I don't think he likes me very much. I try to include him in all of our family activities but, he never has much to do with me. I don't know what else to do. Any ideas?
2007-07-03 17:30:58 · 20 answers · asked by ncgirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Teenagers are not always willing to accept a step parent as much as younger kids. Look for an opportunity to show him that you do care about him like he was your own child. Listen to him when he has problems at school or girlfriend issues. If he sees you truly listen to him, you will gain his trust. Offer advice and let him know you are there for him.
2007-07-03 17:49:02 · answer #1 · answered by Tex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he probally doesn't like you too much now because he still feels bad about his parents separation and it hurts him. Think about when you were young and if you had parents that remarried and then maybe you can kinda see how he feels.Maybe he just needs time to come around. I don't know how recently he came into your life, but always be good to him and he will see that and remember that and he will know deep down that you are a good person and eventualy it won't be so hard on him. I would keep including him in the family activies and let him come around on his own. Forsing him to do it anyways will only make him feel more mad. You could tell him I know that this is all hard to adjust to but I really want to get to know you and I would never want to take the place of your mother I just am wanting to get to know you and try it at that. Otherwise ask your husband for some advice, because he should know his son good. Just an idea. Hope it helps. Good luck to you and I hope you guys have a really good relationship someday.
2007-07-04 00:47:48 · answer #2 · answered by Kodycat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is so not easy. You have several things against you. First, fathers have better chance bonding with teenage boys because they were once like that so they can learn to speak their language. Second, even biological mothers can't get close to teenage sons even though they were close when younger. Teenage boys change from year to year as they grow bigger and learn more street stuff from their peers, they just think they are smarter and not feel like talking, period.
Third, they know about the divorce situation and probably are forced into a living situation they don't like but they too old to cry about it. So they take it out on the environment and you are part of that environment.
Only a selected group of boys are into sports (compared to before, they are now into video games or online chats. They need a peer group to "hang together", not adults. The most you can do is to help find similar boys for him to hang with. He won't deal with you.
2007-07-04 00:40:07 · answer #3 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, he's a teenager. I have a hard time bonding with my own son and I'm a social worker. When kids are that age, there is alot going on for them. Their bodies are changing, hormones are running the gammat and the thought of them spending "family time" together has them opting to chew and swallow broken glass. I guess in their eyes, we are crowding them and they only want to spend time with their friends.
I do have a suggestion that I often recommend because it's worked with my own boys...and it's a bit manipulative, but it works wonders. When my husband is at work, I'll often ask for my son's help with things and then laugh and joke around while we are doing whatever the task may be. I literally bought a book shelf (that I didn't need)that he helped me assemble. I'm not sure we followed the instructions, but he got to keep it in his room and it's a constant joke between us. Alot of times it's going to be the little things that will bring his guard down. Don't buy his affection and trust...earn it. And in doing those little things...you will. It's just a matter of time. Then you can bring on the family fun outings. too much too fast and he'll shut down on you. So go and loosen a door knob, shove something on a top shelf, or if you're truly desperate...buy a book shelf, just do something that has the two of you working together and bonding.
2007-07-04 00:43:02 · answer #4 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My new wife has had the same problem. My son was 16 when my wife, "Kat" and got married. He seemed to resent her no matter what she did for him. She made sure he was included in all family activities and so forth. What finally made the difference was Kat telling him, she was not his mother, was not trying to be his mother, and did not want to replace his mother. She then added a personal touch of things that she did for him. She would perhaps make his favorite dish and let everyone know this meal was HIS idea. Maybe she would go out of her way just for him. I even told her to defend him in an argument with me. He finally came around.
2007-07-04 00:40:32 · answer #5 · answered by Lynk 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My step son isn't a teen just yet, but I think this might help. Try to get involved in some of the things he likes to do. I know Austin my step son love to build things, so I bought him a model car and we put it together. Now I knew nothing about models but that is what made it interesting because he helped me learn and we boned that way. It is worth a try. Even if your first idea doesn't work keep going back you have to have to be willing to go the long way. Keeping offering him things that he likes to do and he will come around in time. Good luck.
2007-07-04 00:37:14 · answer #6 · answered by Midnight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm trying to bond with my wifes teenage son....The best way I know so far is don't try to "mother" him...instead try to be his friend. Make it clear subtlely that you are not a replacement for his mother but an addition to his mother, and how lucky he is to have 2 female influences in his life. Just be the "cool" influence on him, be his friend. Be "real" with him. Eventually he will trust and respect you. I don't know his age..but get in tune with the lingo he uses and what he likes to do....if you find tid bits of trivia that he is interested in it will show him that you care and are interested in what he thinks. Primarily... just be his friend.
2007-07-04 00:49:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be your self, and let him know you want to get close, that you are not there to replace anyone ( mom) you are there as a new member of the family and you would like for him to give you a chance, that you understand it will take time, and It would be nice if he give u a chance
2007-07-04 00:40:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, if you push yourself on him, the further he is going to back away - don't try so hard, He may just be of the age where any adult really isn't someone he wants to be around - don't take it so personally. You don't have to be his buddy - as long as he respects you and your role in your husband's life - that is really all that matters.
2007-07-04 00:43:06 · answer #9 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of good info in this book even if he's not your teenager....
How to Really Love Your Teenager, Ross Campbell
2007-07-04 01:05:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋