growing up i never knew or even met my father. to this day, i am in my early twenties, i do not know who he is, i don't have a name or any information about him. it is something that is tense between my mother and i although it has never really been talked about. my male father figures were my alchoholic grandfather and my mother's numerous boyfriends. i think this has had a huge effect on how i view myself and the opposite sex. i have huge issues with my self esteem, i have never felt like a man could actually find me attractive. in fact, i have very little clue as to if i am attractive or not, i think this has to do with never having and older man tell me i am beautiful like many little girls. i constantly feel like i am not good enough. i also have a hard time trusting men. i have dated only a little and have never had a relationship. can anyone relate? any advice for me?
2007-07-04 02:37:17 · 8 answers · asked by KellyKapowski 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My mother has always been a beautiful girl, but she had a terrible alcoholic jerk for a father. Others would call her pretty and he would always respond "yea, pretty ugly" and she grew up with no self esteme even though everyone knew she was beautiful. Finally she decided to get over it. Her father was worth nothing to her life, so why should his opinion hold a grain of salt? She decided to listen to herself. She still has a few issues burried deep inside,but now she is the most fun, amazing, beautiful women in the world.
Decide that you are wonderful, and accept nothing less from yourself.
2007-07-04 02:52:47 · answer #1 · answered by geeky_mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain, my father was pretty absent and the times that i did see him he was insulting me.
I went through 6 years of BAD men,
All I wanted was love and approval from a man and all I was getting was rejection and abuse because of my low self esteem.
My advice to you is to build your self esteem first before you even attempt dating. Read books about it, go to therapy, you need to be your own best friend, lover, father and mother so to speak. ONLY then will you become whole and understand that the only person's approval you need is your own. A man cannot validate your existence by finding you attractive or falling in love with you.
Hope this help honey!
2007-07-04 02:46:10 · answer #2 · answered by missC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because of not having a father figure and the negative male role models in your life, it is no wonder why your self-esteem is so low. Your should seek out a therapist that you could talk to and vent your frustrations. He or She can provide you with the much needed help that you need. I use to go to a therapist and it helped me so much. My in-laws use to laugh and say that only crazy people go to shrinks. I said to them; "Your Catholic aren't you? Don't you go to confession every week? It's the same principle, your telling someone what is bothering you! The Priest gives direction and so does a therapist. How you posed your question tells me that you have a brain, that your intelligent and concerned about your life. Now all you have to do is go out there and get one. See a therapist, it will do you a world of good!
2007-07-04 02:47:48 · answer #3 · answered by CRAIG C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
" there are no ugly women in this world, there are only women who don't know how to look beautiful". Surely, u r lovely and most imp is that u believe it. It's imp what u think abt yoyourself because others see in you what u see in urself. Yes, there will be a gap left by your father.... But it shouldn't affect your life... You shouldn't let it affect your life.. Give men a chance and you will be surprised by their goodness. there are many jewels waiting to be found out by you !! good Luck ! i say all this because i have been through this.
2007-07-04 02:45:23 · answer #4 · answered by goddess_of_fame 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first you have to leave the past. dont talk about your dad and father figures unless your intention is to find and meet him. leave your granddad and your mom's boyfriends. of course you are related to your past, but you need to start focusing on your relationship with anyone who cares to you, be a good friend, be a good neighbor, be a good daughter, be a good listener, be a good learner; soon or later, you learn it step by step and quite important: open your heart.
2007-07-04 02:48:53 · answer #5 · answered by bigbelly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can. A dad gives his teenage girl courage to stand up for herself. He teaches her how to create boundaries, how to say no, how to look for the right qualities in a mate, and how to believe in herself. Without these things, it is easy to get into a cycle of bad relationships, believing you don't deserve better, and each one makes it worse.
You have to believe in yourself, know what you want, and have the courage not to settle for less. Loneliness, fear of abandonment, and fear of change, can sap you of your courage. You need to make a goal for yourself, a career goal perhaps, and stick to it. The guy you find who will encourage you goals, and support your achievements, and love you for who you are, is the one worth waiting for. The others will only take. They will take your belief in yourself, they will take your money, time, energy, love, body..., and leave you feeling used, abused, and empty. You can't go back and undo what was taken from you, you have to learn the skills to survive and live on your own. You do deserve the most in life, and it is your own choices that will determine what you will get out of it. Write down the things that matter most to you; values and beliefs, material goals, career goals, family goals, travel, qualities and characteristics of the people you care about. As you go through your life, these are the things that you will be attracted to. If you keep it, it will help you to remember who you are, and what is important to you. It can help you to stay focused. You are beautiful, and always will be. Hold on to the beauty you have within, and share it with those who deserve you. Don't let someone say that you are less than what you are, stand up for yourself, what the heck do they know anyway? Only you can prove yourself, it is not dependant on anything or anyone else. Put all of your anger and frustration and loss into your drive to do better, to be better, for yourself. Don't sell yourself short. The guy that is worth your time will make himself known, he will make it impossible not to get to know him, he will want to know everything about you, and he'll make you feel like you are the only woman in the world. He'll know what he has, he cherish you, and he won't be afraid to show it. He'll stand up for you, and stand back to let you shine. He'll be the one you can see yourself with, always, someone you respect, someone who you believe will make a good father to your kids, someone with integrity, who does what they say they are going to do, who is honest, someone who deserves to be in your life. He will build you up and keep you grounded. He will help you to define who you are. It isn't to be taken lightly, if you settle for less, you will have less. Be true to yourself, you deserve all that life has to offer. Best of luck and take care.
2007-07-04 03:26:04 · answer #6 · answered by Naturenut 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sory to hear that but you can come live with me i'll tell you how beautful you are everyday etcetcetc baby your to hard on your self(imagine your grandparents adopting you from there daughter and haveing to live that knowing that she threw you away i know i'm that kid that got trashed
also i'm 15 i think yopur osm just from hereing what you had to say msg me sumtime on msn or yahoo if you wanna
2007-07-04 02:41:57 · answer #7 · answered by jboy91148 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you are a very nice girl..everything is fine with you
relax..
keep yourself occupied
blessings
2007-07-04 02:42:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋