He doesn't like me being here at yahoo answers..........Says, I'm talking to men....I've explained how this works,but he's just so controling ......... Yesterday he really started telling me off.......I'm just so tierd of his sh*t....The only time I have to myself, is when he's not home......If he's home,and working outside.......That's were he want's me to be,or if he's in the pool with the kids I should be there too........I feel like he's my father, running my life.......He talks to me like a child, In a very loud tone...........Am I being unreasonable? I've put up with this for 17 years, I want to live my own life...not his.... I've been very dedicated to him and my children, I work part-time, I do the chores, I cook, all I try to do is make everyone happy.........Still, it's not enough.......I've been thinking about this a lot lately, I think I'd like to get into a career I'd really enjoy, were I can make a difference in peoples lives.... .And eventually leave my husband..........
2007-07-04 03:59:48 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You think I'm being unreasonable....2 years ago, When he had an affair...and I told him to leave......My daughter and myself, struggled with him for about 30 min. to get the gun out of his hand, He was going to commit suicide in front of the children. when the cops came , we had left the house....nothing happened, but I was so shaken up.....I was just glad he was alive.............
2007-07-04 04:27:10 · update #1
You know what's best for you, darlin'. If you really want to leave, take your name off joint accounts now.
Do some research and send out resume's for your career of choice. Go to Your State Department of Labor and check out the job openings. If you go to that office you can create, print, and reproduce your resume' and save it on file there. You can fax, e-mail and mail your resume from there for free.
Do your groundwork. Know what you are entitled to as "half of all marital assets."
He knows you want to leave. His behavior is that of a threatened man. He needs to keep you within eyesight. It only makes you angry, but he can't help it. It's all the control he has and he knows it.
Next time he tells you off, tell him, he's right. Ok? When are you ever going to convince him otherwise, anyway? So, when he raises his voice, just go, "You know what, hon? You're right." and go take a shower or clean out the car or something. Why waste your breath?
Go ahead and move your things into the spare room. Put in a TV and a little 2 cup coffee maker. Take your laptop in there. He already knows he's got problems, might as well take him to the next step. Continue your routine. Put a hamper in his room. Let him deal with his laundry. Services are coming to an end. He needs to learn some basic daily living skills.
I hope he gets the hint, regrets all his stupidity, and learns to cherish you. If he doesn't, I'm sorry for his loss...I wish you luck.
Get enough rest, take a multi-vitamin, enroll in a class now, if that's going to help and make your plan. Then, follow through. Don't let him force your hand. Take an objective look at what can reasonably be done when preparing to leave a 17 year marriage.
2007-07-04 08:19:12 · answer #1 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He has a controlling disorder and very manipulative. Maybe marriage counseling would help? I think it would be a good idea to go back to school and find a career that you would enjoy. Doing something good for yourself could set an example for your children to follow. The only thing I am concerned about is how your husband will deal with it? If he doesn't support you on it he could possibly make it difficult for you. Just a suggestion.....Nursing is a great career choice in making a difference in peoples lives. It takes 1 year for an LPN degree and 2 years for your RN. There are so many opportunities to specialize in and you would have the opportunity to be a traveling nurse. That is when the children have grown ...it's a great way to see different places in the world. My friend loves it and the money is great with sign on bonuses!! Look into it and see what it has to offer. This sort of job would help you to be independent in the future if your husband doesn't change his ways. Also...many colleges have learning centers for brushing up on certain subjects and your own public library. Focusing on your own life and doing something that matters to you is a wonderfull choice. You sound like a great caring person and you deserve to be happy. I wish that for you and may everything work out for the best in your life.Good luck.
2007-07-04 06:59:39 · answer #2 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound very upset. But i think you should talk to your husband when you cool down. I think that calling him an a........ on Yahoo is not appropriate and it would probably give him more reasons to his argument if he read your question.
I really think that you are lucky to have a husband that wants to share time with you and your kids. Many husbands just like to spend time alone or with friends.
From what you are stating, it doesn't seem like things are enough for you to feel this way... maybe you guys have other issues that you aren't mentioning, and these just put the lid on the jar.
by just reading the question, yes i think you are being unreasonable.
*Obviously there was a lot more information that you did not state on your original question... You are the only one that can protect your children. I think it's crazy that you are with a man that tried to kill himself in front of your children. I think you all need some sort of help. And you need to think more about your children's safety and less about you "alone" time.
2007-07-04 04:09:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husbands controlling behavior didn't happen over night, so don't expect for him to just do an about face and stop. You have allowed him to be assertive with you and you should take some accountability for the way things are. Your desire to divorce him seems a little extreme, so I can only assume there is more going on than you have written. I would suggest you relax on all the " leaving him part " and tell him in no uncertain terms that you have a right not to be patronized and that you are going to make some changes in your expectations of yourself and him. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water.
2007-07-04 04:26:10 · answer #4 · answered by diamondbullet66 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, 17 years of that, lot more patience then I would have. But it seems that obviously he has control and trust issues, something you may want to get some counseling for, or if you really can't work it out, then maybe you should leave with the kids, another option would be to put up with it until the kids are 18 or move out then break up like many couples do. Either way, good luck.
2007-07-04 04:20:13 · answer #5 · answered by Cory W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know I understand his side, but, it's not the correct thinking on our part. You need a hobby! No one can tell you what it has to be. The problem is when we let our hobbies take more precedence than our responsibilities. No, I don't think you do this, I too am addicted to this "Yahoo Answers" and I've never seen you here before. Like me you have a life and you live it, and like me you jump on here on weekends or your days off from work, plus maybe a couple minutes during the end of the day. He is right though! I've got three women that I talk to from here that I met on yahoo answers, even though I love my wife only! I like talking to these women. It's a mature form of pen pals. Lots of positive feedback helps us with our own esteems. We all need that! I get that here. Tell him to IM me, I'll tell him the truth about this site!
2007-07-04 04:19:32 · answer #6 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not being unreasonable. I was just in the same situation for the past 3 years. The verbal abuse is in such a way, it seems tolerable. However, my husband decided I needed to be physically chastised because I mopped the floor on Wednesday instead of Tuesday night when he wanted me to. He said I needed to realize who was boss. As he hit me, I dialed 911 and just left the phone off the hook. The police were dispatched to my house and now he is in jail with a $20,000 cash bond. The detectives wanted to know if I was done with him and I told them most definitely because even though I love him dearly, I love myself more and know I deserve more. I have already been raised and do not need a "father".
It's going to be hard and I'm sure after 17 years it's going to be harder. I may weaken, but part of my strength is I have to show my children that they do not have to deal with sick controlling behavior. I want my daughter to see she doesn't have to live with abuse and I want my son to see that women are to be respected and cherished not chastised verbally or physically.
May God bless you as you move forward to find the strength within to be good to yourself. You deserve it.
2007-07-04 04:14:49 · answer #7 · answered by mirkyl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like somewhat of a control freak, and I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.
Personally if I was in your position, I'd probably try going the route of telling him how I felt and see if he would do anything to change (Or at the very least try), and if nothing happened I'd most likely leave.
2007-07-04 04:37:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably is a bit controlling and thinks being on Answers is almost like fishing for a man on-line in a chat room. But the thing that bothers me is his need for you to be involved in everything when he's around. Sounds like he could be an abuser very easily if prodded the right way. Watch out.
2007-07-04 04:14:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men do not have the right to treat us women the way they do, I have thought the same thing you have and I've only been married for 6 years, my first husband was like that.
What I tell my husband is "you know your mom is a wife too, would you like it if she was being treated like this"
You have the right to be happy and do what you want, just start doing it and enjoy your life. GOOD LUCk!!!!
2007-07-04 04:27:53 · answer #10 · answered by Winks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋