When friends want to become more?

Question

My best male friend has been going through some rough times. I met him a few years ago through our career paths. He got divorced not too long ago, and I've tried to be there for him best I knew how. I developed feelings for this guy some time back but I would never pursue that and never intended to show him. He is now hinting at the fact of me and him going out. I already know that he has wonderful qualities and that he is admirable. I do not want to hurt him anymore but I want to be in a relationship when he is no longer physically or emotionally attracted to another woman. I don't want to mask the pain for him. But I do eventually want us to try this out because we have always fit. How can I continue to be there for him as his friend only and tell him that he needs to get his wounds healed before we can pursue a relationship? I want to leave the door open for a possible relationship, just not at this very time. I don't want him acting weird now towards our friendship though.

Answer 1

I think your wise to be cautious.There are so many instances of men caught up in a rebound situation.It rarely works out for the good.How long you hold him at bay for is another question.Have you got other boyfriends?The problem as I see it-if he thinks your available and yet holds back, may make him look elsewhere. I think right at the moment he requires sex.It is usually the appeasement men seek.So I think you need to have another boyfriend, to keep him keen.Good Luck!

Answer 2

Tell him what you just told us... you would like a relationship with him but he needs to heal his wounds first. You can ease into a relationship by suggesting that he get back out to see (whatever he likes, NASCAR, theater, movies, baseball, etc.) And you can say, "I've never been to a NASCAR race before, I'd love to go with you." Or, you can say, "John and Mary are having a BBQ next weekend and they have invited us." That way you are not asking him out on a "DATE" which would put pressure on you both.

My 2nd wife & I were good buddies in college. She acutally fixed me up with my 1st wife. First wife while in grad school. A couple of years later I ran into old college buddy. I was new in town and she offered to "be my tour guide." (No pressure on either of us.) My wounds were healed, however, and we fell for each other fast. She actually proposed to me. But like you two, we had a history together and knew each other.