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We've had a serious problem with our sex life for many years now. The first several years we were together it was constant, literally every other night, if not EVERY night. Then she began witholding not only sex but almost all forms of affection and intimacy. It got so bad at one point that I wouldn't even sleep in our bed because I couldn't handle the rejection anymore, it just hurt too much. We confronted the issue many many times and it would always improve for like two weeks before gradually returning to her rejecting me intimately and sometimes even going two weeks without her even touching me no affection at all. Right now it's to the point that when we DO have sex, as soon as she orgasms she wants to stop. She'll either STOP, ask how long I'll be or tell me to hurry up because she's tired and has to get up early.
I know I'm going to hear "go to counseling" from most people, but we have...but it never fails to return to "normal". Ladies, help me, I'm about to have an affair.

2007-07-04 05:20:50 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

17 answers

DO NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR!

I honestly do not know how to help you. In my relationship, I am the one who requires attention. When things aren’t happening when I would like them to happen, we just talk about it. Lack of communication causes many problems in an intimate relationship. Communicate with her, find out why she doesn’t show affection, find out if she wants affection.

Talk, talk, talk and talk. Try anything and everything, if it all fails, then look at your options.

As for you cheating on her, cut ties with the other woman. She is only adding to your frustration at home and having her there will only make you want to work things out with your wife even less.

2007-07-04 05:25:36 · answer #1 · answered by quiet_hands 4 · 1 0

I was in the same exact boat as you were i tried and tried to get her to understand how it made me feel and how important it was.We went to counseling the whole bit,and just like you it got better for a short time and ended up right back to where it started.It was terrible,i was frustrated, lonely,and felt unloved. Well i ended up having an affair which i do not recommend because that didnt work out either but thats another story.but the point is if your not getting fulfillment at home your going to live a miserable life trust me.Its a tough situation to be in.You love the person and really dont want to leave that person but you know you cant continue to live like that either.
you have some hard choices to make but dont settle for second best you deserve someone who will treat you with respect and love you and show it.Anything less is unacceptable.By the way she is now my ex-wife.

2007-07-04 06:02:40 · answer #2 · answered by catfishhunter 2 · 2 0

I don't think the fact that your wife has only slept with you is the cause of you not reaching orgasm. It is probably not your wife to blame for your not orgasming, but a problem with you. I suggest you see your doctor who might be able to refer you to a sex therapist. Bear in mind that some illnesses can cause difficulty to orgasm. I strongly recommend that you do not involve anyone else- it might seem okay for you wife beforehand, but afterwards it can open up all sorts of doubts in her mind. Did he prefer her to me? Will he play away with more women behind my back now he knows what it feels like? Am I good enough? I have seen this type of thing happen before, and it ruins relationships. This is a personal thing between you and your wife. Remember why you got married to her, and the vows you took. So leave it between the two of you to overcome, and you will become closer for it.

2016-04-01 07:22:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

That's the tough one. Seems her sex drive is still there but it she is being very selfish...Has there been a dramatic event prior to all this? did you recently have kids?, did a parent of hers pass away? Sometimes depression can evoke feelings of resentment..that's why most people would suggest counseling.

Remember it takes two to make it work, if you cheat now and she finds out, your marriage is over..especially at this point. And I can take a leap of faith in saying you've worked on this marriage for some time. The feeling of rejection from your wife has got to be weighing on you and its natural to look for it somewhere else. The affair decision is up to you, sometimes good (it has been known and i have known that it can save a relationship)....sometimes bad. more often though.. it is the latter.

2007-07-04 06:12:59 · answer #4 · answered by Mergler 4 · 0 0

wow, i'm sorry. i understand why that hurts. i wouldn't want to have sex with someone like that. whats the point? i wonder how long you've been together? don't have an affair though. if it is getting to that point then you should leave because that would hurt her alot less than if you cheated. i don't think that she is doing it on purpose. she obviously has some feelings inside that are conflicting with her sexual attraction to you. it kinda seems like she's into someone else.

2007-07-04 05:32:55 · answer #5 · answered by VW Girl :o) 4 · 1 0

Tell her she makes you feel unloved and unwanted.So if she doesn't love you anymore let you know and you will divorce her.THIS will get her attention.Tell her if she is too tired for sex, then it is time for her to quit her job.Tell her she either learns to start showing affection or it is over, you do not want to live feeling unloved and unwanted for the rest of your life.Ask her is there anything you are doing that makes her not want to have sex with you?"Then try counseling again.

2007-07-04 05:26:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

look i am a woman and i have had a similar problem.i don't know your history but maybe it's not exciting for her anymore. i would try somethimg new,maybe something you two have never done.is she open to threesomes?there is something she wants and isn't telling you.it could be b/c she's afraid of how you would respond.ask her is there something that she wants to do?if that doesn't work then tell her this,wife,i need more from you.i need it to be a pleasure for both of us and if there is anything i can do to help us have a healthier sex life i need to know so ican try fixing this for us both.one more thing, if she's not willing to help fix this then i say "go on with plan b.

2007-07-04 05:37:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

It seems to me that your wife is being very selfish. If counsiling did not work then maybe you should tell her that if she doesn't want to be with you then she should leave. I don't see why you would want to stay with someone who clearly doesn't want to be with you. There are plenty of women who enjoy sex and intimacy and you deserve to have that. I wish my husband cared as much about it as you did :) I wouldn't have an affair though, wait until you've talked to her and see if she wants to leave or if she realizes she's being selfish and commits to changing her ways. Good luck hun!

2007-07-04 05:28:34 · answer #8 · answered by Missy 2 · 1 0

She doesn't love you, dog. And even worse, she's stepping out on you. The most likely reason is she feels bad for cheating on her lover with you. I've boned enough married women to know, and it's always funny when the husband doesn't get it.

2007-07-04 05:44:30 · answer #9 · answered by paygan247 2 · 0 0

Don't have an affair because it could cost you half of everything you will ever have!!! But I would leave her as* cause she's obviously a selfish bit*h!

2007-07-04 05:42:43 · answer #10 · answered by Brooke M 3 · 0 0

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