why should i care what my daughter thinks?

Question

okay here's the situation...

i'm married this man who i met on myspace. i've only known him for a few months and introduced him to my daughter once before getting married.

my daughter says he's immature, and he ignores her and pretends like she doesn't exist (she does the same towards him). but he only ignores her because he knows she hates him. so why should he make an effort to get to know her? SHE SHOULD!?

she always gives us attitude, she says she hates living with us, and she says she never asked for any of this. she says she feels like shes being forced to live with a stranger. common, she knows he's my husband and not a stranger.

she says i treat him like gold and i never considered her feelings on me getting married. I DON'T NEED HER APPROVAL!

i've been a single parent for 10 years. it's time for me to be happy. and its my daughters turn to sacrifice for me.

Answer 1

i am so happy that my mother was not like you.

how would you feel if your daughter met a person on myspace and got married after a few months. i am sure you would be livid.

the more i think about this, the more this question sounds familiar...i think you asked this before on another account. that or there are two mothers out there that are selfish and need to put their kids before a man.

Answer 2

I'm sorry but I agree with your daughter.He is a stranger to her and you should have involved her and given her time to get to know him. She feels as if you shut her out of her own family.
From what you have written you are treating him like gold.
You are her parent. Kids are so much smarter then adults when it comes to reading people. They know "real" and they can tell if an adult is real within minutes.
She is your daughter....a gift from God. How can you say that she needs to sacrifice? She's a young child and I'm sure you did'nt mean that as selfishly a it sounds.
He should make an effort because he is the grown up in this situation and he needs to prove himself to her. You can't just throw someone into a home and not expect her to be upset after being alone with you for ten years. You both need to reassure her, include her, and let her know that you both love her and have her best interest at heart. If my new husband ignored my teenage son and didn't make an effort, there would be a real strain in the marriage. SHE SHOULD NOT
have to make the effort......she is the child and was not even consulted about this blended family. No, you don't need her approval but you do need to consider her feelings and the fears that she must have because of the new marriage.
You certainly don't have your priorities straight right now. Children always come first. I'm the only mother they have and I will never choose a man over them.

Answer 3

Youve been single for 10 years and probably have dated and you obviously have not learned much because how could you marry someone after only a few months and to top it off meet him from myspace, and what kind of example are you setting for your daughter, unbelievable.... yes you have a right to have a life but when your raising a kid, your suppose to be the adult and showing her the right way of life.... dont you read these posts on here with teenage girls getting pregnant, boyfriends that beat them, girls having 2 or 3 kids from different men.... what do you think all this stems from..... parenting and what they were brought up in.... being a parent never ends...

Answer 4

I know what you are going through as a single mum and I would like to say the first few months would not be an easy one. However, your whole family needs to accept the fact that there is another person in the family now and he is your husband. Give your daughter some time to adjust to the new environment and the same goes to your new husband. Anyways, do not feel offended when your daughter talks back at you but take it as a remark of comment that she is trying to tell you something. She could be feeling insecure as you have a husband to love and that you do not love her any more. Give her some assurance that you still love her and that she will always be in your heart. You got to let her know this so that she will have her confidence back in you.

Answer 5

I'm not sure which one of you is immature. You married someone you've "known" a "few months?" I hope you know all his skeletons. Maybe you should have considered her feelings before you jumped into marriage. Does your daughter live with you? If yes, she met him once before you got married? You honestly don't see a problem here...he is a stranger. This is your daughter and this a man you barely know...come on...she might see things you don't since you are blinded by love...start taking her feelings into consideration.

Answer 6

You met him on myspace! Why didn't you just watch that show "To catch a predator" and find out which jail they are putting those guys in. That way you don't have to worry about them running off on you at least for the next 5 to 10 years.

It will be a miracle if your daughter doesn't drink, do drugs, or engage in sex. I'm surprised she hasn't run away already.

Is that the kind of input you were looking for?

Answer 7

No No No as a single parent it's my opinion that a child should not sacrafice for a parent. You made the choice to bring her to this world and now she has to sacrafice?? That's not really fair. If this man loves or loved you soooooo much then he could have waited until you and your daughter were ready both of you not just you. Your daughters happieness should always come first and when she is 18 years old then she is an adult and then it's your turn. So if she is already 18 or older then yes I agree with you because who said you have to grow old by yourself.

Answer 8

Well, they both should. Although you are to blame in this as well

You sit down and make it clear that this is the direction that you are taking your life. This man is staying and it would be best if she be at least courteous.

Yes, he will never replace dad, but he can still be a part of her life.

You tell him that this is your daughter and that she sill be treated with courtesy as well. Manners count for everyone.

You tell both of them that you handled things badly and that not enough time was really given for all to know about this new change, but you will all work together to be content with the situation.

Answer 9

Your daughter and your husband will be apart of your life for the rest of your life, so it's worth trying to make peace with both of them.
Try sitting your husband down and discussing the situation with him. Perhaps he can start doing little things like just asking how your daughter's day was, asking her about her hobbies...basically acting like a father figure would.
Then sit your daughter down, and tell her that although she may not like your husband, they need to make peace. Kids can be immature, and remarriage can be really hard on a kid, so be sure you ask her her thoughts on it first and ask her how she would feel more loved and needed.
Also, be sure you're spending quality time with your daughter. You're daughter needs affirmation now more than any other time in her life and she needs to know that no matter what happens in your love life, you'll always love her.
Hope that helps...

Answer 10

To her, he is a stranger.
Remember, you're the one who got to know him on myspace.
Ask yourself: how many times did we invite her along before we got married?
She needed time to get to know him as much as you did.
Yes, he's your husband, but he's HER step-father.
That's a huge role in a young woman's life.

It is her house to so although you feel like you don't need her approval, it would be better to let her feel like her opinon has value in the family.

She is a young girl who feels like her place in your life is being uprooted. Maybe you should seek family counceling to help all of you wit hthe situation. This way a third party can act as mediator and everyone feels as though they said what they needed to, without the fear of it turning into an arguement.

Also, children should NEVER have to sacrifice for their partents (while they are still minors) sorry, but you chose to have her. You should work together to a compromise.
But understand, she is a human being with just as much at stake as you.

Answer 11

He should make the effort to know her because he is supposed to be the adult. No you did not need her approval but the introduction time and the handling of the sudden change could have been handled better and with more tact. Our children should never have to sacrifice for us in my opinion. Mine are in their 20's and still sacrifice for them if they need the help, that is what being a parent is all about