DO you know a marriage that has gone bust because of Open MARRIAGE, or SWINGING?

Question

I now know 8 couples 2 ( my sister & wifes Uncle) couples are family members all of witch have been in either an open marriage or swinging and all are now divorce or getting divorced!

Is it me or don't people think about what the the "WHAT IF" part of the equation?

MY ADMISSION I'M AGAINST THE WHOLE IDEA AND WONT HAVE FRIENDS IN MY HOME WHO SWING OR HAVE AN OPEN MARRIAGE BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPEN TO MY NEPHEW, HIS SAFETY AND OUR KIDS WILL ALWAYS BE FIRST!

My questions are these:

1) If your in a SWINGING or OPEN MARRIAGE why?
a) what do you get out of it?
b) If you family found out and strongly objected would you stop or continue your way of life?

2) Does anyone know of a successful couple who swing or are in an open marriage? __EXPLAIN PLEASE__
a) Have tried to get you to participate?

3) Does anyone here know of a couple, friends or family that tried this and lost everything family included?
Like my Sister or uncle? __EXPLAIN__

Not trying to throw stones.
Want explanation.

Answer 1

That's a lot of questions rolled into one honey, but I see your point. I'm just not so sure too many people are going to take the time to clear things up for you, so I'm hoping what I offer helps.

I want to make myself clear that I am not a swinger, never have been or never will be...BUT, I use to bartend and every six months, there would be a swingers convention in our hall. Ten years, I listened to stories of how things go bad and ten years I witnessed them changing partners, getting divorced and moving on like they were in some type of race to see who lands who first. It was sickening and after a few years of seeing it, I started asking questions out of curiosity. Much like you, I wanted to know what drives people to do this even knowing the "what if" aspect. I was told by just about everyone, it started off as a way to spice up the sex life. Then it escalates into feelings and those feelings end up ripping up the marriage.

As for seeing any couple that has ever survived this? No, that I have not seen. It would take years for some, but eventually they all ended in divorce.

Answer 2

The :official" meaning of marriage is defined - marriage n. the joining of a male and female in matrimony by a person qualified by law to perform the ceremony (a minister, priest, judge, justice of the peace, or some similar official), after having obtained a valid marriage license (which requires a blood test for venereal disease in about a third of the states and a waiting period from one to five days in several). The problem with "open" marraige is that both parties have to concent to bring in others. When you add to a two situation and both dont agree completely, and agree on ground rules then someone gets hurt. So why bother with mariage if you want to add others. Just not a great concept to me. Most people dont have that great of communication skills...if your stepping into open marriage you need to be able to talk openly about anything, and be able to live with what you say yes to.

Answer 3

"Not trying to throw stones.
Want explanation."

I was disappointed to hear that you won't let swingers across your home's threshold, like we're vampires or something, but I admire your openness to hearing the other side of the story.

"1) If your in a SWINGING or OPEN MARRIAGE why?
a) what do you get out of it?"

The satisfaction of knowing that we're each giving one another a life that few others dare to hope for. All the excitement and fun of the single life, but none of the emotional seclusion. The single person drags herself home after a fabulously fun night, alone, throws her keys on the table, and tells her cat all about her night. The cat just wants to be fed and pooped on the floor.
But swingers get to drag themselves home after a fabulously fun night, dead tired, but still they tear one anothers' clothes off because they couldn't wait to get back to their room/house to be alone. The fun of the past few hours was just foreplay. And when they've fully worn themselves out (a few times...I kid you not), they go to sleep holding one another, smiling and blissfully happy, having shared something phenomenal It's the openness of being able to share such a thing together that makes it so good.

"b) If you family found out and strongly objected would you stop or continue your way of life? "

I'd tell them to mind their own bloody business! We're talking about our very personal sex life here. Despite the "public" appearance of swinging, the fact that we choose to share our bed with a few select friends does NOT mean we are open to the idea of having sex in public places, in front of minors, in front of people who are offended by it, etc. And it sure doesn't mean that we're okay with others thinking that they have a right to police our sexual habits. We're not harming anyone.

"2) Does anyone know of a successful couple who swing or are in an open marriage? __EXPLAIN PLEASE__"

Um...yes. :) That would be us. Actually, I know of several couples who have had much success with swinging. 10, 15, 20 years and more. They've remarked that they're often mistaken for newlyweds. Not sure how much explanation you're looking for.

"a) Have [they] tried to get you to participate?"

There's a right way and a wrong way to go about swinging. It's unethical, irresponsible and counter-productive to try to "recruit" non-swinging couples into the lifestyle just because you happen to be attracted to them. If they're putting off the 'swinger' vibe (pinging your "playdar"), you would very carefully feel them out and engage in some very mild flirting and see how they react. At the slightest negative reaction, you stop. Period.

"3) Does anyone here know of a couple, friends or family that tried this and lost everything family included?"

I've heard of this happening, but don't know of any personally. A bit like an urban legend, no? But I'd have to say, even if I did know them personally, it would be no trouble at all to point out PRECISELY why they failed. In every single case, swinging is merely the method...not the cause. For example, guns don't kill people; people kill people. Hand an idiot a gun and see what happens. Two idiots decide to swing. Guess what happens?

I dunno. I guess I'm biased because, as I've said, I've seen all the good that comes from it. My husband commented on that once, "If only people could get past the sex part of it so they could see all the positive things. But people can't seem to get past it. It's all they see."

Answer 4

i seriously doubt if any previous answerers of have ever participated in any of these activities, so they have no experience where they speak... i also seriously doubt if everyone who swings is so deranged that they ll molest your kids or hire 15 year olds to off the spouse..... i also dont doubt tthat all these people you refer to had marriages that were no good or ending to begin with...it never ceases to amaze me that people answer questions here that dont know a damn thing about the subject...im not sure why youre asking this/these questions.. you already have your mind made up...

Answer 5

At 2 separate times in my life I have had co workers who led this type of life and both relationships ended in divorce. One lady agreed to it for her husband and he became insanely jealous. The other couple had been swinging for a couple of years when they both decided they wanted to marry someone they were swinging with. Bitter, bitter divorce.
I find this lifestyle deplorable.

Answer 6

well saw a case like this on snapped where this white couple invited a black dude into their bedroom. well lets just say the black dude rocked her world so much that she started to hate her husband and couldnt stand him touching her so she coaxed their 15 yr old daughter into killing the dad (stepdad ) so she can marry the black dude. true story on oxygen channel. SNAPPED

Answer 7

it sound like you did the best things, this kind of stuff is
crazy, some people like the challege,but to me it too
much drama, and something that i would not want any
part of. good for you.

Answer 8

no i dont and this is why they are getting divorced i am glad you didnt follow ther actions on this matter . many can gt.std.s from this way of life . in my opion?