They have barely seen him for a couple of years but he has always suffered from undiagnosed personality disorders(narrcissism and some obsessive compulsive tendencies) and depression. The kids didn't want to go but the custody hearing dictated that they had to. He now lives with a girlfriend and the first thing he did was take away the kids cell phone and refuse to let them call me .He has told me it's his visit and he won't have me involved in what they do so the kids have no way to make any calls my oldest (14) says she is scared of him. I told her to play it cool and DO not CONFRONT HIM but I would like to know if I have any legal room.The divorce only went through this spring even though we have been separate 2 years.
2007-07-04 20:42:42 · 6 answers · asked by k.t.e. 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Give them pre-paid cell phones, but tell them only to use them in emergencies. Teach them when to call 911. Teach them what is appropriate and what is not. Discuss his illness in terms that they will understand. You can call any time to have the police to a "well child check." They will go to the house until they have visually seen the children and asked them if they are okay. Explain to the children that it is okay to tell the police if they are not okay or if they are scared and why. With a 14yo, you can let her know that if things get really bad, she has permission to climb out and window and go to a pay phone to call the police.
I would still call the kids. If they have access to the internet, set up yahoo email accounts for them. Tell them NOT to let their dad know that they have the email accounts. Show them how to erase the history. You may want to only do this with the 14yo.
If you know anyone in the area, have them do drive bys to check on the children's well-being.
2007-07-05 00:14:11 · answer #1 · answered by starrrrgazer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the lawyer. He cannot cut off communication with the kid's mother for heaven's sake. One parent cannot deny the other parent reasonable access to their children. Why is your daughter scared of him? Do not play into the kid's fear. It may go fine. The kids might have fun. Act positive. If he IS doing anything abusive, it is your job to protect the kids. Get a notebook and keep track of dates and times of any phone conversations or instances with the kids. I am surprised a 14 yr. old wouldn't have some say in their visitation. Seems pretty disruptive to send a kid away for 7 weeks! Call the Child Abuse hotline and have him investigated if you really think things are not okay. I don't know what to tell you.
If the kids do get along with dad, one of you should consider moving so they can have more normal visitation.
I feel for you, really. I just think you need a lawyer rather than a yahoo.
In the meantime, see if you can get the kids a representative of their own that is not your lawyer or dad's so that they can help the courts make a sensible ruling. I don't see why they would have to go for seven weeks where they don't know someone, whether he is their bio dad or not. Seems a little crazy.
2007-07-04 20:58:37 · answer #2 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is she scared because he's a scary guy or because you've told her she needs to be afraid of him? The whole DO NOT CONFRONT HIM in caps thing, sounds like you're adding to the problem and trying to seperate your children from your ex husband. It's common and understandable if you are, but unless you have great reasons you're just abusing your children's trust in you. Of course, this is just a tiny blip on yahoo.
You can get your lawyer involved and have your child talk to someone who deals with this kind of dysfunction professionally. It would be best if you didn't continue to try and influence her.
As for narcissm, if it wasn't professionally diagnosed, I'm going to have to say that most people who claim their ex lovers were narcissistic pricks are either just very hurt by the rejection or suffering from some other personality disorder themselves. This is especially true for those who participate in NPD 'survivor' groups online. I hope that's not you, but it's far more common than the actual NPD itself.
If you're not seeing a professional therapist or psychologist about what's going on in your life right now, I suggest you do.
2007-07-04 20:57:15 · answer #3 · answered by qwertatious 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You should be the best judge to understand if there will be some danger for your kids, if you feel that he is unstable than i will say , be near to your kids, so you should be reachable, if they need any help. You can also tell your kids the location you are, which should be quite reachable. Have a hidden cell, to keep in for emergency with the kids, and let them know, that they should not tell this to your ex husband. I can understand that it will not be easy for you, but if you will not do any thing, you will be restless, and feel guit for the things which is really not in your hand. Please make sure this should not be your obsession that your kid may be in danger, because I think fathers do also love there kid, the same way as there mother. So check precisely, may be it’s your own obsession.
2007-07-04 20:55:56 · answer #4 · answered by yjph 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need the help of a lawyer. The custody settlement says one thing, but if he scares the kids, and cuts them off from the outside, I'd say that that is a red flag that any attorney will jump at. Consult one immediately, preferably one who specializes in family law.
2007-07-04 20:48:55 · answer #5 · answered by Bill F 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh dear. Narcissism is one of the most DESTRUCTIVE personality disorders. I don't blame you at all for being concerned.
You need to contact a lawyer. And your daughter needs to voice her fears.
Good luck.
2007-07-04 20:47:09 · answer #6 · answered by luvrats 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋