Do you believe in marriage?

Question

I don't mind not to get married, and just live together (this seems to be the case with most couple in UK anyway), but how would you know that the guy is serious about you?
I think my BF loves me, but in 2 years of dating (1 year out of 2 living together and getting along perfectly) he never said he loved me. He says the marriage is not important and doesn't change anything, but how do you know that it's not a convinience from his side and in 3 years time I'd find out that he never loved me at all?
It's a difficult topic and he doesn't really want to talk about it and it's very hard to initiate the conversation about it again.
I am being harassed by my family and my friends for living with a guy and not marrying him. I don't know what to answer, and they all pity me saying that he doen't love me and will leave me, and I don't want to meet friends or call them in case they start asking again....

It's just that I think the wedding is a waste of money, and it provides financial security for women who cannot or doesn't want to support themselves. And if you are totally independant woman - then the realtionship is based on honesty, not concerning finances in anyway. So this is why I don't particulary mind not to get married - I don't need anyone's money or possesions, I can get all I need for myself. But then - how do you know if the relationship is real from his side?

Drew Blood - Thanks for your answer. However - I am very confused about the subject, and have a lot of questions. The average marriage don't last longer then 5 years. You are lucky if it lasts longer.
And it's not up to your brain but up to your heart and selfesteem to decide if it's still sucsessful or not. I know a lot of couples that are married and still living together just because they made "the Commitment" and feel guilty if they don't stick to it, but in fact they would be much happier apart. And there are alot of legal procedures involved so it complicates everything.

Answer 1

I think the biggest issue I see here has to do with his emotional commitment rather than the issue of marriage. You really want to know where you stand with him. Does he love you? That's a big deal. I think this guy probably is not very well-connected with his emotions. You are looking for something serious and long-term (whether legally married or not) and want him to have the same desires. So, my suggestion would be to sit down and talk to him about that.

Then at a certain point, you'lll need to decide whether or not it is important to be with someone who is able to express his love or not. If it's important to you and he cannot manage to do it on his own, he may need some counseling to see if there is an underlying problem preventing him from expressing his feelings openly.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

I absolutely believe in marriage. My personal opinion is that the only difference between marriage and living together is commitment. Marriage requires a higher level of commitment, is harder to break than a relationship, it makes you try harder to make things work, which is sometimes all that is needed to make it work, and most important requires thinking that he/she is the one I want to commit to for the rest of my life, yes marriages do break and divorces happen, but when you are getting married you believe it will work. I am not saying that he doesn't love you or that you should breakup with him, I am only saying that maybe he is not ready for this higher level of commitment, maybe he is still not sure, and maybe he just needs a little coaxing :) Don't push, try to talk objectively, try to find out why he is against marriage and let him know (without accusations) how you feel towards this issue, if you guys really love each other and have a solid relationship, I think you'll agree on something, either you will agree it's still not time to get married or he will agree that it's the time to do so.

Answer 3

I do believe, with the financial independence given women today, that marriage is becoming a moot point, or even a liability, as was my case.

Women are capable of independently raising a family now. The financial security that marriage once offered the children no longer is required. And getting out of a marriage costs a fortune: My divorce lawyer wants three grand to start.

So find a way to nicely tell people to butt out. He's been around longer than most fellows.

You're doing what works for you. That's what counts.

Answer 4

NOPE and over 50% of married people don't either. Marriage isn't necessarily a sign that anyone loves the other person. It's a convenient way to live to gether so that friends and family won't nag you...like what you're saying. The question you should be asking yourself is,"Do I love this guy?" If you can't say you totally do, then don't be with him. If he's good to you and respects you, that's love to a guy. Girls are sometimes all about the big white dress and all, like in a fairy tale but reality still bites in the long run. Be happy regardless of whether you're married. I'm single and very happily divorced.

Answer 5

it seems you are not happy in this relationship.. you want different things and you don't really care.. You care more about what other are going to say.. but think, how long is this going to last? if marriage for him isn't important, it will never be. And the fact he never told you he loves you...... What are you doing with him? Ask him to talk about, don't scare him and rush him to marry, just ask him what are his plans for your relationship.. If he doesn't want to listen you have to decide if you are going to follow him, or find something better.
But if you like it that way don't change things because others doesn't like it

Answer 6

I totally believe in marriage. When I do get married I want it to be forever. I believe that even when you have problems in your marriage you can make it work. As long as you love each other and keep GOD in your marriage and you got married for the right reasons in the first place, you can over come any adversity that you may face in your marriage.

Answer 7

Marriage ought to be just important for the guy as it is for the girl.
I have been married for 20 years. My husband is my best friend. We share the same values, beliefs and political views. He is irreplaceable as a partner-nobody can compare. Trust and love is so important.
I wouldn't second guess anybodies devotion for you, it would be best to have a straight talk with him. If he shys away from your concerns take that as not being completly honest with you.

Answer 8

Marriage is a COMMITMENT that two people make for life to honor, love, and cherish each other. Why on earth would you want to build a future with a man that isn't willing to make that kind of a commitment to you? Is THAT the kind of man you want fathering your children? Or are you thinking that there are no consiquences for having sex all the time?

Answer 9

If you decide to get married make sure it for all the right reasons--not pressure. As for your question, no, I don't believe in marriage bc of my bad experience. I was married for eight years and did love my wife unconditionally and in return all I received was lies, infidelity,and a broken heart.
For me, it is hard to believe in marriage after going through this ordeal, so if everything is going fine why ruin it by getting married?

Answer 10

Why do you say you don't believe in marriage and then act insecure over lack of commitment? A marriage is a public act where people share their commitment with their community it is a celebration of a couple's love. You say you don't believe in this but it is exactly what you want. You want him to publicly decree in front of you and your doubting and rude family and friends that he loves you. You want marriage.