Loneliness?

Question

My husband no longer loves me and wants me and I have been crying for weeks . What shall I do ... he was my one and only love and my heart aches and aches and I am dying slowly from a broken heart.

My daughter is 12 and he only talks to her and ignores me totally. I AM REALLY IN DEEP PAIN. I never realise how painful it is to let go and I really hate myself and each day my life is nothing but totally pain. I need death and yet I have a child ... I am totally lost and totally in pain. What shall I do ... I can't let go and don't know how to let go.

we have known one another since 1988 and married in a few days time 14 years. Saw many times info - other women. But I still love him deeply ... I don't know how to let go. I just don't know. I always thought marriage is for life .. now I know it's not and it hurts badly.

Married going14 years and then He Totally no longer there.

Answer 1

Therapy, therapy, therapy. I know it hurts, but in time it wont hurt anymore, I promise. Therapy can really help you heal. Call an emergency help line if needed, at least for someone to talk to while you're waiting for your first appointment.

Answer 2

Loneliness.

Answer 3

Remember 4 items -

1) Listening

2) Reasoning

3) Understanding

4) Negotiating

You could try the long-lost art of speaking with your husband concerning your thoughts and feelings.

Choose a time when both of you have absolutely nothing to do. (no excuses, then)

Remember that you need to give up some of your time for this to happen.

Also, choose an atmosphere which is conducive for discussion, such as a "neutral" room of the house, or perhaps (if the weather is nice), sitting on a blanket in the back yard.

Above all, the atmosphere must be relaxing and no interference, such as TV, other people, music, noisy locations, etc.

The simple trick of communicating is CALMLY (and I mean calmly) discussing with your husband your thoughts, dreams, and hopes. Other subjects could also be included.

Remember the word calmly. It does no good if one raises their voice and tries to control the conversation.

Another trick is listening to his side of the conversation. Don't you dominate the conversation and keep your ears open.

Remember, you asked for his time, so give your full attention.

Most conversation ends abruptly because of non-listening.

An item of importance; if your husband says something you don't agree with, don't belittle him; instead,

Negotiate and ask what would be agreeable to him.

(This tends to work wonders - it makes people stop to think, sometimes helping them realize they just might be unreasonable. But keep in mind - they might do this to you, so have some reasonable answers ready.)

Keep the communications open and two-way.

You'll find that listening, reasoning, understanding, and negotiating are very effective ways of communicating and eventually everybody gets what everybody wants.

Answer 4

As was mentioned in a movie, marriage shows that at least you appealed to somebody. It'll happen again. Now, for those not married, that's kind of a vicious cycle until they get married.

If it all ends, you'll find someone else. Don't chase after a person that doesn't give you due respect. I had an insane crush on a girl that just would not end... until she did something terribly mean to me. After that I couldn't believe how much emotion I devoted to someone who could discard me so fast.

Answer 5

Try this...you eat good food now,get some salad and sandwich. Have you clean the kitchen?, livingroom, bedrooms? after you done cleaning, try to clean yourself. First get warm bubble bath, put aroma smell in the bathroom. Go to the salon and change your haircut. Buy new outfit. I guarantee you feel good...You have to be lovavable so that people around you will love you.Visit your family and friends and have good time. Why you have to choice sadness? You're lucky you have no cancer. Hurts and pains is a part of growing up and learning.

Answer 6

make a plan ,thinking of how to go on without your partner.make yourself busy.you cant die because he is not your entire life, you have your own parents your own friends your daughter etc, they need you ! they need you !
you must have some money with you and drag yourself go for a trip with a tour. out of your routine life.you must think let go the bad things and welcome the good things.
just like a room with the closed window, if the air in the room already very bad, you should open the window , let the fresh air in .
hope you recover very very soon ,good luck and you are not alone, someone else awaits you to bring you happiness just right at the corner,as long as you move on.

Answer 7

Hi JT;

Wow sounds like you are hurting deeply. I would suggest seeking out a consellor as the kind of advice you are after is probably best provided by a trained professional, If you are having suicidal thoughts; it is way past time for help. Go get it. Incidentally, most clergy are trained in crisis intervention.

Good Luck

Answer 8

I know loneliness... I am a single dad with 2 kids. Their egg donor abandoned us. I know your pain. I live with it every day. All I can tell you is to take it one day at a time and try to find joy in your daughter. Concentrate on being a mother to her. I am so lonely it is unbearable. Just work on the basics. Laundry, chores, and day to day and realize that someday things will get better. Dont lose hope. You have to be there for her. She is all that is important. My kids have kept me alive through all this. They are the only thing that has kept me going. Embrace that and take things one day at a time. Life can be a real *****. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Answer 9

I think it is better for you to let go of the relationship now. The longer you drag, the more hurt you are . What is the point of getting hurt when you know your husband don't love you anymore.

Answer 10

you need most of all is to find yourself and regain your self worth, no one should be in complete charge of your happiness and your loneliness, you create your own prison, and the life you chose to live. the pain that comes with loving another can be the most unbearable, but i suggest focusing on yourself and your daughter. i too, am learning on how to let go of my love, and if i know anything it is that its the hardest thing i have ever had to do, but i am starting to see myself again and to give myself the love he didn't want, its gotten better, and i believe it will for you also. if you need someone to chat with about this, I'm a great listener....good luck, best wishes!