Is happiness overrated in marriage, should we try and experience everything else as well?

Question

I've been think of a lot of foolish behavior this past couple of days because for the fact I just moved back with my wife after a 3 month Separation.

Strange behavior from wife mainly she wants sex at a drop of a dime.
Then their her uncle my friend who's marriage is falling apart after he confessed that they been in an open marriage for 3 years, and it's heading for Divorce!

I sat down with my wife last evening before I was told about the Impending divorce of her UNCLE and we had a great talk about what went through her mind before I left , the emotional Affair with her HIGH SCHOOL 1st love, and what she felt like when I suggested we consider a divorce, but instead worked out our problems and are still working on them now but for the 1st time I feel it's in a positive manner instead of one thats been fueled by anger, hatred, even VIOLENCE. Her 1st love and I had a few angry punches thrown at one another, he lost went home to wife who kicked him out! He's done this 3 times before!

With everything that went on the one thing that kept popping up in conversations either our marriage or other is WERE NOT HAPPY!
I ask is happiness OVER RATED?

Because I was not really happy at the prospect of trying to work out our marriage and returning home to wife and kids, but now I'm here with no real expectations I happy, not blissful but happy and at point I do get blissful but feel like If I don't work at it it may be gone.

I'm working hard and hope our marriage get better and finally found out that it not always about happiness it , about LOVE, HATE, ANGER, CHARITY, RESPECT, FRIENDSHIP and more!
All having their place that must be acknowledged for a healthy marriage, this is one of the REASONS I'm so anger at her UNCLE and his wife because they disrespected their marriage and other people who do the same LOOKING for happiness they never EARNED!

What do you think?
Would you rather be happy 24/7 or work at happiness for a better marriage with all scares that come with it?

Answer 1

Marriage is plenty of work. It is well worth it, if you find your best friend, your closest family, your biggest fan, and a good lover all rolled into one. Sometimes we all have to disagree. There are even times that we dislike each other for something. The key is to try not to involve anyone else in the problem, try to come to a compromise, if necessary, and do not stray outside of the marriage.

Cheating is always cheating unless you have completely dissolved the marriage or relationship. It never has and never will make a marriage stronger or better. Cheating, even if the two parties agree to it, will always cause more problems than it is worth. The grass on the other side of the fence always looks greener, until you get close enough to see the brown spots!!

Answer 2

Well if I had a choice, I would choose the happiness 24/7. However, I believe that love isn't the powerful lust and attraction that is felt in the beginning, love is staying together and being there when you want to fire up the car and rip out. Love is sticking through the not so great times, and the not so happy times, and doing it because you're committed to the relationship. I don't think that happiness is over-rated, its a goal and sometimes easier attained than other times. I don't think one should chuck the whole happy goal out the window, although it can get in the way of enjoying or even being satisfied with things just being okay. Its fine to just be okay once in a while so long as there are happy times too.

Answer 3

I couldn't stay with someone I wasn't happy with, but that doesn't mean I expect to be happy 24/7 in my marriage. That's just unrealistic! I think that newlyweds are like that, but after a while it changes.
My husband and I have one of the best marriages that I know of, and our friends and family would tell you the same. We argue rarely, and when we do it hardly ever involves yelling at one another. ( As a matter of fact, I could probably count on one hand how many times we've yelled at each other in our ten years of marriage) But marriage isn't all about the happiness! So much more comes along with it, and if you're with the right person, you're going to face all that other stuff together.
In any relationship, you don't just stick around in the good times, you're there for the bad times and hard times as well!

Answer 4

I think when you're feeling all the sad, angry, jelous, hurt, lonliness, and none of the happy...that's when it becomes all consuming.

It's not about happy, but it's a great deal of it. No, we shouldn't all be prancing around the house in taffeta dresses throwing rose petals from a white wicker basket singing ode to joy...but dang, wouldn't it be nice a few times a week to smile?! Or even enjoy a nice, long warm kiss?

Answer 5

Happiness is a state of mind, and can be achieved regardless of our physical circumstances. The only thing you can really control is how you feel, how you react to the universe. Happiness is not exclusive to marriages just as sadness is not exclusive to divorce. What each of us can do is search for comfort with ourselves. If you can't be happy with yourself, then how can you expect to be happy with anybody else. So work on being happy with you. Learn to like and love yourself, to accept yourself, without judgment. If you can do this, then you can be happy anywhere...even in marriage. Those who find happiness in a situation have first found happiness in themselves.

Answer 6

I know the feeling I am in love with a guy that was arranged and he is now married and expecting his first child. his wife is horrible she is not he one for him at all even the family hates her. Now I cant say anything to him about how I feel because I am afraid I would lose him as a friend. but he is all I think about.