My husband verbally and mentally abuses me and controls me. I decided to take up for myself, which is very hard but I have gotten better. I snapped back at him last night. During our fight he mentioned that I have been different lately....I asked how. He said "You've been mean and evil". Was it fair for him to call me that just for taking up for myself. Although he likes me to be submissive and obediant to his every word. I guess in his eyes I could be.
2007-07-04 13:19:12 · 16 answers · asked by sugarbud 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He thinks it's mean and evil because you are supposed to be and do everything he wants. Once you do something that he doesn't like of course he's going to say that. Don't listen to that because that was the right thing you should do. You are not mean and evil. If sticking up for yourself is mean and evil you are, but it's not.
2007-07-04 13:22:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes men just push us into being mean and evil! My hubby wouldnt know what to do it I were submissive all the time! Always stand up for yourself and never let anyone verbally or mentally abuse u!!! If it means u have to be mean and evil than do it! Sounds like he may even like the fact that u r changing!
2007-07-04 20:31:36 · answer #2 · answered by cstinkerbell6969 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, are you mean and evil? ABSOLUTELY YES to both accusations.
Why? Because both mean and evil are subjective terms. In my opinion, if my coach didn’t push me to give 100% of what I am able to give 100% of the time, then he would be letting me down. To me, that would be mean. Some other people I know think the coach is mean because he rides us so hard. So, if he makes them happy I think he is mean, if he keeps me happy, then they think he's mean. What a conundrum.
Similarly, evil is an opinion. Most of the world today agrees that terror tactics like the car bombings in the middle east and the attacks of 9/11 are evil, just as those who perpetrate and support such acts are evil. However, there are tens of thousands if not millions of radicals that believe these men are heroes and are doing gods work.
So, if you husband expects his wife to be submissive and subservient and you are not doing this, then, yes, in his eyes you are mean and evil.
That said, sitting idly by while someone dominates, berates and abuses you is my idea of evil.
Actually, I define evil as: Intentional and unrepentant ignorance*, indolence**, gluttony+, bigotry++ and cowardice.#
So, if you let your husband, or ANYONE walk all over you when you don’t want them to, then there are only so many reason for allowing this. (the mistaken belief that you deserve this treatment or that he has the right to treat you this way. Or the even more common mistaken belief that LOVE will overcome his abuse. (ignorance) Fear for your well being, (cowardice) A desire to maintain your current lively hood without risking the loss of money or benefits. (gluttony) Not wanting to deal with the problem now, that there are too many considerations 'today' but in a week or a month from now, you will be in a better position to do something about it, so you'll just wait. (Indolence) And there are other equally erroneous and deceitful excuses to be sure. So, although it is natural to have some of this feelings initially, to not overcome them is, per my definition, EVIL. So Not sticking up for yourself would be the evil thing to do.
In other words, based on what you have written, I 100% agree with your actions and would hope that you don’t stop now. Your husband should either treat you as his equal partner in life (after all, a marriage IS a merger of two lives into one!) or let you go your own way. You should either stand up to him and let him KNOW you won't take his crap OR you need to get out. No more playing games.
I take this kind of serious because a good friend of mine is in a similar situation but she is too afraid that is she leaves him she may not be able to have the nice things she has now. (To which I tell her that if she is unwilling to leave the man because of 'things' then what ever he does to her now is on her own head.) In my opinion, there is nothing worse then a willing slave. Besides, a woman then engages in sexual activity for material gain is a prostitute, and if her only reason for staying with her husband, and sleeping with him when he wants her, is took keep her slandered of living, then...well... IF the shoe fits!
I hope this helps.
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NOTES:
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* Ignorance: The condition of being uninformed or uneducated. lacking knowledge or information
** Indolence: Habitually lazy, procrastinating, or resistance to physical or mental labor.
+ Gluttony: (archaic definition) Thoughtless and unreasonable excess. (This is not limited to food and drink by could include any substance (drugs, alcohol, tobacco, etc...), sex, gambling, etc... even money! [seeking money for the sake of having money or seeking it to the exclusion of all other pursuits would be gluttonous.])
++ Bigotry: Irrational intolerance and/or disdain of others based on racial, ethnical and/or cultural differences.
#Cowardice: Lack of mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty to a reasonable level of commitment.
2007-07-05 16:12:37 · answer #3 · answered by deknowsit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no if ur we mean and evil u would have left him the first time that he verbally and mentally abused u.. so if you were able to stand up to those times im pretty sure yelling at him once is not that bad.......... i mean couples always gets into fights and a few days later its all over and you guys would start laughing about it.. but if you really feel bad about it than talk to your husband and tell him how u feel, then listen to him and his problems, you guys will work it out. i mean you guys married each other cause u loved each ohter right.. so the love is still and always will be ther.
2007-07-04 20:26:20 · answer #4 · answered by Emerald_Gomez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably feels like he is losing control of you, and is just desperate to put you down to get control again. Don't believe his words for a moment. Stay strong and keep demanding respect from him. He will call you worse before you get him put in his place.
2007-07-04 21:30:25 · answer #5 · answered by I39 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not mean and evil. Good job for standing up for yourself. Now the next step is to tell him how you feel and if he doesn't fix his attitude, then you leave his sorry a**.
2007-07-04 21:00:22 · answer #6 · answered by hungryeyes001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No...sometime you have to be that way, with someone like that. You have to hold your own, especially in now day society. You can't let a man control you, only you could do that. So, he deserves all the treatment you're dishing out. good one.
2007-07-04 20:31:50 · answer #7 · answered by qasizan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you seriously want an answer to this question? If ceasing to be a doormat and a dishrag means you're mean and evil, then I say go for it, Satan's daughter!
2007-07-04 22:21:16 · answer #8 · answered by fnd40 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your doing good. keep it up until he can see that your nobodies fool . You don't have to leave him or anything like that just stand up for yourself if he doesn't like it then he can go but I'm sure he loves you to just like you love him . Its just going to take time for him to realize your a human to with feelings
2007-07-04 20:28:06 · answer #9 · answered by dad 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
his being a couch potato tell him to stop being lazy and treat you right like a person and you guys must make some rules to avoid arguments...
2007-07-04 20:32:04 · answer #10 · answered by Snoxy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋