I am 26 and I can't have orgasm's....serious answer please?

Question

I am 26 years old I am married and I have a child. This is kind of embaressing for me but I feel lke if there is someone out there that has been through this and maybe can share some knowledge with me I would appreciate it. Me and my husband have been together for almost 7 year and in that time he has been able to give me 2 orgasm's. Not for a lack of trying...it is just really hard for me to achieve an orgasm with anyone else but myself. I can please myself at least 90% of the time but I am sure I am not experiencing what other people do. Plus my orgasm's when I reach them are always from outter stemulatin and never from intercourse. This is becoming a problem in my marriage.....it makes my husband feel like less of a man or like what's the use trying and it makes me frustrated to the point of crying and not wanting to have sex anymore!! Since my son has been born we have sex maybe 1 a week...I need help! Please if you have had this problem any feedback would be appreciated.

No my husband's penis is fine. I had been with other men bfore my husband and none of them had ever been able to give me an orgasm....

We have tried the toys and the lubes....we have tried everyting obvious. Nothing seems to work....

You think it could be hormones? Is there anything a doctor can give me to help balance out hormones?

Maybe ya'll are miss understanding me. We have tried all of this stuff. We are open minded people we talk we watch porno we have tried toys he knows where my g spot is....I know whre my g spot is....but short of me masterbating for like half an hour I don't have orgasm's.

Answer 1

If I were you I would see either a gynecologist or a urologist. There could be medical, physical, or psychological reasons for this. A MD in either of these specialties should be able to help you with this.

Foreplay until you are close to orgasm may help. You may have to tell your husband what feels best to you and even take his hand or finger and show him.

If you are having performance anxiety (women can have this too.) A common exercise to help with this is for you and your husband to make love 8 or 9 times without either of you coming to orgasm. You plan to have your orgasms by masterbaiting during this time.

The idea of this exercise is that when you get together during theses times there will be no worry/anxiety about whether either of you will have an orgasm or about how intense it will be.

It forces you and your husband to focus on giving and receiving pleasure with the one you love rather than focusing on the orgasm. If possible, try to do the 8 to 9 exercises within a 2 week time period. If you can only do this once a week then I would only do it 3 or 4 times.

One of the psychological reasons for having problems with this besides performance anxiety is unresolved anger issues. If you have some anger issues with your husband, why not talk to him about them and come to some resolution about them.

I encourage you to see a MD as I mentioned earlier because this could be purely a physical or medical problem. There may be some low hormone levels, for example.

I hope that something I've written has helped. One of the benefits the exercises may do is to give you and your husband some fun by experimenting with different things when having sex. You could even try acting out fantasies, you know, like the shiek and the harem girl. Whatever you and your husband would have fun with.

I just read the answers before mine. If you have to masterbait for 30 min., you might have anorgasmia. This is a frequent side effect of antidepressants and I have it. Please check with a doctor.

Answer 2

Some women can achieve orgasm through vaginal intercourse, some through outer clitoral stimulation, and some women can achieve orgasm both ways. It is perfectly normal. It is just the way that some people are genetically built. There is nothing to be alarmed about.

If the only way that you can achieve orgasm is through outer stimulation how about trying to stimulate your clitoris while he's penetrating you or you can have him do it as you guide him into the the way which you would like to be touched. This will at least get him involved in the process of giving you pleasure and he won't feel as if he is being left out of giving you satisfaction.

Be happy that you can reach orgasm period for there are some who have issues getting there at all.

Just relax and let nature take it's course. Have fun with it. Sex should be fun and pleasurable not a chore.

Answer 3

Finally, someone else...
I have had this problem for the past 3 years. My fiancé and I were both virgins when we first had sex and after 3 years I've never had an orgasm with him (anywhere near me). Yes, I feel some pleasure when he's inside me, but never to the point of climaxing. I think we are of the 26% of women who can't climax during intercourse (sucks, doesn't it?). It started to affect my relationship with him too (although I've never told him, and it's too late now) until I read about it being "natural" for some people. Now I just enjoy my time with him, because 1) I know he enjoys it, and 2) I never know when I might not see him again (SA is a bit dangerous).
I don't know what else to say, I'm in the same situation and don't know how to fix it. What I can say is GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

Hi there. No its natural... NOT ALL the time women have orgasms just by their partners penis alone. some women do not orgasm at all vaginally and only by oral stimuli.... some ladies vise versa... You can achieve orgasm easier because YOU know exactly what you want and how much and where you want it. You may need to Physically place is fingers in the right spots and show him what you like he will enjoy you teaching him as well... He shouldnt feel less of a man because he must know its not him nor is it you. Direct clitoral stumuli is the most direct intense and quickest way to have an orgasm so while your husband is inside of you, have him stimulate your clitoris or you do it. :o) If that dont work place a vibrator on the clitoris as hes doing his thing. ALL WOMEN dont orgasm orgasm as quick as men can.. sometimes it takes a LOT of foreplay and patientce. Change positions often not the same ol boring ones either. Guys want to please their girls it makes them feel as is they really know how to take care of you. So when you tell them this is what i like... show him... this is what i dont like... tell him.. if he is doing something you REALLLLYY LIKE tell him to keep it there and dont move and dont change the pace. Together eventually, you guys will work it out. and find the on switch. Hope it helps)

Answer 5

There are several books out there that are helpful for couples. One is "The Good Orgasm Guide: All a Girl Needs for a Great Time" by Kate Taylor
Then, it's also important to realize that it's not just about physical stimulation. It's about emotional stimulation. That could be part of the problem. How does he make you feel. Sounds like it has become more about him than about you. Tell him to get a grip on his ego, get over himself, relax, and just start taking the time with you no matter how long it takes.

Answer 6

Here is my suggestion: buy a vibrator or two, and pick up some cool lubricants. The best ones are in sex shops, I hate to say. Get the stimulation and warming types that taste good. There is also this great stuff called "Excite" made by Johnson and Johnson, I think, and I see it for sale in grocery stores right next to the Trojans. It is specifically for the clitoris. I don't know what they put into it but from personal experience, it has made some of my female friends explode. So have at it...

Answer 7

I'm 28 now, and I was 25 before I could orgasm just from sex alone and not using clitoral stimulation at the same time. There are MANY women out there who have to have clitoral stimulation to orgasm, so your question isn't wierd at ALL.

First of all, you're already too worried about it. Humans, unfortunatly and unlike any other animals, are controlled by their psyche. Your body knows exactly what to do in reaction to stimulation and is perfectly capable of it...Except your brain isn't going to let you get away with it that easily.

As difficult as this sounds, you need to quit worrying about it. Have sex for the fun of it and just think of an orgasm as a bonus and not the main focus.

You probably from the sounds of it also have not found your G spot. The best position I've found for stimulating that would be with you lying face down flat on your stomach, with him on top/behind you. Unlike doggie style, that position puts more pressure on the front wall of the vagina where the G spot is. And, you can stimulate your clitoris during intercourse.

Each person and each couple is different. You and hubby need to do alot of experamenting to find your niche. I highly recommend you get a modernized copy of the Kama Sutra. There's alot more to love making than intercourse. You should be relaxed and happy, not tense and worrying if you'll orgasm or not.

This isn't one of my favorite recommendations since I've never had sex drunk, but my mom once recommended having a few drinks (I was having some problems back when I was in my younger 20s) to help relax. Alcohol is a good anti-inhibitor.

And if you're worried about other things, talk those all out with hubby. Don't worry about your body. It's obviously beautiful enough for your husband.

If you're worried about some sort of pain, definatly talk that out with your hubby.

There are lots of nice products on the market now, and you don't have to go to sex stores to get them anymore. KY has some really cool new products and you can get them at Wally World. lol

And, some of it may have to do with your birth control or any other meds you're on. Some antidepressants/mood stabalizers destroy your libido, or even cause anorgasmia, which allows you to become sexually aroused but prevents orgasm.

And last but not least, I've heard people say that women's sexual maturity/peak happens in our 30's. I'm sure plenty of doctors out there would still consider you rather young and this sort of problem no big deal yet. Well, not medically anyway. To you it is obviously. If you would like any other advise, just ask. :-)

Good luck!

Answer 8

Your husband should not feel like less of a man, so you need to tell him it's not his fault~! He most likely feels that way cause you don't do it that often, and you are too worried about it....
You and He need to find a sitter and go to Hawaii or some "tropical" vacation together!....Get away from everything you know, and do as a routine..Pack a bag with only a bathing suit, a nightie, some make-up, sun-screen, m.oil, easy-glide, perfume, hair care products, sandals and money and the clothes on your back...AND take a break!....
Be spontaneous..It's mind over matter, and you are too stressed.....
Get the picture?....I know he will~!!!
God Bless You and Yours....
Pray about it, too!....There a tiny pocket Bibles you can take along and read every morning while drinking your coffee and OJ....
Renew your mind, body, soul, marriage, and spirit~!!!

Answer 9

I understand, I have a hormonal disorder that makes me not want sex at all, if fact it only happens about once every year or so.
Anyway, don't feel bad, and tell him not to feel bad. Majority of the women out there do not have orgasms during sex. The reason is, is that there is not enough contact with the clitoris, which is the real reason women get orgasms. Try other positions that make contact with it more so. Or have him or you rub it during sex.

Answer 10

You said that you can give yourself one; maybe show your husband what you do and he can take over for you or even experiment more with yourself to find out exactly what you like. You could talk to a doctor and their might be something they could do about it. Also are you comfortable with your body? A lot of times women are insecure with their physical appearance and cannot become comfortable enough to let themselves go and reach organism. Here is a site I found with a little more information, good luck.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/orgasmtrouble.htm