Recently, my husband lost his physically demanding job due to severe back pain. Before this, we've talked about getting divorced (for various reasons, not the least of which is emotional abuse). Now, however, he's just sitting around the house, watching our two kids and not looking for a job. He says no one will want to hire him because his back is so bad. I feel like he's just mooching, and I've told him that he needs to move out, but obviously, with no money coming in, that's sort of impossible for him. What do I do? Is there any legal recourse for me? Should I just let him watch the kids? I'm just stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I'd appreciate the advice ya'll have to give. Thanks!
2007-07-04 15:57:59 · 25 answers · asked by moosesandsnow 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A lot of you seem to think it's only now I want to get rid of him; AFTER the disability. Not true, he's had the same "disability" for 5 years and it's never affected his ability to work at SOME sort of job. It's only after I mentioned divorce that he doesn't want to work anymore. Don't worry; it's not like I'm just kicking him when he's down. I don't like the guy, but I wouldn't do that to him.
2007-07-04 16:11:19 · update #1
This is harsh, but my sister was married with a young child and her husband claimed to have carpal tunnel. He refused to get the medical therapy and help necessary. She tried many times to talk with him and he was unresponsive, so one day she dropped him off at a homeless shelter. Now he has a new girlfriend, and he is amazingly better enough that he is working again!
2007-07-04 19:31:15 · answer #1 · answered by trancegoddess2001 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋
well first off i wouldn't see a problem with him watching the kids and you making money. I would love it if my husband stayed home to babysit so i could work more. You have more time to put into your career and a free babysitter. But then again there were time when he didn't have a job and i was fed up because he was spending his earned money from here and there on senseless things and then turning around and asking me for the things he needed. So it all depends on him. You can legally divorce him and make him move out if need be, but i would suggest a legal separation first just incase you are having second thoughts. See how it works out before you decide. But he is a normal human that is capable of taking care of himself, and if he really wants to help you out he would have gotten a job that wasn't physically demanding so that his back would not be an issue.
2007-07-04 16:08:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he can't get a physically demanding job, then he should be able to get disability.
If you were already talking about divorce, then you should stay focused on that issue separate from the injury. KEEP THE TWO SEPARATE.
Getting a divorce is a big deal, and it's something the two of you have to decide. Have you thought about counseling?
If he emotionally abused you, he is probably the type of man who isn't comfortable staying home being a "househusband" and being proud of it, so he will bring you down with him.
Get outside help! Make him get Disability.... OR have him be the "househusband" and cook and clean... it is his contribution to the upkeep of the home! Just like it would be yours if you stayed home with the kids.
2007-07-04 16:18:42 · answer #3 · answered by newdayjourney 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you are making enough money for your family, can't he just stay home and care for the kids?
"I've known this guy for at least 7 years. Years ago, when we were still in school, we had a thing for each other, but never acted on it. Now once again, I have a thing for him. Trouble is, I got divorced about 6 months ago, and I'm afraid he's going to tell me that it's too soon to be thinking about dating. What do ya'll think? Tell him I have a thing for him or not? And IS it too soon after the divorce? Thanks for all your opinions!"
well apparently you are divorced :O since you posted this 2 weeks ago.
2007-07-04 16:01:01 · answer #4 · answered by Christina V 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Looking after kids is a job in itself. Is he helping out around the house. Give the guy a break. Seems to me you where already ready to give him the boot before he lost his job. Doesnt seem like it was his fault he lost it. Now he needs to be looking for a less physically demanding job. I think you can work this out. You are probably frustrated but set a time table for him to get a new job and stick to it.
2007-07-04 16:04:20 · answer #5 · answered by Swan 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Everything happens for a reason. Maybe him losing his job is both your chances to get your marriage back on track. He is probly feeling down over the whole situation. Do you think maybe you should set apart some time just to talk over everything that has happened and talk about what direction you both want your lives to take? It could turn out that the direction is toward one another instead of away from each other. Good Luck!
2007-07-04 16:13:19 · answer #6 · answered by janeyr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can work and let him stay home, there is nothing wrong with that. Women stay home and watch the kids while their husbands work. But he should not be sitting on his butt - he should be cleaning, doing laundry and cooking just as the wife would if home. If he doesn't, kick him out, don't worry where he goes, that might be the push he needs to get a job.
2007-07-04 16:01:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Come on what happened did tho gold mine go dry or what . That's your husband you know the guy you married for better or worse . Well guess what the worse is upon you now you want to bail on him . You sure are a good example of what men should watch out for when looking for a wife . I think you would have been better off taking up gold mining in school
2007-07-04 16:13:58 · answer #8 · answered by dad 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
making him stay home and do nothing will only make him worse. get him into counseling (if you can attend that would be nice) i'm not sure what country you are, so this is just a suggestion, but you can get him involve in the community. there's some that offers training for setting up your own business, if you want him to have his own income, and if you want to help him get his self confidence back, for right now i think he's depressed.
legal recourse, file a divorce, which will only lead to depression for him.
2007-07-04 16:15:52 · answer #9 · answered by unhappily married 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i dont see why he cant stay home and watch kids and clean.. thats what i do anyway while my other goes out and works. i work all day here and hardly have time for myself. if hes willing to do that then just have him sleep in a different room . make him look for a job if he doesnt want to be a sahd. dont put boundries on him tho. since you 2 are married . and kicking him out of the house will be hard on your kids. they are going to ask about their daddy. maybe you should think about them first.. what ever you decide. good luck and iggy those ppl giving you bad answers
2007-07-04 16:56:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its so funny that woman will drop a man the second they have to start dishing out any money for him. We have been doin that for 2000 years. You think we like spending all our money while u stay home and play w/the kids? You are the scumbag. I know--blah.blah, blah u were talking divorse before. But now with no money coming in the decision is so much easier. I hope he keeps milking you and 10 Vegas Jackpot points for him.
2007-07-04 16:38:05 · answer #11 · answered by Vegas Mike 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋