Anyone ever left an abusive relationship or knows someone who has?

Question

I need to know what it is like after leaving an abusive(verbally/emotionally, physical some yrs. ago) relationship. Married 13 years; 2 young children and I can't take this abuse anymore. The hollering in my face, the name calling from fat *****, worthless ************, lazy, free loading deadweight, stupid, etc.Or even the silent treatment that lasts for weeks sometimes. I feel like I am dying when he does this. Even in front of my kids. I just need to go but I need a push because I feel so helpless and worthless.
I am dependent on him at this time but I know he'll have to pay child support. I have a solid work history except for my lay off a year ago. I am looking for a job though.
My husband is NEVER satisfied with anything I do for long. If I give in to all of his demands, he'll just get enraged over something trivial. My therapist says I should learn to ignore him and be happy anyway. This is not an easy task. Most people say leave but it is SO SCARY to me. Any advice?

Answer 1

I just left my husband of 11 years for severe emotional neglect and verbal abuse. Verbal abuse by the way, does fall into the category of domestic violence. We have a beautiful little girl together, but I was miserable and physically ill from the unhealthy marriage and I did not want her to grow up and see that stuff and think that is how things should be. I left him and I am now going through a very ugly divorce, I just ran out of money and I am having a hard thing, but one thing is consistent--leaving him was the best thing I did. Except for the stress and mending heart, I feel better physically, I've lost 30 pounds and I am growing stronger in my mind, realizing that I am worth it and deserve better. Words to think about. I wish you the best of luck--you can do it. And where I live, I have no family or friends at all. If I can do it, so can you.

Answer 2

No one should ever be in a relationship that is abusive in any way. Reguardless of how you are, you dont deserve that! I was in an abusive relationship and I am not going to lie to you, its hard to get away from it. But it is worth it in the end! I was with my x for about 4 years and left because he was physically abusing me. I realized it one night, and left the next day. If you really want to get away when you have kids its more complicated. If he is physically abusing you, dont defend yourself, then call the police, so you have proof when it comes to the battle in court over your children. But you will have to stick to the plan otherwise you will just piss him off more. But this will be documentation that he is abusive, then go to a family friend or a relative where you can take your children with you. There are safe houses all over the place if you have no one. Then always have friends with you,because times are going to be tough, and lonely. So try to keep people with you that support your decision.

Answer 3

I got married @ 16, 3 days after we married he became very physically abusive.. he attempted & threatend to kill me many times. I have been literally shot, stabbed, beaten, raped, etc... finally caught a break in Jan of 2002 he got sent off to prision for breaking into vehicles & that's when I took my chance & ran! He finally got over me in prision, once released I seen him all over again & he was very apologetic for his behaviors back then & I am no longer scared of him, he's been a very decent person he said that jail changed his life. For a long time, I was deathly scared of him. I still to this day panic if anyone or anything touches my neck. b/c I was choked constantly. Things are better now that I have moved on with someone else & now have 3 beautiful kids. Oh & btw your therapist is a QUACK! Don't stay. Yes it is scary to leave, & it's very hard to leave if that person has a certain amount of control over you, leaving is not that simple. Just kick his *** to the curb even if you have to get help from the state on housing or what-not it'd be worth it. If your afraid have the cops there shortly after he returns from work they will carry his a** out. Otherwise all you can do is try & accuse him of a crime & when he goes to jail make a break for it! I'm sorry about the position your in, I wish I could tell you the easy-way-out unfortantly I know from experience there isn't one. I really hope that you and your 2 young kids make it out safely.

Answer 4

i know what you are going through, i was also in a violent and abusing relationship. it is hard, very hard but you need to leave him, i know money and kids are a big issue. but think about it that is always going to be an issue. i will advice to you what i did. Let me tell i feared my ex husband. when he got home from work. I simply told this is over i am leaving with the kids to my mothers house. this is over. i had ever thing pack, picked up the kids and left. i don't know if you have family for support, but i am sure there is someone out there that can help for 1 day. after that i got a job in a fast food restaurant, put the kids in school and daycare. i got informant ion reg my rights ,like welfare and other low income programs, after 2 mos, i rented an eff. and i felt so happy and safe that i was not able to stop crying. as for my ex-yes he did threaten me and would call him. but when i made my decision i knew i was willing to do anything from stopping me. so yes i got him a restrain order and filed for divorce, no contact from only when court authorized. keep your head high
and just leave it in god hands pray every night and he will let you know when will be the perfect time to leave. the holy spirit
will guided and you will have the strenght to leave. believe in god and my testimonial. god bless you.

Answer 5

Do not tolerate this, leave now. Your children are learning by both of your examples... do you want your children to think this is the appropriate way to deal with people / or that they should be treated this way in their relationships? No, leave and teach them that this is not acceptable and that their mother is strong enough to stand on her own two feet. You can do this...

Make a plan to get prepared... Call your local women's shelter - they can help.. Mine had a place for me to go, helped with court papers, transportation, getting a job, signing me up for services while I got back on my feet...

You can do this and must for your children...

I did this 9 months ago without taking anything from our home except my daughter.. I rebuilt my life with some help and now have a 3 bedroom home and am showing my daughter that to love someone doesn't have to be hurtful... that it is not okay to be treated like that..

The helplessness and worthlessness is part of the abuse cycle, as well as the isolation / dependence...

There is help for you, all you have to do is reach out.

Please email if I can help in anyway... you can do this...

Answer 6

I left after 18 years of severe verbal, psychological, sexual, and physical abuse. It was too late for my oldest child to learn new ways. Leave while you can make a difference for your children. Get yourself and your children into counseling ASAP. Even if you think you will be safe in your home if you get a restraining order, get the restraining order and stay in the women's shelter until it has been served and a couple of days more. Make sure you have a cell phone and that your children all have cell phones just in case.

The MOST EMPOWERING day of my life was the day I told my xhusband to leave!!!!!!! Empower yourself!

Answer 7

I have left abusive relationships before yes it's scary but in my experience it starts with the verbal abuse and escalates from there

And they don't Change Unless they want to Change hun I know i've been there it's scary as hell but ya gotta do what's right for you and your 2 children

Do you want them growing up thinking that abuse is the proper way to handle things my advice is get out before it's too late

if you wanna talk more you can message me i been where you are sitting

Answer 8

first off get a new therapist! im enraged that he/she would encourage this abuse!leave him and get those children out of there!yes my neice just left her boyfriend of 5 yrs after he beat her to a pulp with a crow bar, sad as this is ,she never told any of her family members and had happened 5 times before.and i pray that she doesnt go back!because next time it may be her life.

Answer 9

lean on family, friends, etc.... but leave. If you can't or don't have anyone to lean on, then prepare.... get another job, lie about how much you make and keep a bit back and hide it to leave, be sure to have enough to set up a new place to live, utilities, and enough to live off of for 2 weeks for you and your kids. Then go... life is too short to live in misery.

Answer 10

Domestic Abuse Hotline: [phone]-SAFE or 18007997233.
They can help you find the resources you need. Contactl your local abuse shelter for assistance. They can help you put your plan together, file a protection from abuse (PFA),a restraining order, help put you in touch with resources to help you get and stay on your feet, etc. Get all the support there is. Don't isolate yourself. Stay safe and do not communicate with him or meet with him. Do it all through legal channels and sgo where he won't find you.

You will need a plan. You will need copies of all important documents or the originals such as bank accounts/statements, birth certificates, social security cards, school records, immunization records, etc. stored with a safe family member or bank security box.

You will need ongoing counseling by a counselor trained in abuse. Your current counselor seems clueless. Call the battered women's shelter for a better referral.

If you have access to the bank accounts, take half of whatever is in there when you go, before he knows what is going on.

You can file for food stamps, child support, custody, restraining order and all that with the help of the battered women's shelter. Do it immediately upon leaving. You will qualify for free training and job assistance/education through your state and federally and be able to support yourself fine. Don't ever doubt that.

If your husband goes out of town or you have time, take all the things that are important to your children when you go. Do it over summer vacation so that they are settled by school start.

You are entitled to half of whatever is in the bank, half the value of the house, etc. It takes awhile to get it all in order, but you will love being out from under him. So will your kids.

You can do it. You need to do it. You will love not waking up every day waiting for the next horror. It is worth anything.

Email me anytime for help. Clear your computer cookies so he doesn't know what you are doing. Don't tell him in advance. Get in touch with your local resources, plan it and go. Take whatever you need to take when you go. I wished I had planned better and taken things like cookware, silverware, blankets, TV, etc. I left with nothing, but people helped me as soon as they knew I needed it. A church delivered 6 hefty bags to my front door of clothes for my son. Salvation Army sent furniture. I treated it like an adventure with my son. Protect your kids. Do not traumatize them. Put on a brave face, empathize with them, and get all the support you can find. Make it fun for them as you can. In no time, life will be good. Look into all the community, government, and local support you can muster. Be resourceful.

I'd rather be poor for awhile than dead any day of the week. I'd rather my kid come from a broken home than live in one. Life is nice now. I will never tolerate mistreatment and neither should you. No matter how tough things are after you leave, they are a walk in the park compared to what you are living through now. I used to wake up in the morning and be so happy. I felt like I could breath and live again. It has been a long time and life still gets better every day. Yours will too.

P.S. If he hits you, have him arrested and file a PFA. He deserves it and it gives you time to get out.