I have been dating my fiance for 5+ years and we have been engaged since May 6, 2007. In April he met this girl and developed a bond with her. He then became confused about what he wanted with life. We'll on May 6th her proposed to me while in Disney World. Everything was great up to today (July, 4th). My best friend called me and wanted me to come over with out my fiance. She then broke the news that she found out her was sleeping with this same girl. I went home and confronted him...He admitted to everything. He then proceeded to ask me why I was so in love with him. I followed my answer by asking if he still wanted to marry me...He responded with yes...And he wants to go to marriage counsling. My question is...Is it worth doing am I wasting my time, or should I try to salvage what we have since I'm so in love and attached to him? He also is wanting to move to Illinois after the wedding (thats where is parents are from). I'm ok with going, actually I want to go.
2007-07-04 14:15:53 · 15 answers · asked by tlc8199 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He hasn't shown you that he loves you enough to marry him. He shouldn't be asking you any questions about why you love him. I would be a little leary of marrying someone who has already cheated. They don't change except their way of cheating. Honey, before I would give up everything for this man, I would be wondering why he cheated in the first place. People who love you don't do you this way.
2007-07-04 15:04:11 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would of been so hurt inside hearing that my husband "to be" slept with another woman. What was he thinking? How are you ever suppose to trust him after this? My thought is, that he doesn't deserve you at all. How can you still love him after he slept around after he got engaged to you? You must not think to highly of yourself to let him disrespect you this way. Even though you say your so in love with him, don't you think he should feel the same way. His "actions" aren't showing you that. I feel bad for you because, in the long haul you will be the one getting hurt in the end. Once cheated, always a cheater! Think about this and do yourself a huge favour and run before you regret it by marrying him. He is a great let down in life. Good Luck! Cocoa
2007-07-04 14:36:13 · answer #2 · answered by cocoa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He was engaged to you and what he did was wrong. If you cannot trust him to be right to you before marriage how can you trust him afterwards? I would be very leary about what committment means to him. I would be so hurt and upset with this I don't think I could do it. I could not believe he could ever stay faithfull to me after doing this. I would be afraid for him to touch me because now every person that this woman ever had sex with my fiance has now been exposed to everyone of them. If he can expose my physical health and my life how can I trust him to protect me and keep me secure for the rest of his life. What if this woman comes up pregnant over him cheating on you? Thats's another thing that would be more than I could take that would make our relationship never the same.Even if she isn't with child he risked throwing all we had together in 5 years away if she would be! Only you know what you can live with and I can imagine how heartsick you must be right now. Give yourself some time to think and do go talk with a counselor to help you sort your feelings and emotions out. I feel so sad for you sweetie...please try to take care of yourself and whatever decision you make I truly hope it works out for you!
2007-07-04 18:27:22 · answer #3 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear..! This is a recipe for a disaster...!
I REALLY hope you realize that if you marry this guy you will be very miserable and you will end up divorcing...
Do you REALLY think he won't cheat on you again?
COME ÖN ! People who cheat have serious issues they have to deal with, and the cheating is just the tip of the iceberg.
Picture this scenario:
You marry him. He knows you know he cheated, (and still you went ahead and married him.) He does it again....And when you ask him to stop he'll say: "So..what's the problem? You knew about this and you were OK with it..So what's the big deal?" .......What will you answer then?
You need therapy.....You must have self-esteem issues if you are willing to put up with a cheating man...!
2007-07-04 14:36:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he hasn't cheated on you in 5+ years, then cheats shortly after getting engaged, I would say the idea of marriage freaked him out. Maybe you shouldn't get married. Live together first. I have several friends who, after living together for many years, decide to get married. Within 3 years, are in divorce court and hate each other. After witnessing this time and time again, I have sworn never to marry.
2007-07-04 14:39:39 · answer #5 · answered by SapphireSeaFairy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't marry him if I were you. When he asked you why you were so in love with him, is because he's not feeling the same for you. If you marry him and then move to his parents it seems to me that he figures you will be watched by them while he does what he wants. Why do I say this? Because it happened to me. It was a true living nightmare and I don't wish that on anyone. Best wishes to you.
2007-07-04 14:47:35 · answer #6 · answered by rencar32002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you answer one question: Can you trust him for the rest of your life, that he will never cheat on you again--if he's late coming home from work, stuck on the freeway, out with the guys--will you be checking his shirts for perfume--checking his pockets for condoms, will you be questioning his every move?
I know I could not live like that-- I know I could never trust a cheater--no matter how much counseling you two get now--you ask anyone, being a cheater is like being an alcoholic, a drug user, a gambler-- it is a personality weakness. So, if you can honestly tell yourself you will NEVER ask all those questions above anytime he is late or out with his friends, then you were meant for eachother--congratulations.
2007-07-04 14:35:59 · answer #7 · answered by mac 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If there's no reason (family now not being competent to stay for two weeks, not getting vacations etc.), then I feel 2 weeks can be enough. Your cousin too could be able to attend your marriage ceremony. Alternately which you can ask her to postpone her honeymoon for per week and have the wedding one week earlier. Final yr two of my cousins bought married inside every week in order that each could attend the others marriage ceremony. That way you both can depart for your honeymoons on the same day and still attend each and every others specific day.
2016-08-04 03:26:04 · answer #8 · answered by pounds 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOu have already wasted 5+years. He is not vulnerable, he is just shopping around for side dishes whether he is married or not. If you are ok with this continuing, go ahead with the wedding. Doesn't matter where you live, same story.
2007-07-04 15:04:08 · answer #9 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's cheating on you now, he'll probably cheat on you after you're married. Hope that didn't sound too harsh, but it's the truth. If you want a solid marriage, I would suggest you get out of the relationship now...another guy will eventually come your way who will sweep you off your feet...and love and respect you enough not to cheat on you.
2007-07-04 14:22:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋