My husband says he never wanted kids and that i "made" him have them. He loves our son, but doesn't want to put any effort into raising him...let alone our 5 month old twins! He says it's my job and that he makes the money. He always says i made him have kids whenever we get in a fight!!! I just want some advice so I can show this to him to make him realize what he keeps saying is terrible! I feel like if he never wanted kids, but loves them and keeps saying this he really doesn't deserve to have them in his life at all and that i should just take the kids away.....
2007-07-03 18:21:02 · 12 answers · asked by amaus22 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well if he never wanted kids then he could have taken care of that a LOOONG time ago...or made sure he practiced "safe sex". Clearly he does not realize that it's his fault you got pregnant, it's not like you raped him in the middle of the night and MADE him give you his spermies. He really does have some issues...they are his children and he should grown up and put forth the effort to not be a deadbeat dad.
2007-07-03 18:31:12 · answer #1 · answered by Jamie C 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This makes me kind of angry. If he didn't want kids, why did he have sex. People know what happens when you have sex. Whatever your stance on abortion is (I'm assuming pro-life in the case of your kids), he should have known it before you two where married. Don't feel guilty you didn't make those kids by yourself and you shouldn't have to raise them by yourself. You said he doesn't want to put any effort into raising your son, or your twins, and he says he loves them? Sounds like a fair-weather friend, only this is your husband. This isn't the 1950's it's not your "job" to raise the kids, it's a choice (I'm not knocking SAHM at all btw). Tell him if he didn't want kids he shouldn't have got married to you (I'm assuming you wanted kids someday) and/or had sex with you. It's Biology 101. If this is beginning to become a huge problem, maybe you should seek counseling seems like there is some underlying issues. Maybe he feels resentful towards the kids because he wasn't ready (not an excuse) to have kids and takes it out on you (still not excusable) because you gave birth to them (not your fault)
2007-07-03 18:33:06 · answer #2 · answered by ♥Ani♥ 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think your husband needs medical help and fast, he almost sound bi-poler, or he need to grow up, it takes two to make a child and if he really didn't want kids there is a little operation to take care of that issue I know I had one after our third child was born.
I had it done because it was easier for me to have it done then for my wife. I wish I could say more but I think I covered the main issue and you sound like you already know the answer and what needs to be done.
2007-07-03 18:29:40 · answer #3 · answered by Navy POP 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is giving you a cop out, he is probably overwhelmed by the new babies, and how much time they take away from him, but that in no way excuses his words. He is very immature and insensitive. For him to say things like that about his own flesh and blood is wrong, but some men think that going to work is enough, my dad was like this, and wonders why we don't have a close relationship now that we are adults. HMMMM!
2007-07-03 18:33:57 · answer #4 · answered by Vegas 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
They're his kids too; as a father he has fatherly responsibilities to protect and provide a fatherly influence (spend time, teach, care) for his children. You have a job as their mother but that doesn't take away from his fatherly responsibilities.
Patiently share your concerns with your husband (while maintaining respect for another) and try to understand him (his concerns, fears, etc.), and ask him to play a greater role and that the children need him/need a father as well.
Show your husband you're genuinely concerned for him as well!
Blaming, pointing fingers (not that I am suggesting you do such) will do more damage to your relationship than help.
2007-07-03 18:27:54 · answer #5 · answered by greenwich 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
okay, that is a horrible thing to say and i pray the kids are not hearing this. people do say cruel things in the heat of the moment, but this is crossing the line.
record him while you are fighting and play it back to him when things are calmed down. that would make me cry.
oh, and him saying he does not deserve the kids is on the other scale of bad, like he is making excuses. he has issues.
2007-07-03 18:26:18 · answer #6 · answered by Christina V 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't see how this is your fault. You didn't get pregnant, by yourself. The only thing you can do is talk to him, marriage counseling is always a option. What he is saying is awful, if things don't change your children will feel unloved/unwanted. Your husband has a lot of growing up to do.
2007-07-03 18:31:42 · answer #7 · answered by redneckcowgirlmo 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
dont do that. if he is still spending time with the kids that is better than that. but if they start hearing him saying he wishes he never had them that could be real detrimental so either tell him to knock it off or if he doesnt you dont want them around hearing that cause ti will damage thier self esteem. and tell him if he didnt watn kids he shoulda kept his dick in his pants and they are BOTH your guys' kids and BOTH your responsbiltiy
2007-07-03 19:04:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
And this is why people should stop bugging we Child-Free folks to have kids. We make bad parents.
2007-07-03 18:27:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Say that your kids deserve a daddy and tell him if he won't be one you'll go out and find one........... oh, and one more thing ......... it's your fault that his sperm found it's way down there.......... twice?
2007-07-03 18:25:32 · answer #10 · answered by cutie 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋