How do you handle sex after molestation?

Question

When I was younger, I was molested by a teacher. How do you handle sex afterwards? Honestly, I still break into tears from time to time out of fear. What should I do?

Answer 1

I'm very sorry for you. Bastard the teacher! don't force you... I don't know if the signs of that violence can ever be cancelled.. but I wish you may find a loving person, who can appreciate you for what you are and never ask, let you open up slowly, and regain the confidence in yourself and in love, and henceforth, loving sex.

Answer 2

Big things-

-- dont rush yourself. You dont HAVE to have sex until you WANT to. Or, if you have been having sex and don't feel like it anymore, that is okay too. You can take a break from sex. You can decide only to do certain sexual activities and not others. You are the boss of you.
-- pick an understanding partner. A good man or woman will understand, stop the sexual activity if you want to, and not make you feel bad about it.
-- listen to yourself. Maybe certain things are "triggers", reminding you of the molestation.
-- remember that what you are going through is NORMAL. And any and all feelings you have are okay.
-- don't get down on yourself for how you react.

Answer 3

A happy childhood passes too quickly while a sad childhood lasts a life time! The repercussions of what happened will have an effect on you for the rest of your life, but you do have the choice to alter your perception of the ordeal. (Reactive to sympathy of others or proactive to prevent others from being assaulted or prevent long term damage from assaults).

When I worked in trauma settings I used to tell patients to choose to feel the pain of what happened for three months (any set amount of time)- this includes denial, anger and depression then choose a date that you will put this incident behind you and move on. During this time expose the facts to anyone who will listen and use the feedback to help you move on (which you are doing by asking this question).

As for sex, just wait until you are ready. Forcing it will feel like another violation and waiting for the right time will feel really good.

It is easy to remain a victim because there are so many good people in the world who will feel sorry for you. On the other hand, you have an unique experience that few other people know first hand and therefore you have the ability to help other sexually abused children and adult survivors of sexual abuse cope.

Most communities have women’s crisis centers to help you deal with your hurt. The quicker you deal with it, the quicker you can move on to stabilizing your life. Also most communities now have SAFE and SANE programs to help new victims prosecute their offender and deal with the long term affects of sexual assault. Each team has a trained volunteer assigned to each victim to help them cope and get through the ordeal. If you feel strong enough to confront your past, getting trained to help others by becoming a sexual assault advocate volunteer may be therapeutic for you and also give you hope that there is an end to your pain at some point because you are helping someone else put an end to their pain in a positive way. Another possibility may be forming a survival support group or seeking one in your area.

By no means am I trying to belittle your legitimate fears. I just feel that the actual assault is a relatively short time compared to a life time and no one should allow this short time to dominate or ruin an otherwise wonderful life. There are better things to focus on.

I am sorry that you experienced this betrayal as a child and I will wish on a star that you are able to reach resolve with this.

Answer 4

i had a rough and sometimes traumatic upbringing and i harbored some hard feelings and resentments that i somehow knew that i had to put into perspective if i was going to live my own life by on own terms. that being said, i always remember these important words " if you bring the past into the present then how can there be a future".

you are a product of your past, find the way to come to terms with it, then leave it behind. find the closure you need. accept the person that you are and strive to be the person you want to be and don't allow any hurdles to hold you back.

also i hope this helps, it is my favorite prayer and i have it all over my home, because it helps me cope with the stresses of everyday life.

" god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference"


good luck and god bless,

Answer 5

I think you should try therapy. To help you resolve the anger and resentment you feel. About what was done to you. Also it is very important that you remember that the one who should feel bad is the one who did you harm not you. If someone took advantage that you were a child or of the authority their position afforded. To do harm. That is no fault of yours. Though it was something sexual don't look at it like that. It was abuse like any other kind. It had and has nothing to do with who you choose to be as a woman. Now you are older and you know what some people are capable of. That will help you in not letting it happen again. I hope you told on the person. So that he or she gets punished for what they did. And so the world knows what kind of person he or she is. Always remember abuse is the abusers fault not ours. As a child I was abused by both parents. I look at it as their fault. Also as a child at one time a family member tried to get fresh with me. That was my mothers fault. For not watching after her children like she should have. As a woman I have had men trying and taking advantage of me. I also see it as their fault. Why should I feel bad because they are scum.

Answer 6

The first time is hard after being molested.

Be sure that you love the person you are going to give yourself to... Be sure to tell the person what happens and that they understand your fears...

Don't let them push you into it... It needs to be in your time...

Take it slow... like I said the first time is hard... very hard!!! You might cry the whole time through... but after you will see that the other person loves you, and did nothing wrong...

Then the next time should be better (It could take a few times...)

I know how you feel sugar... I have been there before...