ok I have been marriage for two years and dating this guy for four years, we have a daughter together. we have allot of problems, he want to be controlling of everything , he want to tell me were to go, we have two separate banks accounts, but he wants controll over mine, but I want let him, he is always tells me that he want a divorce, when things don' t go his way,I have be putting up with this for the longest, he is in the millitary. so last year I went back to my home state when he started up and he ask be to come back because he was going to change, now we are back to the same thing, but this time he put his hand on me because he ask me not to go somewhere and I went anyway, ( another millitary wife ask me to take her to the airport and I took her anyway, after he told me I couldn't, which is crazy)this is the type of thing I have to deal with, so now he is saying I'm going to change again. is he really or should I just leave ? I think I have done enough.
2007-07-04 04:01:50 · 13 answers · asked by wifey 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did report him to his officer. I don't think any help will do him anygood. I just want to be stress free, I will hopefully be graduating from college in a few more months, but I this stress is making it hard for me. I know I 'am good wife,I do everything a wife need to do and more, he just don't know how to treat me or talk to me when other people are around or family
2007-07-04 04:16:51 · update #1
I prey about this to God and I'am still confuse? I go to church, and I must add I work full time and go to college full time.
2007-07-04 07:37:00 · update #2
time to move on
2007-07-04 04:05:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
After reading your post i was enraged...anytime a man puts his hands on a woman (spouse or not) is time to pack it up and move along...There is no reason to do the things he has apparently done to you...your not his pet...your his wife...im in the military and ill tell you this...if you told his officer or what not...then there may not have been anything done on that end...what you need to do is call his Command Master Chief or equivalent...there his bosses boss basically...they should be able to get a MPO (military protective order) for you to keep him at bay and restricted in contact...of course this is assuming that you want to get out of the marrage that seems to be failing...dont let the fact that you have a child together keep you in an abusive marrage as sooner or later IT WILL end up worse off than you could imagine...
Your finishing collage soon thats great...keep with that and your daughter...thats the important thing...remember that!!! oh and the military has more in line for you and your daughter as Dependants than you may know...takes some digging in to on base but see your family advocate or fleet and family service office for more information...you shouldn't have to deal with that sort of treatment...no one does...its a total lack of respect on his part! Yes it'll hurt in the first few weeks, months maybie years but time heals all and you will be better off w/o him!
Please check into the helpfull offices on base! He's governed by UCMJ and Civil Laws...use them to your benifit!
Good Luck! Sorry about the situation! Stay Strong!
2007-07-04 04:37:57 · answer #2 · answered by **wj25** 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hi girl, seems like you have a controlling man alright, but I think you should not get a divorce but do spend some time out and if you still want him back you both have to set the rules on the table and who ever doesn't stick to them then, you know what to do. Hope everything works best for both. Just remember he is in the military so he thinks he should act same way at home, but with love and understanding teach him to trust you and respect you. I think you'll be fine. one last comment,leaving like that can be hurting to the child, but a divorce can leave a permanet mark in everyone, do everything you can to save your marriage it's my personal opinion. Bible can help on that.
2007-07-04 04:15:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Follow your heart and gut instincts. Leave him right there and go find you someone who will treat you better than him. You have to love yourself cause no one else will and looks like he is one of them to start off with. Hold your head up you do not have to take his mess no matter what he wants nor thinks you have tomake that call and you all ready know what to do. Pack your things and be OUT. He can not handle a strong woman he has many insecurities about his self so let him deal with them by his self and you be on your way home where you will be safe. I think by him being in the military he can get in trouble for putting his hands on you. Just leave and go get yourself together and leave him behind he is not even worth it.
2007-07-04 04:09:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Find the strength within you to do what you know you need to do. I stayed with a man for 15 years because he kept promising me he would change...he would make the changes...he realized he was at fault...etc....I heard it over and over. I wanted to believe he would so much...but inside I knew he wouldn't. I wanted to keep my family together. I didn't want to fail where my marriage was concerned. You deserve happiness. You deserve to be treated with respect and love. I regret not leaving years ago now. I cannot get back the time I spent waiting on him to care enough to change. I wish you the best. Be strong and find peace.
2007-07-04 05:57:46 · answer #5 · answered by creativity104 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE!! get outta there! It will get worse and even though it is just him being controlling right now you just said that he put his hands on you. He is already getting worse. You need to think about yourself and your daughter. Do you want your daughter to be in the same kind of relationship. Children learn what they live. It is NOT safe there.
If you really want to see if he will change then get therapy while you are out of the house not under his controlling behavior.
If he truely loves you then he will get the therapy and take anger managment.
good luck!
2007-07-04 04:24:01 · answer #6 · answered by Big Mamma 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If things are worse now than they were before than chances are that things will be even worse should you leave and come back again. If he really wants to change, than it sounds like he is going to need therapy to help him overcome his controlling ways. I think that you should leave this realtionship at least for now until he gets professional help. If while you are gone, he decides not to get help, then it would be in the best interest of your sanity to just end the relationship for good.
2007-07-04 04:17:39 · answer #7 · answered by bluemysti 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should leave immediately if he put a hand on you. There's no excuse for that sort of thing. He also needs help in controlling his domineering behaviours badly. Good luck
2007-07-04 04:13:04 · answer #8 · answered by Cory W 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds as if this guy is set in his ways so I seriously doubt he will ever change so unless you love the abuse and his controlling ways, Id be gone in a heartbeat. You deserve much better
2007-07-04 04:09:33 · answer #9 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It gets progressively worse unless he is willing to get counseling. Lay down an ultimatum. Get help or get out. If he doesn't get the help leave him and find someone willing to take care of you properly.
2007-07-04 04:07:10 · answer #10 · answered by TooMuch4U 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋