinking and motivated person, just the person your bf needs.
Good luck and I hope that something I've said here gives you the inspiration you need to make things better for you and for him.

Answer 2

Sometimes the person who needs help feels like they are guinea pigs to all the different treatments out there today. People that stereotype a person because of "mental issues" still exists today, seeing it as a weakness instead of an illness, they have to remember that anyone who suffers from depression, anxiety, bi-polar etc. didn't ask for this. So many get tired of all the questions, testing, new doctor and meds, which is common at one point or another. All I can offer here is that you can look up some "Mental Health" group usually run by the Government, some have drop-in centers where there are activities, help and understanding, I'd check under the yellow pages or Gov't pages, I really hope this helps you both, peace.

Answer 3

He stopped his medication because a psychiatrist fell asleep during a session? This makes alot of sense (I say that sarcastically of course). Sounds like he suffers from more than depression, I'll bet there is alot of personality disorder mixed in with it. And that can be normal when a person has been untreated for depression for many years, his outlook has become really twisted on life. My answer? Run, as fast as he can for meds and also for a counselor, not the psychiatrist who fell asleep, to help him with his maladaptive perspective on life. He probably will eventually do himself harm if no intervention takes place immediately. If he won't go there is always a mental illness warrant that the family or friends can fill out if he is suicidal. Just call 911 and insist on one. Please have this person get help.

Answer 4

I'm really perplexed. Most people suffering from depression would do anything for treatment and relief. The suicide attempt really is alarming, especially if his real motive was to get his parent's attention. There are many kind, considerate doctors who really want to see their patients return to feeling normal. A doctor friend of mine agreed with me that depression can come from self hatred. Some others say it comes from repressed anger. Sometimes it's hormonal or genetic. It is an illness that needs to be treated. How close are you to his parents? Could you have a conversation with his mother to tell her your heartfelt concerns? Treatment is not exact, and he may have try to several antidepressants before he and a good doctor can find the right one. If his depression is real, he has to get help. In the meantime, take care of yourself; this has to be emotionally draining for you and a very stressful. You may eventually have to give him an ultimatum, telling him that unless he agrees to treatment, you will have to step away until this is resolved. Best wishes to you.

Answer 5

People in therapy are considered too weak to go it alone. That's why. This country is full of judgemental people who place negativity on certain things, like being in therapy. Meanwhile those same people who pass judgements are out adulterating and getting knocked up illegitimately or getting divorced for the 34th time.
By the way you need to get out of this relationship now. You can't save people. Move on. Harden up and get out of this mess you need sunlight in your life not this dark dank decaying heap of pain.

Answer 6

As you have said yourself, can someone not suffering from depression ever understand ??

I think that you should find someone your boyfriend can relate to, such as a recovered depressive or something. At the very least, they will show more empathy.

Answer 7

It is hard and he needs somebody who will understand and support him. Depression can be controlled and he needs to take his medication for the prescribed length, otherwise he wont get better.

Answer 8

I love to help . Your bf really want to be better. Write me [e-mail]. Good luck