My father inlaw is always putting me down...help?

Question

many different times my father inlaw has yelled at me to the point where i cry. He yells at my children, tells me i am a bad mother and is always making fat jokes towards me. My husband never stands up for me and i'm dealing with that, but i have now decided to not see my father inlaw anymore, is that wrong or do i have that right because of the way he treats me? My husband is worried that it will effect their relationship but i am not stopping my husband from seeing him. It may be weird at first, but i think its weirder when i'm crying and hes yelling at me...someone help me.......

My husband and his father work together and he feels if he stands up they wont be able to work together anymore.

to the person who asked why my father in law thinks i'm a bad mom....My daughter got angry and threw some crayons on the floors i told her to pick them up, she would'nt so she got a spanking and could not play anymore, he then told my daughter who is three that she does'nt deserve a d*mn thing and next time she comes over she can stay in the yard. he then told me i was a horrible parent because i did'nt beat her as*. The time before he told me i was a slut for inviting my husbands cousin who he does'nt like to our wedding...and the time before that he told me i was a bad wife because i did'nt do enough for my husband, that i did'nt help him enough and that i was not "there" for my husband when he needed me. I have never in my life been talked to like he speaks to me, and my husband has been warned that i will not be the only person to defend myself, he will help or he will not be around

Answer 1

Sweetheart, you are totally right. Your father n law has NO right to treat you that way and NO one on this earth would scream at my kids...over my dead body. You don't need to feel bad about not seeing him and if he screams and treats your kids that way, I'd not let them go either. If your husband has a problem with it, TOUGH. He should be a man and stand up to his dad and tell his dad to respect his wife and children or there will be no relationship, it's UNCALLED FOR! I would not stand for any of my family disrespecting my spouse or children. Your husband may have to see them, but he has to live with you, tell your husband to get some balls...And, he doesn't have to disrespect his dad to let him know either, all he has to do is respectfully say...Dad, respect my wife and children or we will not be coming anymore...end of story. Don't you dare let any of them guilt you for doing what you are doing, I think you are doing the right thing.

Answer 2

first off ur father-in-law is a freakin' tail hole, and ur husband. Both of them need to be on maury when dat black motivational talker be on there. Every woman should and deserves to be treated like a queen, not the peasant. Yo husband needs to say "hey look dad i don't appreciate u talkin' bout my wife like dat cuz u don't wont me talkin' bout u nor yo wife." And yo father in law needs to learn a lesson or 2 about respect. If he had a weight problem he wouldn't wont nobody talkin bout how fat he is. To answer ur 2nd question in essence u would be effecting their relationship because when u got married to him yall became 1 w/o u there is no him and w/o him there is no u. U and ur father-in-law not speaking may seem like a good idea right now but it is harmful in the long run. Even though it may seem like i'm on his side i'm not i totally agree w/u on ur decisions, it's just i am the type of person that looks at the situation from everybody's point of view and then decide on what i do.

-With every decision that u make someone will be happy and someone will be upset-

I commend u for staying married this long!!

Answer 3

You need to stand up for yourself!! Your father in law sounds like a miserable old man who has control freak issues and then only way to have control over someone is to control them through verbal abuse and manipulation. Your father in law is just that.. YOUR FATHER IN LAW!! He is NOT your damn daddy and I am sure that even your own father would not do such a thing. You need to sit down with your father in law and let him know how this makes you feel and if that does not work, let me give you a few pointers.

1. The next time he makes jokes about you being fat, tell him that you may be fat, but he will be narcissistic and ugly forver.
2. Whe he tells you you are a bad mom, point out the fact that his pu$$y of a son can't even defend his own wife when she is beiong belittled. He did not raise a man that can stand up for himself, so who the hell is he to talk about paretning?
3. STOP GOING AROUND HIM. If your husband and his dad have a good relationship, then NOTHING you do is going to change that. Forget about the relationship, what about your self esteem and mental well being??

Girlfriend, since your husband is too much of a coward to defend you, stand up for yourself. If YOU MUST be around him for the sake of the kids and talking to him like and adult does not work, ignore him and keep your head high. Laugh off his comments and DO NOT CRY. That allows him the power he has over you!!

Answer 4

Well im sorry to hear about your situation. In-laws can deffinently be annoying and difficult to deal with. Your doing the right thing by saying that you won't see him. Do you let him see your children? And if you do, make sure your husband is with them so that your father in-law doesn't do anything. If you and your husband, or just your husband thinks it's wrong to do that, and never see him or talk to him again, then you should tell your husband to man up and deffend you, he married you, not your father. So your the one that comes first and if his father is doing something that you don't like, you do the right thing for you. Best wishes.

Answer 5

Your father inlaw has issues. Because my ex-father inlaw did me the same way. After I told him one day that I will not be treated that way by him. He looked at my ex-husband and said are you going to let her say that to me. He didn't say a word and walked away. But I told my ex I've had enough. I will not disrespected in of my children anymore. You just tell your husband that he needs to talk his Dad. Because he should stand up for you and he knows that......

Answer 6

You are completely right to stop seeing him and your husband is a stupid idiot. Nice the way he doens't stick up for his own wife! Your in law needs to be put in his place for the SOB he is, but in lieu of telling him off, you ahve EVERY right to not see him. And your kids shouldn't see him either. My god, your husband must be a fool to let you go through this and your kids. But if he won;t stand up, you MUST. Your in law is a BULLY and sometimes the only way to stop them is to ignore them. Let him go bully someone else. He is a small, small-minded person. You are completely in the right here. In fact, I would think it was odd if you did see him, and let your kids be around such a person. Good luck! SOme people are just mean and get their kicks out of making other people feel bad. Stay far away from these people, even if they are family! They need to learn this is not appropriate.

Answer 7

Been there, done that, and you are riding on a screaming, brakeless freight train for divorce. This situation is going to kill your marriage, unless your husband has the guts to put dear-daddy in his place.

In my family, once you got married, THAT was your family... your husband, your children. You never put your birth family aside, but they became second on the priority list. My mom and dad were fine with this, maybe because they had a happy union themselves and didn't feel the need to keep controlling their adult children?

I could tell you horror stories (which you'd barely believe, but all true) about my ex-husband's late dad!! I have a forgiving nature and chalked alot of it up to "coming from the old country", but in the end there was no excuse for the abuse, nor was there an excuse for my ex's refusal to defend me, HIS WIFE!!

So, my best advice is to lay down the law with your husband: either he stops being Mr. Wussy-boy with his dad and sticks up for you, or you file divorce papers pronto.

Answer 8

seems like you have landed yourself in a family with a father that thinks negartive of anything you and your children and thats not good for you are your children. maybe you should let your husband be his sounding board and stay clear of this man he is sick and need help no one deserves to be treated the way he do you and your children. these kinds of men keep other self esteem down because they do not feel good about themselves. what makes it even worse the children and you might have to take care of him one day who knows what will happen when he will really need you all and after doing you so bad i have seen it happen many times

Answer 9

You have every right to not be abused by your husband's father. He should be ashamed of himself. Your husband has no courage if he allows that to go on.

I wouldn't go around him at all either. You are an adult and you don't need anyone being mean to you or your kids.

You can tell your father in law that you will not be around him any longer because of his abuse to you and your kids. Stand up for yourself. You are in the right. You don't have to put up with that kind of treatment from anyone. Your husband can go be abused by him, I wouldn't even let him in your house either. Tell him to stay out and away from you and the kids.

Answer 10

Your husband's first responsibility is to you. He must speak up to him...what's his mother say about all of this? And, my goodness, what kiond of husband is he that allows his wife to be moved to tears and he says NOTHING? Pitiful excuse for a man, I am sorry. I would be firm that I would not spend one more second in that man's presense and just wait for the holidays to roll around...I hope everyone is uncomfortable--as uncomfortable as you are when your FIL opens his fat mouth. If he calls or starts trash, flat out tell him his behavior is unacceptable, and you're no longer going to subject yourself to it. He can harrass someone else, but his days of running you down have passed.