I had an affair a few months back with an old boyfriend. he dosen't live in the same state but i can't get him out of my head. He 2 has a family but he tells me he dosen't love the mother. I have spoken to him but we haven't resolved our issues. I think he has feelings for me but I don't see a future for us. We were great bed pals but that all. I do love my husband but I think the other guy wants more. he's even thinking of moving over these ways for work and his family will stay back. Even his siblings want him to come over as I am good friends with his sisters. They have no idea about us. Please any advice will be appreciated.
2007-07-04 00:34:38 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think as hard it may be... if you want your current marriage to last.. try to break off the friendship. If there is no future in it its best to let it go.
Try and be faithful to your husband cuz i'm sure he loves you very much!
2007-07-04 00:59:17 · answer #1 · answered by ClaraYuki 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Are you serious?!? Do you really think this is what your life was intended to be? Do you really think this will fulfill you and make you a better person?? Divorce destroys lives!!!! Let's see, there's your husband, your boyfriend's wife, and his kids (you didn't say if you had kids). So, you'll throw away your husband (oh, but you love him so.....), you'll be responsible for your boyfriend tossing his wife aside (can you live with that??), and finally, you will get to be the woman who wrecks the outlook, dreams, wishes and desires of little kids..... Oh, I'm sure they'll just get over it, right??
OK, I'm done chewing you out. Here's the thing. You have tremendous potential as a human being. You can use it for good, or you can use it to hurt others.
Admit to yourself, and tell your guy friend, that YOU MADE A MISTAKE. Both of you did. The best thing for you to do is not see each other. Tell him to stop looking for ajob near you. Both of you need to get past this thing. The feelings you are having now will go away. Please, please trust me, they will. You will eventually get to a point where you wonder how you could have ever done that.
Change something about your life. Add something new. Take a class at a local college, go to church, pursue new interests, whatever you do, do it WITH YOUR HUSBAND. Whatever you do, do it together.
Here's another tip. When he gets home from work, or when you see each other at the end your work days, EVERY DAY, get alone and give him 20 seconds. 20 seconds to just hold him, rub his back, kiss him, whatever. If 20 seconds turns into 20 minutes, that's great. In fact, today make sure it does. HE is the guy who committed to you. HE is the one who comes home to you every night and shares his life with you. HE is building his life around you. HE is the one who YOU are building your life around and have committed to. You and your husband share the deepest, most beautiful thoughts, ideas, wishes, dreams and hopes of your lives. You share none of that with your boyfriend. What you already have with your husband is far greater that what you could ever have with anyone else. And it can get even better, unless you ruin it. Stay with the guy who you know loves you and has committed his life to you. Forget the other guy, as hard as it may be. It will get better, better than you can imagine right now.
Good luck.
2007-07-04 08:19:24 · answer #2 · answered by JustAskin 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Do you really want to hear it?
1. You say you love your husband and have an affair with an old boyfriend.
By doing this you, you look like a little girl who wants all the candies in the shop.But as an adult you certainly know that we cannot get it all.
2. The guy has a family too
Do you really want to be responsible for a broken family because you just want a thrilling performance? That's not wise and i hope you will never experience something like that yourself.
3.What about your husband?
I am sure you know precisely what would be your reaction if your man was having an affair too.If you really love him as you said, stop doing silly things and live your life with him.
If your man is a great guy, you will have eternal regrets when you lose his love.
4.Your friendship with his siblings
I think your old enough to understand that you can have a health relationship with his relatives without going to bed with him.If not, it means that you need to buy another personality...
2007-07-04 08:06:47 · answer #3 · answered by jys 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
SO far all he has done is talk. Maybe all he is doing is talking. Even if he does move for the work part only is he looking for you to just be able to get some anytime he wants? There;s a big step between free NSA sex and having a relationship. You two broke up once before so be cautious, don't jump thinking he wants more. You know its easier to just get the milk then take care of the cow. In that time pay attention to what is going aruond and what would happen if you made a drastic change and if he really would or not especially with his kids.
2007-07-04 08:05:13 · answer #4 · answered by JoeP 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hunny, nothing good comes of something bad, and an affair is bad all the way around. The pain it causes is so devastateing and irreversible. Even if you are forgiven, it will always be in the back of his mind. Your marriage will never be the same. And if you KNOW it would never work, then don't waste your time. Remember Karma is a M. F. What goes around comes around. How would you feel? Why not leave instead of cheat? I think your marriage should come first cuz that vow was made to God. And ya can't play with Him. Besides you married him, so he must be worth something. I think u should try to save your marriage. Good luck!!!!!
2007-07-04 08:44:18 · answer #5 · answered by lovin_my_wes 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have known that you were going to get a lot of negative responses to your question. My advice, stay away from this man and come clean with your husband, before someone else does. You need to cut contact with him as well as his family. You are going to regret having a fling with someone who obviously has issues with commitment, for you or his family. An old boyfriend? Something was wrong before, what makes you think it will be better now? Be honest with your husband and work on the real relationship.
2007-07-04 08:47:01 · answer #6 · answered by ransdoll90 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe how you say, "we were great bed pals but that's all" as if it weren't any big deal. Do you realize you may have already destroyed lives?! Is the fact that he supposedly doesn't love the mother of his children supposed to make this excusable? You let this whole thing happen, you're going to have to figure out how to stop the train now. I strongly suggest a confession to your husband whom you say you love. Your actions certainly don't show that, but if you wish to salvage anything you shouldn't keep this secret from him. There are always consequences from cheating. I hope you stop this thing and make sure it stays done.
2007-07-04 08:30:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You had to know the backlash for this question was going to be strong, but I actually admire you for having the courage to ask for advice given your situation.
My question is what makes your old boyfriend exciting over your husband? Is it possible that if you talk to your husband about what you feel you are missing in bed that you can get this feeling from him too?
Even if someone takes the kids and you hook up in a hotel room for a wild night? Or taking your husband and showing him what you like step by step?
Maybe you can learn to love the one your with and be with him exclusively if he can fill the gap that is driving you to your old boyfriend.
2007-07-04 11:47:36 · answer #8 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My question, why did you do it?
I am not going to judge you or call you names, I am not that type of person, considering everyone is human. People fall all the time, it's just your good when you admit that you have, and your willing to change it.
Free will. We all fall. Cast the first stone.
I would say, end it and find out what you lack in your relationship with your husband. If it's excitement, then if you continue then it will become a routine. and boredom.
Don't worry, its okay. We all fall.
2007-07-04 10:43:09 · answer #9 · answered by thighsocks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your a lowlife that has no true love for her husband or family. Get a divorce and quit stabbing him in the back. Was your BED PAL worth doing this to your whole family?
2007-07-04 08:39:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just think you're a disgusting pig.....same for him.
You deserve each other. Cheating is wrong If you don't have the guts to leave your husband and carry on with your own life then you should keep 'it' in your pants. And you do NOT love your husband. You don't go screw around with another man and claim that you love someone. You're a fake and a phony and a cheating little skank.
2007-07-04 07:54:16 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋