I had my baby daughter 6 weeks ago, and I have a 5 year old . I don't stop all day or a lot of the night right now - I do the cooking, cleaning, shopping, driving and looking after the kids.
It's how I expected it to be with 2 kids, and I'm not complaining about that... it's my partner....
He just seems to take for granted everything I do, because he is the one who goes out and earns money. I can't for at least another year because there is no room in the local Playschool.
Here are examples:
When I say what I've made for dinner he says "Oh, OK" or "It's edible, I suppose"
When I say "Why don't you rest for a bit?" he always manages to make me feel guilty by saying "No time for that, I have to mop/sweep" (or whatever else I haven't managed to find time to do)
We were great before we had the baby, I feel like it's because I'm not bringing any money in now...
Help, has anyone else got through anything similar - How?
It really hurts and makes me feel useless...
2007-07-04 06:09:19 · 16 answers · asked by Krissyinthesun 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
if my husband berates his meal, he wears his meal. if he comes in and starts 'cleaning up' a house i have spent all day cleaning, he wears the bucket he is using to clean with. It seems to have done the trick, he has admitted that mop bucket a la beef casserole is not a good look for him, and avoids situations where by this will happen to him.
Also remind him of this:
he works 8 hours a day. your job is -24hrs a day
he works 5 days a week you work 7
he gets paid a salary- you get nothing
he gets yearly holiday time off-you get nothing
he gets sick leave- you get sicked on
your job is 24 hours a day 365 days a year for the next 18 years.
I think i know who needs to 'rest for a bit' and it's not your husband.
2007-07-04 08:41:08 · answer #1 · answered by Smoochy Poochy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how you feel, but obviously he doesn't. I think you need to really put your foot down and defend yourself instead of feeling low about yourself. It's probably what he wanted from you anyway. He probably has his own stress at work and like you said, feels like he's the only one making the money right now while all you do is 'sit at home and do nothing'. What he doesn't realise is your role as a full time mother and wife. If there are any possibilities, swap roles with him, you go to work and let him stay at home. Both of you will realise what you go through in your daily life. But since that is not possible, tell him how his actions and speech is affecting you psychologically. You can't just take the beating all the time and let him be the only one to relief his stress on you. Being a full time mom is a huge responsibility and something to be admired for. Don't think too little of your role, you're just as important and he needs to know that too. Communication is key, so I think both of you should sit down and talk. Let him tell you about his stress and problems and you do the same too. Work it out!
2007-07-04 06:19:24 · answer #2 · answered by Hanna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey hun, I am 19 weeks pregnant with my first and feel the same, although its starting to get better.
My fiance' does all the working and does college online and everytime i ask him to rest or something he always complains about how much stuff he has to do. I am not going to start working yet becasue my pregnancy is high risk and it seems he trys to remind me of that on the side.
All i can say is dont feel bad hun, just talk to him about it, i do everything for him, i cook, clean, run him a bath, give him sexual pleasure and things ARE finally starting to change.
Just talk to him, explain to him exactly how you feel hun, i am telling you the more you bring it up to him and talk to him about it, it will get better, slowly but it takes time.
Just sit him down in the bedroom whent he kids are sleeping, turn the lights off and tell him exactly how you feel, you may have to do this a million times, but who knows, he may just get it on the first try.
GOOD LUCK!
Keep me posted hun!
2007-07-04 15:53:37 · answer #3 · answered by babiilove101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, tell you husband how you feel. And if he makes any more snide comments about what you prepare for meals make him cook for himself (and I mean that seriously)!
Second, don't be so hard on yourself. You could be suffering from post-natal depression. If it continues, please tell your doctor. He/She may be able to help you.
Third, is it possible for you to find someone to help you around the house, maybe a family member or another mother in the same situation? Maybe you could help each other out by babysitting for each other so that you get some time for yourself to do things you don't get to do.
It's a big job raising two children (I know, I did it myself and my husband was NEVER home when the children were small) and you are to be commended for doing it. Those children are lucky to have a mom like you.
2007-07-04 10:49:00 · answer #4 · answered by winnie2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. I'm going through the same thing now. I have a 2 year old son and may be pregnant with number 2 now. My son's father and I aren't married, but we've been living together for 3 years. He treats me like I don't do anything because I don't work. He doesn't realize I cook, clean, and chase around a 2 year old ALL DAY! We don't get breaks as MOTHERS. NONE! He goes to work for 8 hours a day, he gets ADULT conversations. We get Ma Ma and Goo Goo Gaa Gaa! I love being a mother, I just want to be appreciated for what I do.
2007-07-04 06:21:30 · answer #5 · answered by Sexymama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont do any housework for a whole day and night so he can see what you do...I did this for real and he was so shocked at the state of the place that he bucked up a bit. It was tough seeing the washing up pile up and the toys underfoot...but as long as you look after the kids ok they'll come to no harm and he will realise the score...
Or, buzz off for a night and stay with a friend...leave him alone with kids and housework to see how he copes!
2007-07-04 06:17:18 · answer #6 · answered by Daisyhill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So stop doing everything you are wearing yourself out do what you can and if he makes a snide remark again, tell him to get his own god damn tea, and wash and iron his own clothes. And if and when he has done that there are a few nappies that need changing, get into the real world and stop being a pushover. Todays world is all about equality so what if he brings money in you would but you are looking after his kids.
2007-07-04 06:16:26 · answer #7 · answered by Buffy 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I cant believe after 5 years you had another child with this man! Sort it out now, dont dwell on it. Your married and with 2 beautiful children, you are at the stage in your life where if you have a problem, you have to say it, confide in him and fix it! For you and your growing families sake. Good luck, and take care.
2007-07-04 06:34:06 · answer #8 · answered by Borayda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk too him,tell him how exactly you are feeling,the baby is only 6 wks old,you need rest,especially having a toddler too,yes i understand too well,that if they go out and earn the money they expect to be waited on when they come home,tell him your so worn out n just ask him too have the kids for at least 1 hour for you too put your feet up,havent you got family near by who can help out now n then??,good luck too you,hope you get things worked out,,luck with the new baby too xxx
2007-07-04 06:20:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think everyone goes though it. frist find a routine for yourself. it dose become easy after a bit. but you must talk to your husband if he is not still the same after you talked to him. if it was me get yourself ready when he comes in say im going out for the night. tell him a time you will be back just go out maybe to a friends house. stay away for a long time and show him what you have to go though he just might wake up and find that having two young kids to look after. as well as him and home. he as to be shown this. be strong you will see a diffrence in him
2007-07-04 06:24:38 · answer #10 · answered by mamsy0 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋