Am I asking my boyfriend to SAVE too much MONEY?

Question

My boyfriend & I have been together for 8 yrs. & we have 2 children ages 4 & 5. I am a stay-at-home-mom because I have one child home and one who will start school in Aug. We live in the state of Georgia where the public school system sucks. We both agree that we need to put both of the chlidren in private school. We did not search for a private school early enough to start my 5 year old this year, so she will start public school in August and Private school with our other child next year.My boyfreind makes around $2,500-$2,900 per month. Our monthly expense total to around $1,600-$1,900 per month keeping in mind we don't have a car. We are about to purchase a car & so my 1st issue is the type of car we should get.I want a good, reliable car (Honda)that cost under $9,000 so that we can pay it off quickly. He wants a Chrysler 300 for around $16,000 & I'm like "hell NO" & on top of that he wants to buy rims $1,000+ as if having the car is not enough.

I handle all of the money that comes into the house (not because I want to but because he's too irresponsible to do so) & he was complaining about working hard & not having anything to show for it, so we decided to pay him 10% of his money first, before paying anything else, now I want to start saving & here's how I think the money shall be spent. 10% to him (his rims should come out of this money), 10% saving account for emergenices (we don't have health insurance), another savings account for 6 months rent & another savings account for the childrens private school tuition (start saving for it early because that tuition does not include books,uniforms or field trips) so that's a total of 3 savings accounts (1 for emergencies, 1 for 6 months rent & 1 for private school tuition). What is wants is for me to get a job & then he will start saving $1,000 per month. He says I don't want him to be happy & that I want all of his money.

I want to go to school & work but because of his hours 9am-6pm ( he leaves at 5am gets home a 7:30-8pm) & us using public transportation ( stops at 11:30pm), I can't work during the weekdays or get a third shift job because I won't get home in time for him to leave the house to go to work. We don't have any family here and it's going to cost us around $400 per month to put my 4 year old into Pre-k. The weekends are the only 2 days during the week that we have as a family & so I choose not to work on the weekends. So, how much should we be saving?

he is 25 years old and I am 26 years old.

Oh, out of that $2,500-$2,900, $1,000 of that is commission (but this is a guarantee of a minimum $1,000 in commision) so with base pay only, he brings in around $1,500-$1,900 per month and get only 10% of his BASE pay.

And of course all of this saving is over time and on a montly basis depending on how much money is left over after all of our necessary expenses (not what we want). I feel that when we get the 6 months rent saved and good amount of money for health emergencies saved (don't know how much because we are never and I do mean never sick to have to go to the doctor) then he can have all of his extra money to do what he pleases with it. You see, he can save $850 for months for a gold necklace but hates to save for the real things. He says he want all the money at once and then save it. He don't want to save for months to get a couple thosand dollars. If he can just stop shopping (he recently spent $750 in 3 days on clothing and shoes and a lot of times just swipe that VISA DEBIT CARD without checking his account and ends up spending bill money which puts us behind in bills like now) stop eating out everyday at work ($8-$12) then I believe that we can do what I'm asking for in 1-1.5 years.

Answer 1

The two of you have two children. You must be adults. Part of that means being responsible and NOT buying a $16k car on a $30k-$35k income. And the $1000 rims are completely out of the question.

I don't think a vehicle purchase should ever be more than 1/5th of your yearly salary -- if that resigns you to a 5-year old Honda with 50k miles, so be it. You both need to realize that your children require you to be adults and do your job as parents -- that extra $8000 he's thinking about spending would cost you even more money in higher insurance rates and lower gas mileage.

Further -- I don't think anyone should ever buy a new car before they've bought a home. The car will definitely lose value over the years (a good reason to buy a lower-priced car -- you'll lose less value), whereas a home is almost always a wonderful investment.

I can't comment on public vs. private school -- other than to say that your children's primary education won't be from the school, it will be from you and your boyfriend.

Good luck to you,

Doug

Answer 2

You have your toys...the kids.
He wants a toy too...the pimped-out ride.

Figure-out your monthly budget, include the money you're putting into the kids' college funds and your retirement funds. Keep a 3-6 month cushion in the bank. You should have only a few hundred dollars at most left as "mad money."

Incidentally...if you don't have it, you do need to have life insurance on both yourself and on him. Talk to a professional about the value for each you'll need.

Incidentally, for an income of $50k, a $16k cost car is not a big expense. It's the kids and everything else that makes it seem extravagant.

Split the difference...let him buy the car - but the rims will have to wait for a big bonus, windfall, etc. Having to find the extra $4,000 or so for the car for the next 4-5 years should make things tight enough without the extra expense of the rims...sounds almost like he's going through a mini mid-life crisis...seriously anyway, perhaps if you and he can find a better hobby than something like a car - which can be cripplingly expensive.

As for it being a "guy" thing...I've seen a fair number of women do similar things. In any case, the general cause is dissatisfaction with something in their life.

Never use absolutes. Always come at a problem from the side, and involve him...your marriage (whether sanctified by rite or not) is a partnership, not a dictatorship. You need to decide together, not one deciding for both.

Edit: you should be putting about 10% of the income coming in away each year.
Note that you should not necessarily be keeping your accounts in one bank. The Tuition account should be a chequing account, and you should keep a minimum ballance in the account to avoid fees. Easiest way to "find" the cash is to do without that which is not necessary...and brand-name merchandise is NOT necessary.

Answer 3

I have to agree with Saurus.

It doesn't sound like you have the money to do ALL the things you want to. Something will have to give in terms of those desires.

The math just doesn't work. You will go from a modest savings to paycheck-to paycheck with NO margin for an emergency. You could save 10% of your spare income that you have budgeted for medical emergencies for the next 5 YEARS and wipe that 'lil bit o nothin' out in one trip, much less dealing with a serious health issue.

You may not think so, but your kids need health insurance more than they need private school. Because kids are kids. They get sick and they get stupid.

----
And you never, ever get sick.. Yeah, neither was my fiancee's mother who died in Febuary of brain cancer. And her cyberknife radiation treatment (One single 2 hour treatment) billed an uninsured cost of $45,000 (not a typo.)

You think you never have to worry about stuff like that because you're special somehow.

You're not.

Plan accordingly.

Answer 4

Your car payment on a $16K car (remember to add tags which will go about $300 in Ga, tax and title fees) will be $350-400/mo for a 48 mo loan at 4.9%. Add to that $400/mo for preK for one kid and you are about to see a large jump in household expenses if that $1600-1900 doesn't already include that. Also, you will have auto insurance and gas expenses which would make the Honda a bit more tempting for fuel economy. Factor that in and sit down and take a serious look at your budget.

Answer 5

You need a man instead of a boy. Any one who would rather have $1000 rims than health insurance for his family is a boy. Tell him to grow up and do the right thing.

Answer 6

HONEY!!
This guy is taking care of you guys very well from what I can tell because he agrees he wants your children to have priceless schooling! That is gold!! He needs to reap the benefits of his hard work. If he is happy he will keep making sure you are happy. You know a lot of guys would insist you worked too but he obviously gets the important of proper rearing in the early years and it is SO good you are with the wee ones in the meantime!

Answer 7

it is a guy thing. You just have to remind him that the money will help ypur kids. It is not oo much to ask

Answer 8

get a dodge caravan, 300's are bad and are hard to fix now.