My dad is cheating on my mom. The whole family knows. My mom is hurt and suffering. What should I do?

Question

I'm 14 years old and my parents have been married for 24 years.
My mom recently (yesterday) found out that my dad has been cheating on her with another woman in Korea.
My dad's in Korea right now, doing "business", but I simply can't trust anything he says now.
My mom called the woman who he's been cheating on her with, but the woman is an ignorant, arrogant, and stubborn lady who only blames my mom. The lady won't provide any answers, except that they've (her and my dad) have been contacting each other through text messages and phone calls, but haven't met face-to-face.

God, I don't know what to do. My mom is going through so much pain and stress and suffering. It hurts me to see her hurt.

My dad is a lying and deceitful prick. He lied to me, he lied to us.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to see my mom suffer so much from her horrible husband.

Thank you everyone for providing your thoughtful answers.
I've read every single one of them and you all have my sincerest thanks.
My mom and I are going to try and get through this. Hopefully, my dad will change for the better.

I just found out that he used me.

On his online chatting profile, he put down that I (his son) got into Phillips Exeter Academy, and that's how he met the woman. Apparently, she went to Phillips also.

Answer 1

You will never realize what your mom and dad understand to be the problem. In other words, only THEY know what has happened in their marriage. Despite what the other woman told your mom, it is not your mom's fault that he cheated. He made the decision and was not forced into anything.

Your mom needs time to heal from her hurt and pain. You can be there to give her all the love and support that you can.

Even though your dad has done a terrible thing, do not resort to calling him names. It fixes nothing. Just don't stoop to this level. When you call him names, especially in the presence of your mother, it only increases her pain. Like driving in one more nail. It will only serve to refresh her memory of what has happened.

My mom cheated on my dad and THEN he cheated on her. They divorced when I was 7 or 8. I never understood why she did this until I was much older. Although both of them did something very wrong...she had her reasons and he had his. It was between the two of them. I blamed her for a long time, but then I learned that both of them were responsible for what happened. Now that was just unique to MY situation.

They may get divorced OR they may work things out. Only time will tell. You are in a difficult situation. If they do work it out, you should not hold a grudge against him. Now I know that may sound strange, but you just HAVE to let them work this out without trying to fix things yourself. If they DO get back together, in a loving way, then he may honestly be regretful and sorry for this whole problem. You would be wrong to continue to hold a grudge if they are trying to work things out. People do make mistakes.

On the other hand, should they divorce, stick by your mom and help her. She will need encouragement on what a fantastic woman/mother she is. Don't continue to bring up the subject of what dad did to her. In fact, the sooner all of you get over it, the better. Just be a source of power and encouragement to her. Your love for her is evident!

In my case, I learned that my dad neglected my mother so much during their 28 year marriage. He treated her very badly. She resorted to finding someone who would love her and recognize her. She had a 7 year affair with this man, but in the end, he never left his wife for her. She passed away recently at the age of 86 and I do believe that she was never loved, truly loved by any man. How sad for her!

Affairs can happen for many, many reasons. They are not right when someone else is hurt, by any means. It is not right to hurt children, either.

I wish you luck. There are certainly no easy answers here. God bless you and your family. I hope better days are to come for al of you!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

you are a good son to care about your whole family like this, and you have asked what to do. first i would like to remind you that the story you have been given is that the person who is "cheating" on your mom with your dad has not even met him yet. she has only called him. she sure seems to have quite an opinion of your mom and i find that strange, seeing that she has never ever met any of you!! i am finding it hard to understand why there is so much hurt over someone none of you has ever met. could you all calm down???? second, you are a young teen. my words come from a lot of wisdom, and they are this: many people have flirtations, and for people like your father, they may be a fact of life. however this plays out, though, this is between YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER. i give you total permission to go back to being a kind, respectful teen. enjoy your studies, sports, and games and friends, and when your mother wants to lean on you for moral support, i would like to suggest that you gently tell her that she needs to be an adult and stand on her own two feet and take care of her own problems without your help. you are in no position to be a caretaker or , horrors, confidant to a grown woman. i find her drawing you into this to be the real problem. i imagine all this drama between your mom and dad and this never-met cheater girl will blow over. your mom and dad need to establish trust and boundaries with each other. this is grown up stuff, and you are a kid. everything will be okay, if your mom grows up, and, frankly, quits involving you in her own private and personal adult business and you can tell her i said so.

Answer 4

Please be strong, this has nothing to do with you personally, Please stay strong for your mother, she needs you to be stability in an unstable world right now, you, are that. At 14 you should not know as much as you do right now. Please tell you mom that you don' t need to hear anymore, but you will still be by her side to comfort her if she needs it. Do not hate your father, he does love you. Most woman who have affairs with married men are arrogant,selfish woman who don't care. they just don't. People do cheat but sometimes they just have flirtations with other people and it never leads to anything actually happening, sometimes it does. Relationships can come back from this, they can come back from infidelity with hard work. some families get stronger, some break apart and then people find other relationships that make them happier, just remember this is not the end of the world for you or your mom and stay strong, learn to make a tea and have it with your mom to help her though this hard time and if you need to talk to someone find a school councelor and just talk, get it out and journal, paint and be in the sun alot, the sun is very healing!

Answer 5

I think it's wonderful that you are concerned about this and I admire a young person who is willing and ready to become involved in a situation affecting parents in this way. But there is nothing you can do to correct this situation.

You can help most by offering your love and support to your mom. She needs all the comfort she can get at this time in her life, and her children can be greater help and support than they realize.

At some point you may need to forgive your dad. This is hard to say and harder to do, but what he is doing is being done because he is weak.

Be strong. And share your strength. That is a tall order for a 14-year-old, but your question suggests you have that strength.

Answer 6

ALL that you can do, is stand beside her and give her strength. She needs you right now, tell her you love her.

Help her out when she needs it, and if she needs to cry...lend her your shoulder to cry on.

As far as your dad, you do NOT have to talk to him unless you want too.

You and your mom are basically on your own, he has obviously left you both. Try to help your mom move forward with her own life.

Fill it with you!

Do things with her, take her to your ball games if you play.

Occupy her time with helping you grow up to be the great
caring young man that you are!

It is very obvious that you love and care about your mom, help her to see that she needs to concentrate on helping you to reach your potential and goals...


So, you 2 live your lives and let your dad step out of the picture for a while....

Eventually, all things come back to those who hurt others..

Good LUCK N BLESSINGS

Answer 7

!st.. for 14 .. you wrote a very mature email.. my advice.. YOU TAKE care of you first.. you have anger issues with your dad.. understandable.. i am sure u feel betrayed, and u have.. !!! u will find out life has a lot of bumps along life's way... some bigger than others... just as your mom has... this is very disappointing (heart breaking) to u and ur mom...
let ur mom take care of mom... encourage her to go get prof. help... we will need for several years to come... perhaps u too...
Yes, ur dad did wrong,, and ur mom is hurting... just be kind,, don't cause her any stress, stay out of trouble,, and u will be helping her more than u know...
I know u want to do more,, but really u can't.. it is an adult issue ~~~~ something she is going to have to deal with...
I say,, if ur mom wants to stay with u dad... She talks to ur --- dad...asap Demand .. ( an ultimatum) IF U WANT TO WORK THIS OUT... THEN YOU COME WITH EVERYTHING... IF NOT... I CONTACTING AN ATTORNEY... .. LET HIM MAKE THE CHOICE,,
And show if he loves ur mom and if he wants to work it out.. if not she really does need to file, and NOT TAKE HIM BACK.,, AND u support her in that decision.. but she may want him back regardless, what he does/did.. that is her choice.. hope this helps.. good luck

Answer 8

Man, I am so sorry. Your mom is not the only one in pain..I know you are hurting deeply. You can do very little except pray for God to mend it all. They are your parents...both of them and you need to honor them both, no matter how difficult it is. Give your mom lots of love and support but don't allow your parents to talk bad about the other parent to you. Tell them you do not want to hear it. Listening to your mom tell your dad's faults will not help you and your relationship with him. She needs to talk to someone else about it. Love them both and pray. God is good and you all can get through this. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 9

I know exactly how you feel:) I think you should be there for your mom in every moment that you can, cause your mom needs you more than anything, and about your mom's husband everything pays in this world, just let time tell and there will be paybacks just worry about your mom:) right know good luck to you , and best regards to your mom:) hang in there k

Answer 10

im sorry to hear that , but there is not much that you can do. one your father is in Korea and your mom is really hurt at the moment. your mom has to find a way to be strong in this situation, the only thing that i say that you should do is support her emmotionaly in any decision that she makes and don't judge her.