What do you do if you walk in and see?

Question

A home health aide on the sofa with her 90 year old male patient, and she's making out with him?
A lady I know saw this a few days ago. What do you think she should have done about it?

Yes, wunceinawhile, the story is definitely true. The woman who walked in and caught this is the person who is responsible to oversee this man's finances. She goes in and out of there often.
Also, she is not a person who is given to exaggerations or untruths. She told me, and I fully believe her.

Answer 1

I believer her, too. Unfortunately, I know of a similar situation. If I were your friend, the first thing I'd do is throw out the woman, tell her to never come near the property again. Then I'd report her to her employer & even go above them to the home health regulators for that county/city/state. Change the locks on the doors, make sure the financial institutions involved know she is not allowed to check his finances or have the accounts restricted so she can't touch them.
If necessary, they should take out a restraining order. What she's done is not only unethical, it's disgusting. (think Anna Nicole Smith & her ancient hubby) She needs to move on the bank stuff a.s.a.p. so the woman can't do anything out of vindictiveness. I wish her well & I hope she can find another care-giver for the patient - one with morals AND scruples.

Answer 2

The answer depends on the elderly man's ability to be a consenting adult. If he is of sound mind, does not have dementia and can make rational decisions for himself, then he was not harmed. If he is demented or mentally ill, then her actions are inappropriate.

It is so easy to see the elderly man as the victim. However, is it possible that he is wealthy and manipulative, and a young, poor aide was induced to act this way in exchange for money? If so, it's sexual harrassment and the aide is the victim.

If these two people are equals in consenting, then the aide needs to decline the gentleman as a client/patient, and see him on her personal time. If the aide is committing elder abuse, then her company should be notified and adult protective services asked to investegate. If the elderly man is using his wealth, or threats of having the aide fired, to get physical/sexual attention from the aide, then her employer is legally responsible for protecting her, and should replace her with a new aide who knows the deal and can handle his advances.

Answer 3

I would speak to the 90 year old and make sure he was ok with it, after all it may have been his idea, if so Remind him doors have locks for a reason ( nicely of course ). If he was not ok with it, then I would report the home help aid at once and hold back nothing. If she was in the clear then I would be telling her to do things like that on her own time. But no matter what way you look at it, its tricky.

Answer 4

The man is not a child.

Since the woman who caught them is in charge of the man's finances, then it would be easy for her to check to make sure that the aide isn't receiving any monetary "reward" for her services.

Apart from that, let us all remember that old people are NOT dead, yet! That man has just as much right to decide to canoodle with the "help" as any rich man ever did.

The woman who found them should have a frank discussion with the senior to see how he feels about the situation. If he feels taken advantage of, then get rid of the aide...if he doesn't, then BUTT OUT!

Answer 5

Isn't it interesting that so many of the women have answered this question with shock and dismay... and so many of the men with , ah... ardent support?

Honestly, how many chances does anyone of 90 have to 'get lucky'? Not many. And if your tale bearer is in charge of the finances [look into the will] , then what is the problem? This sounds more like the old prejudice against the elderly being allowed sexual expression. Surely we're past that?

By the way, thanks for the first real laugh of my day... your answers, for the most part, just tickled me.

Answer 6

Sounds like a bit of the blarney to me. The person who allegedly walked in on this scenario appears to be jealous and maybe wants to control more than the gentleman's money. Why would a "financial adviser" have to have frequent access to her client at his home and also just walk into his home like it was hers? Not very professional to say the least.

If any of this story is true I would suggest that the Home Health Agency be notified and the Caregiver fired for inappropriate relationship with her client. The "financial adviser" should also be fired for the same reason inappropriate relationship with the client. In each case the persons appear to be trying to get to the old man for his money and in his diminished mental capacity one of them surely will if left to their own devices.

Answer 7

If the old man is mentally sound, then the lady who walked in on them, is breaking patient confidentiality, in telling you plus did she knock before she entered.
It is well known a gentleman's home is his Castle, walking in unannounced is rude, she should let him know she was going to visit.,

Answer 8

this is so wrong,the authorities for whom this person works for needs to be informed straight away....especially if she is dealing with his finances she might be trying to rip him off by using her sexual advances for money gain ...at 90 years old and having home health aide he must be in quite a vulnerable position and not thinking straight ...she has been sent to his home to give him support not to abuse trust ....
i know all 90 year olds are not senile, and have a good intellect and he maybe consenting to her behaviour but it is still wrong if she is there to do a job ....she needs reporting now.....

Answer 9

I can't see anything wrong at all providing he was agreeing and enjoying it. Why do some other respondents,ladies,throw up their hands in disgust. Men of 90 or more,with most of their faculties will still get sexual urges,perhaps not as frequently as earlier years, and this sort of relief can only do them good . It was extremely good therapy for him.I would imagine he got far more out of it than the assistant.e, The only wrong thing is if she was using sexual favours to influence him to give her financial assistance or to benefit from his will.. I am 76. can you give me the number of a good aide lady?

Answer 10

Notify the agency the aide works for. The aide is breaking major policies for any agency, and who knows, may be trying to elicit money etc from the patient by her actions. It's really a form of elder abuse.