Mmm guitar guy
Wanting to receive his look
I glare over the crowded bar
Sitting in a seductive manner
As he chills playing the guitar.
Addictive green eyes with depth
Spiked jet black hair so cool
Words coming from soft juicy lips
Id love to join him on that stool.
Words with mystery and emotion
He sings so manly and deep
I think I’m falling for guitar guy
Helping myself to a little peep.
i wander if he does private songs
Oh the music he plays what a beat
He knows how to work a crowd
No one else I know could compete.
The stool he leaves
He stands up a body so defined
He squeezes past me gives a wink
Dirty thoughts run in my mind.
Wondering should I follow
I can see the good looking gent
Creep up behind connect lips?
Mm I can still smell his scent.
I strut my stuff and give the look
I am going to take the chance
With my long lashes i flutter
Guitar guys almost in trance.
he Moves his hands all over my hips
As he docks out his smoke
Are lips connect as we make out
Yet we haven’t even spoke.
He’s called back by a lady
Once again on the stage
The girls are really obsessed
Their mad for him, tut-tut teenage.
It’s the end the crowds begin to leave
Taking a bow he picks up his guitar
as he gropes my curves he asks
"Want to join me in my car?"
Having lots of fun
In the back their we play
Could he get any greater?
Amazing n intense, that’s all Ill say.
We had one last kiss as he says" ive
Finished" lighting up a smoke
He smugly said i should go
Yes guitar guy left me, heartbroke.
© emma
2007-07-04 00:56:01 · 5 answers · asked by xoxfrozenkissesxox 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
You write well. Is that how you deal with heart-break (among other things)? Nice.
2007-07-04 01:05:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hello Emma,
This actually reads more like a short story to me with poetic elements or a monologue. Outside of some basic usage errors which you can get on an edit, I think it reads well. You would probably have to trim it down a bit to make it more fully a poem. It was a good read though--thanks.
2007-07-04 04:19:43 · answer #2 · answered by Todd 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your story is vivid, but the poem is unbalanced and needs vital punctuation to give it acceptable, grammatical form.
Learn the differences between 'are' and 'our,' 'their' and 'there.' Also, study the line wherein it says:
Amazing n intense, that's all Ill say."
Go over the entire poem and be most critical of balance, punctuation, and form. Cut out unnecessary words whenever possible.
2007-07-04 01:36:27 · answer #3 · answered by Guitarpicker 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's good. Well done on the punctuation. Just a few corrections.
Are lips connect as we make out = "are" should be "Our"
In the back their we play = "their" should be "there"
2007-07-04 01:10:17 · answer #4 · answered by Cinnibuns 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Reminds me of my "good old days" LOL Wish I was young again running with the band-boys. Sigh.
2007-07-04 05:29:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋