My darling mum has been diagonised with cancer but I live in UK and she is abroad. I feel that I should be there with her at present to support and take care of her as I don't feel the care she's getting is good enough. On the other hand she's been having chemo which is very expensive there and I need to work to pay for it. I feel guilty for not being there, but it would be worse if the chemo was stopped due to luck of money. Help me get a peace of mind as its very hard for me at present
2007-07-04 13:23:48 · 15 answers · asked by lulu 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
NB: she is in Africa and its very different from western countries. I'd give anything to be there now. Its not an option at present as I have to pay my rent, a loan is out of question as I took one before to pay for the hospital bill.
2007-07-04 13:41:42 · update #1
Forgot to mention, I was there last week. I can only get so much time from work. I can get unpaid leave in need be but then there is the bills to pay. so far she had six chemo's and the tumor is gone now to the liver and we are looking at new treatments which will cost more money hence my obligation to work.
2007-07-04 14:01:12 · update #2
sorry to hear your dillemma,at the moment your mum needs you to fund her treatment,this is the best thing you can do for her right now.when treatment is finished you can be there for her more,good luck
2007-07-04 13:28:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Surely your work can grant you some form of compassionate leave for a few weeks to go and be with your mum. Full-time UK workers enjoy paid holiday breaks so you should still get your pay if you are working full-time.
As has already been said, you need to be with your Mum. You can sort out the financial worries later but for now you need to be with her as she goes through this.
If I remember correctly, doesn't chemo only run for a set number of weeks, rather than indefinitely?
By the way, have you been tested to see if your bone marrow is compatible?
Maybe you should have a word with the Oncology Consultant at your local hospital.
2007-07-04 20:52:42 · answer #2 · answered by Rob K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok this is a very hard scenario, the best thing you can do is to be there in person for her. Forget about the financial responsibility, surely there is somewhere or something else that can deal with that? if not take out a loan - but I tell you from personal experience, you need to be by her side, because if you lose her, you will never get these last months again, you will never get to hold her, kiss her, touch her... if you stay and work to pay for her medication.. and it does not work... you cannot get this time back... look for another option to pay for her treatment, you cannot afford to risk this precious time... believe me I know xx
2007-07-04 20:30:42 · answer #3 · answered by sassymoomin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a parent your greatest wish is for your children to be happy and safe. Carry on working and paying your mum has a chance to beat the cancer. She will not need further worries about how you will cope in the future back in africa with no job, she knows you love her, by your actions.
It's a terrible world and in the west we take for granted our priveleged lives I'm sure your mother doesn't and is happy her child is succeeding in life.
Try and see your mother as often as you can, try to get the best for her, but remember you didn't make the world and you can only do your best.
I hope your mum beats the cancer and she knows you love her, I know I would.
2007-07-05 04:49:42 · answer #4 · answered by JOHN M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really saddens me to hear of this dilemma you have. You are obviously a very loving and caring person. I have to be completely honest with you, if the cancer has spread to her liver I fear that she may not survive it. Speak to her doctors and ask what her chances of survival are. If they are low I think it would comfort your mother greatly if you were able to spend the time she has left with her. Explain the situation to your employer, I am sure they will grant you compassionate leave.
I do hope everything turns out well, however if they don't at least you will know that you spent time helping her and just being in her company - I am sure she would love that. God bless you.
2007-07-06 17:21:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are supporting her chemo therapy, then she knows that you care about her. It is hard to not be there for someone you care about, but she knows that you care.
Call her whenever you can to check to see how she is doing. Maybe visit her if it fits your budget. But if you don't think you'll be able to pay for her health care if you move to be closer to her, then staying where you are is the smartest thing for you to do.
I don't know how well health care is in Africa where your mother is, but I would talk to a doctor about trying to get her to they UK. I know that traveling that far might not be possible for her in her condition, but I'm sure that health care in the UK is better then the health care in Africa. Then she will be able to be close to you (possibly live with you) and you will be able to still have your job and pay for her bills steadily.
*Edit*
Bottom line though, you mom nows that you care and that you want to be there, but that working and paying for her health is more important right now.
2007-07-04 22:39:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what a horrible dilemma and i am sorry you are going through it. i would continue to do what was necessary to pay for the treatment that might save or prolong her. make sure she knows you love her and that you are doing what you feel is most beneficial to her in this situation so she won't feel abandoned at such a lonely time anyway. but, holding her hand wont sustain her while helping provide chemo to her may.. good luck and God bless you both!
2007-07-04 20:30:59 · answer #7 · answered by lifesaclassroom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be with you mum.
Lulu, I lost mine 6 years ago. I was there. But I tell you, ever fight I ever had with her came back to me.
If something bad happened, you'll hate yourself. Go be with her.
Don't worry about the money. My family is dirt poor, no insurance, and my mom got the best care to be had. When she died, the hospital wrote off the debt. The billing department of a hospital can help you get financial assistance. It is againt the law to deny care due to lack of funds. They can sue you for the money, they can put a lien against your property, but they can't deny life saving care.
Just make what payments you can.
Believe me, money is the least of your problems right now.
Joe
2007-07-04 20:35:18 · answer #8 · answered by Joseph G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your story will touch the hearts of all those who read it. If it is impossible for you to be with your mom, perhaps you could arrange for her to have access to a computer with a webcam and Yahoo Messenger or Skype. That way you could chat endlessly and see each other every time the two of you connect.
2007-07-04 21:20:34 · answer #9 · answered by Darke Angel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is in the US and she has no means to pay for her therapy, she can receive medical assistance and our state will pay for her therapy---that's if she doesn't own any real estate. If that's the case, have someone here look into that for her and then you can come over and be with her...........good luck to you....
2007-07-04 20:27:28 · answer #10 · answered by mac 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋