Men Need Your Input.... Dont mind a ladies point of view but I think we think too much alike!?

Question

Im 29, my husband 31. Weve been in our home for about a yr & 1/2. One of our neighbors has a neice we'll call her "Nina" when we first moved in she was about 17 kinda shy and not so attractive. She babysat our son she was sweet innocentmy husband was fond of her (not in an inappropriate way) he always treated her like he does his nieces, mentioning how she reminds him of his niece (I saw the similarities and shared his fondness for her) That was last summer and puberty has been VERY good to her! A month ago and used her as our sitter, my husband was mentioned how she changed I agreed with him & even complimented further since she is (to me at least) just a kid, today we had a big neighborhood bbq and she attended, this time I found him taking one to many glances at her then he again mentioned how much she changed. i agreed again but after peeping him looking at her a couple more times I got a weird feeling because she seems to be flaunting it now. Should I question him?

I want to bring it up but not make him defensive or accuse him. I understand a man is gonna look but damn just last yr she was "like your niece" and now shes bangable? I just want to put it in the air that I got a vibe from him and it shoudnt go further how do i do this without causing world war 3!

***sorry i meant to say a month ago we used her as a babysitter

Im loving some of your answers I forgot to mention she is now 18 and "legal" and neither one is blatently flirting I tried to appreciate her beauty but its the second time hes bringing it up - he seemed a bit smitten. Im going to try and let it ride for a bit but if I maintain this uneasy feeling Im going to have to address it, I think teasing him kiddingly at first just so i dont come off as bitchy

Answer 1

We like to look, and this applies to both men and women.

Us men love to look at ladies/girls (of an appropriate age) and in fact many of us can't help it. A lot of women love to window shop for shoes, bags, whatever.

This does NOT mean we are going to doing anything more than look.

There must have been times that you have seen someone that you had to look at once, twice, or more at. There's just something you can't help noticing and you can't put your finger on what it is.

Well for us guys, if she was 'blessed in the chest' then it is a natuaral eye-magnet. An admiring glance of two, or three or four does NOT mean he is fantasising about her... it does NOT mean he is thinking of chatting her up or thinking of her in a sexually interesting way.

It probably means nothing more than he would look at a pretty girl in a magazine or on the street.

I would consider it flattering that he thinks of you as a friend he is comfortable sharing his observations and gossip with.

She probably is flaunting it a bit too. Younger girls who are well endowed often can't help showing off a bit. This is after all the most visible symbols of womenhood and she wants everyone to know she is now a woman.
.

Answer 2

I'm also 31 and of course a guys going to look. Its all about his character after that. Contrarry to popular believe not all men are the same. Some are pieces of dog #$%^ and others are good guys. You have to go on what you know of your husband. Hopefully you know hes a good guy and its not a problem. Regardless if hes good or not I would say something to him and here is why. This is for your sake more than his. If you don't it will build up in you and come out at the wrong time. Explain to him, "I know you would never do anything but it just made me feel wierd with you looking at her". The should be enough said. He will say your being rediculous. Just respond to that, "yea your right". Leave it at that.

Answer 3

I'd leave it alone, if I were you. Nothing is likely to come of it. Stop using her as a babysitter of course. Don't be too hard on your husband. Men are visual creatures and can't really help it. If he tries to not let it show then he is doing better than average.
One of the most attractive things you can do is show that you are not threatened by this girl.
Also keep in mind that just because your husband's eyes kept being drawn to her does not necessarily mean that he wanted to do anything with her. Sometimes it is hard to look away when someone you know changes considerably.
If you are confident in your relationship, your husband's love, his faithfullness, and his loyalty, then I think you should let this slide. All you will do is start a fight. If you are not certain of those things then you have bigger fish to fry and I suggest you seek marriage counseling.

Answer 4

Hey I am a girl lol and yes we think alike but yeah i see where your comming from it is really weird and you have every right to wonder i mean married or not that just messed up you proabably want to keep an eye on this girl even tough shes 17 these girls these days are like jail bail i know you dont wana start world war three but maybe even if you say to your husband "yeah shes matured dont you think she flaunts it a bit much for a young girl though" or even say "yeah and you seem to have noticed it more then me" i mean we are woman we think but i hope i could help :)

Answer 5

I would be a bit concerned. I think he does find her attractive in some way, otherwise he would not be peeping her out like that. I would definitely bring it up to him. In a nice way though. I would just let him know that I know he is checking out the babysitter. Better yet, I don't think I would hire her again. Not for a while anyway. He has his eyes on her for a reason, and it's not because she's grown an inch or two. I know women think alike, but don't be blind ... if you let things go like they have been going, you could easily find your husband in the bed with this girl. I do realize that men are going to look at other women, but if he is constantly staring and her and basically drooling over her, then he is disrespecting you. That's my opinion.

Answer 6

Well, she HAS changed. You even admitted that. He kept glancing at her because it was shocking or surprising to him how much she has changed. People always stare when someone looks different. What if she was instead an older man who had been balding for years but suddenly got a funny looking hair piece? Or what if it was someone who got an odd facial piercing? We try not to stare because it seems rude. But noticing the maturing of a younger person is generally a good thing. Try not to be so jealous.

Answer 7

Let it ride at this point. If after several functions with the two of them present you see the situation get more serious.

Tease him about it. Say I saw you looking longingly at our babysitter. What are you thinking. You are stepping dangerously close to that line, I think. She and others may be getting uncomfortable about the looking as well. Or she may get the wrong idea about your staring and think you want to do her.

Answer 8

Girls at that age are starting to flaunt their sexuality. It is natural for men to be interested. Sad but true: No matter how old a man is, he will ALWAYS be interested in 18-20 year old girls.
We like to see the changes in them and want to help mold them and set them off on the right track.
Best to get used to it.

Answer 9

Sorry I had to answer!!
Don't assume that he's attracted to her. He just might be in aww.. that the ugly duckling became a swan. I understand where you are coming from, but you have to just realx and let it go. If it happens again and you catch him looking , hit him in the chest and jokingly say ' stop looking'. If he gets all weird and defensive, question him!! He's married to you and he obviously thinks you are hot and sexy. Who cares if that girl is pretty, in his eyes you are the prettiest!

Answer 10

I'm a faithful husband and wouldn't touch. Simply put, We're going to glance at things, but to comment more than once to your spouse is bad judgement. I doubt it goes anywhere. Let it ride for awhile unless he comments further, at which time you should ask him what's up.