fed up my husband is out nearly every night?

Question

I am really fed up my husband is going out almost everynight, dont get me wrong i dont mind him having the odd night out but its getting more frequent , i have tried talking to him and he doesnt seem to think he is doing any harm , do you think im being selfish for wanting him to stay in a bit more ? i feel like we are drifting apart we have been married 17 years and have 3 children

yes hes going to the pub when he goes out , when ive mentioned i think he is being unrsonable he said its me for being possesive and im controlling him if i stop him from going out so much

Answer 1

The sad part to this is that you can never control the actions of another human being, and if that human being is selfish or dismissive of your feelings... there is little you can do to change him. If I were you, I would be hurt - not because he was going out which would be fine with me, but because he is unwillilng to understand what may be hurtful to you. Relationships are tough, and it takes two to make it work. I would ask him if he would go to counseling with you, also I would take the time that he goes out - and create a project for yourself... pamper yourself - take the alone time and prosper with it. I would pray to god , how he could use you,,, and to guide you into activities that will give you greater joy.. than the absence of your husband.

Answer 2

I only read your first answer and agree with her. If he just going to his local then maybe not but everyone of my friends has pulled a barmaid at some point. Check where he is going. Arrange to go out on one of the same nights as him and spy on him from a friend's car and check out were he goes. If he takes your car then check the mileage before he goes out and when he returns.

Other things to look for are hairs. If you are dark then blond hairs stand out a mile. Check for perfume on his clothing and the passenger seat belt of your car.

If you have a good sex life then you probably have nothing to worry about, but what maybe good for you maybe not good for me. As an example my partner thinks once a week is ok but to me twice a week plus the weekend would be good for me. Do you approach HIM for sex and does he knock you back. That's not normal for a bloke. If he knocks you back one night, then approach him the next night and then the next. See if you can find a pattern. On the other hand you might be knocking him back all the time and he's thinking, stuff this, I am not going to get my legover tonight, am off to pub. Men need sex and if it isn't there then we will find something else to take our mind of it and one thing that we like doing is going to the pub.

Hope this helps and you get it sorted

Answer 3

definitely don't think you're being selfish. especially if he's out having a good ole time while you're home with the kids.

I say try and have a good discussion with him about how he should limit his boys nights to few times a month and set a better example for the children. If that doesn't work, then change the locks before he comes home one night.

Answer 4

Schedule a few date nights together. Maybe he needs a reminder of why it's good to stay home with you. Yes, he needs his space and the "guys nights", but if you're feeling like less of a priority, tell him. Explain that you understand the importance of him doing his own thing, but that you miss the two of you having "couple time", and you'd like to set aside a few nights in the next couple of weeks for just the two of you... maybe making a couple of family nights, too.

Good luck. Try not to get too overheated about this. I think every couple deals with this at one point or another and if you communicate calmly, in a non-accusatory manor, he'll most likely understand where you're coming from, too.

Answer 5

Start going out with your friends, tell him a few days in advance that you are going out so that he can stay in to look after the children. So when he starts seeing you go out for a change he won't like it, but make this a regular thing, maybe he'll start staying in more when he realises the boot is on the other foot.

Answer 6

You need to get yourself out even if only to night class or gym, see how he likes it being left at home with the children, plus start getting your own life & interests that way it won't bother you as much what he is doing.

Answer 7

I don't think you are being selfish, I think you are being taken advantage of. It's very easy for mothers to feel like they are stuck with the kids and doing all the work. Nurturing, and parenting and the home is the responsibility of both. I think that he is ripping you off!

Answer 8

it sound like hes looking for something he doesnt get at home. be it conversation,fun ,or just surroundings ! i feel that if he wants a family then spend time with youre family . if you want youre friends then get rid of youre family. if you dont have a problem with once in a while then stick to that and dont give in . if its causing problems in youre marriage then you need to ask him what is more important and go from there.i am a man and i know if it was causing a problem in my home then i would do something about it. if he cares about his family then he would do whatever it took to get things back on track.

Answer 9

Honey, you are drifting apart. He's not listening to you. He's all about himself. It's okay for him to go out every once in a while, but not as frequently as it sounds from your question. Always trust your instincts. If it's telling you somethign is wrong, that's because it probably is.

Answer 10

No I dont think your selfish at all, but I think your husband is! He is taking you for granted and you need to show him that you are worth alot more and I would arrange a girls night out and leave him indoors. it will make him think and show that you are an independent person who can also have a social life!