Why are we as black women so competitive and jealous towards one another?

Question

I am a 24 year old light-skinned black woman, who is intelligent,very secure with myself, and a generally good and decent person. I have always wondered why it is always other races that seem to flock to me, but the majority ( not all ) of black women, 9 especially here in Missouri) are so rude, jealous, and just generally don't like me BEFORE they hear me speak 2 words. Some people tell me it's because I'm pretty, and I'm light-skinned, but that doesn't make sense, because their are so many pretty black women out there. I am always one to compliment a black woman when she looks nice, but I bet you'll hardly ever hear a young black woman compliment me. They just look me up and down like " who she think she is". Why are we so insecure, and jealous as black women, instead of loving and accepting each other? Why are so many of us hating on Halle, and Beyonce..is it because they're pretty and talented?? I'd appreciate different perspectives on this issue. Can't we just love each other?

Answer 1

Honestly, most of the issues we as black people are all results of slavery.
Don't get me wrong I am not the type of black guy that goes around blaming white people for all my problems but when you really think about it and process everything, slavery has had an lasting effect on us.
I am not trying to get to emotional but women in general are like that alot. (NOT ALL)
Black men do it to. You can witness that first hand in the rap community with all the ingoing rap beefs and in the projects.
Most don't like to see someone else shine unless they are with them.
Don't let them make you feel less of a person.
Do your thing and shine.

Answer 2

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RE:
Why are we as black women so competitive and jealous towards one another?
I am a 24 year old light-skinned black woman, who is intelligent,very secure with myself, and a generally good and decent person. I have always wondered why it is always other races that seem to flock to me, but the majority ( not all ) of black women, 9 especially here in Missouri) are so rude,...

Answer 3

Please don't think that it's just a black thing. People tend to be most jealous of those who are most like themselves. I'm white and I have never had anyone jealous of me except other white women and only ones near my age and fairly close in intelligence and social and economic status. I have worked and lived with people of many different backgrounds and I've seen the same thing happen with several women. I have to admit I fight the same tendecy in myself. It's the little differences that kill what could be a real friendship.

Answer 4

I would say that it is (dont hate me for speaking truth) ALL women that are that way more or less towards each other. You all are quite vicious sometimes and very good at cutting down another woman. As far as the ethnicity i might be able to help a little. I am 1/4 Native/Siha Sapa band of the Sioux nation and when i visit i hear quite often remarks about "full-blood" people and remarks about "mutts". Sometimes an oppressed people may be a bit discriminating towards their own kind when they are mixed, ESPECIALLY with white blood. I would say that once they get to know you they would probably change their opinion. Unless you like me "act too white". Hope that makes sense.

Answer 5

I love Beyonce & Halle. I dont know why black woman are catty. Sometimes we can be just like kids fighting for a mothers attention. Only difference is that I think a lot of women are fighting for the attention of a man. Which takes me to my next point...a lot of us never had fathers so we seek attention from men.

I think some women are jealous of others because of that whole "crabs in a barrel" theory. Some ppl just dont want others to have more than they do or else they get jealous.

Answer 6

well you just answered your own question - you live in missouri. im from north and from my understanding, isnt there more racial tension down there? maybe its the fact that your light skinned or you hang around other races. i mean people of any race, for the majority in the present day, tend to "flock" to their own race. i have friends from all different races, thankfully but when i was younger (in like 6th grade) i got the whole "she wants to be white" but im kind of an outgoing person so i would just go up to black girls and talk to them. i dont really have any issues now. you cant generalize black women based on your own limited experience and the media doesnt help either. it has more to do with environment and socioeconomics than race. i know plenty of black girls who arent jealous. some hate it when i brag about things and they're more open about it than some other girls i know. but overall, girls IN GENERAL are this way. step outside of missouri and you'll see it among white girls asian girls hispanic girls etc.


and just a quick question ....if you're secure with yourself, how do you find so much time to feed into the attitudes and critisms of others and come to the conclusion that they're jealous? it could be a whole spectrum of other scenarios trust me. and btw - beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Answer 7

First off, the reason people are hatting on Halle and Beyonce types is because many people are tired of seeing the same old images of black women especially in the media. Mixed looking, lightskin, long hair is really all you see on t.v. now and in the past of black women so this is why many, sisters especially began to point out faults in them. If they had more of a true reflection of black women that includes Halles and Beyonces plus darkskin, not mixed, short hair, black women then maybe people especially sisters wouldn't hate on it.
Secondly, many sisters are very competitive and jealous towards one another and not just because of complexions because I observed it even in the work place when it came down to other differences like status. This is unfortunate especially when it comes to complexions but our culture does put lighter skinned women on pedistals as the image of beauty but degrades and ignores sisters who don't have those qualities so how do you expect them to react? Can't love eachother until you have love for yourself first and the culture that we live in teaches blacks that are dark or have kinky hair that they are unattractive which makes it hard for many to love themselves thus not each other.
Thirdly, some women are just naturally insecure because if you seem to keep running into black women that don't seem to like you, maybe its something other then your complexion. I'm darkskin and I personally prefer darkskin and brownskin over lightskin anyday but I would never be mean or competitive with lightskin girls because to me its nothing to be jealous of. Not just for me but for most other gorgeous black women who don't look mixed or lightskin. Light might be the best to many but not to everyone but in the media the images are very one sided and becomes monotonous.

Answer 8

I don't hate on Beyonce or Halle if anything I praise them for being able to crossover and be so successful not just in the black community even IF it maybe just because they are lighter skinned. And yes it is more than likely the fact that you are lighter skinned that SOME black women are "hating" on you I have seen that happen first hand. Hell one of my cousins is super bright yellow and she still "hates" on other light skinned black chicks its ridiculous. NOT ALL black women are like that but the some of the few that I know have shown that. Just be you. If someone judges you based upon your appearance than they are not worth knowing at all anyway imo. It is a sad thing in our community. =(

Answer 9

I think it is a self-esteem type of thing. Black women are stereotyped so often some times it is just easier to fall into the stereotype. I also think it is b/c we are at the bottom of society in a way so the only people we could criticize is ourselves. I think we just need to realize how beautiful black women, or women period are and stop hatin period b/c if we all looked the same it would just be weird ; )

Answer 10

Interesting because i am also on the recieving end. I am medium dark and have plenty of light-skinned friends. I guess you can say I'm successful...im in grad school ..i have my own CPA firm..there are just so many haters out there.

But here is my problem..i have very straight hair naturally and i ALWAYS have bi-racial females that seem to hate me for this. I notice that with some of my friends they have insecurity regarding their fair skin....but i have darker skin and the "hair that they are suppose to have" i think its soooo crazy because i get attitude from lightskinned sisters and dark skinned ones...and its JUST hair .... but you will be surprised at the nerve it strikes..i have two other girlfriends that are mixed with brazilian and are very dark they have straight hair also..and its the SAME story.

I hate to turn the tables ..but many many light skinned females have a issue with me as a medium dark person and i have gotten remarks " pretty to be dark" from some and other rude things from women i dont even know.

I already have friends of different shades and races ....but in day to day life i encounter women who are insecure with themselves and its like no matter what i do they do not want to be friendly with me.

Its really insecurity. I have one on-again-off-again light skin pal that is only my friend when she is single...but when she got a man i dont hear from her like she dont want him to see me.....if its YOUR man then you should not have anything to worry about..but thats insecurity for you...it messes up relationships and all kinds of things...