Is it ok to mostly stay to oneself?

Question

Is it ok to mostly stay to oneself?

I think i am an introverted and I feel better when I spend time mostly to myself but people around me are more outgoing and sometimes when I am around people I don't really know what to say and at times I am afraid that I may say the wrong things and embarrass myself. As a result people tend to well ignore me because I am not as outgoing as those who are around me and it makes me uncomfortable with who I am. It makes me uncomfortable in my own skin and I am starting to get tired of trying to be somebody that I am not. I dont understand why I am the way I am but I can't do anything about it. i don't even know anymore....

Answer 1

I'm the same exact way, thats weird because you just summed me up too. I think its okay to be that way. It really depends on who you are and what you like and who is around. Some people will look at you weird if you don't talk but thats just because they talk all the time. Some of us are observers and prefer not to get involved but to listen instead. I don't engage in any conversations either unless it is important to me. I would rather listen to others, and theres nothing wrong with that. I've also heard "if you don't like who you are change it". But it's difficult when you've been a certain way your whole life. So what i say is who cares what anyone thinks, just be proud to be the way you are. I'm glad i'm quiet and I like to be alone so just try to relax and be comfortable with yourself. You'll soon recognize that you like that part of yourself.

Answer 2

Oh my god, it's like looking in a mirror :) This is something I battle with constantly. From my earliest days I've felt alien from other people (I'm 30) and I know it can be very lonely and debilitating when you can't communicate well.

So I've been studying this of myself for years and the conclusion I've drawn is that the key is to relax; just relax. Examination will only overcomplicate. Anxiety comes from making comparisons where none need to be made. Set aside time regularly where you just breathe, let go, and relax. If any negative feelings come creeping in, gently let them go. And when you've reached a level where you're completely relaxed without a care in the world (which might take a bit of practice), indulge in it as long as you can. Swim in that feeling, roll around in it, coz that's you. That's the true you and it shines beautifully. If you're asking what that has to do with it then you're overthinking. Let it go and just relax. Eventually your mind and body will get used to not being tense and will assume that attitude naturally. It seems impossible now, but notice how plants grow by infinitesimal degrees, surely and steadily; you can do the same.

Of course, I'm not saying it's not okay to be introverted, but I think that part of why we're here on Earth is to interact with each other and if you don't want to learn to do that this lifetime, that's okay. You can look at it next lifetime. Personally though, I'm dealing with it now so I won't have to deal with it next lifetime.

As I said before, I'm still battling this problem myself (which only exacerbates it) and your question has reminded me that I've been veering away from where I want to be, so thanks for that :)

There's a lot more that I want to say but this is already far too long so I'll just leave it at that. I hope this has helped somehow.

Answer 3

It is very ok to be oneself. I used to be quite social (yet quiet) but I used to be anxious too. Now I have chosen to be alone more, and more detached from things (you can look into some Eastern religions about this type of method of living) but I am more at peace than ever. This is mainly due to achieving goals I have always wanted threfefore I can relax more in life (I am now 36). As you grow, and mature, you will learn and hopefully become wiser and thus you can choose your path better. Being detached is fine, but you must be able to still be rational, social to a degree, and be able to work. Then you may have an introverted life that is better than some social extroverted lives. Being uncomfortable and ignored is quite common in life as some values are wanted more because they adapt more to this World, especially as humans are social creatures and like to be nosy, and thus introverts are seen as backwards. But this is not true because we too generate life's progress by acknowledging people 'characters' and showing more compassion and understanding rather than their acknowledging one's 'abilities' and showing off which extroverts do more of. Be yourself but be wiser, then being introverted can be really interesting, and even fun. It is embarassing when you cannot work out scenarios or control them, and you may not know what to say ( I still don't) but as long as you do not feel inferior too much then you health and sanity should be ok. Good luck.

Answer 4

A lot of people are to themselves. It's ok to be that way. Im that way sometimes, and you shouldn't get mad at yourself for just being that way. Because thats who you are. If you dont like being that way, just be really outgoing to people. It might be weird the first couple times you do it. But dont be afraid. Because in the end, you'll love who you have become. =]

Answer 5

Go to your nearest bookstore and find a book on the art of body language. You can learn scientific techniques for building rapport with others, such as mirroring. You can also learn to create conversation and keep it moving. Not everyone who is outgoing was born that way, this is a skill that you can learn. Like some people can naturally play the piano by ear, others have to be taught, but you CAN be taught.

Answer 6

yes it is OK to be introverted.We can not all be gadflies. I have a friend who actually apologized for being introverted thinking it was a fault. How sad that someone has been made to feel that wanting, needing to be alone a lot is a defect of character.

Introverts in my opinion are rather more evolved than many of us who like to be validated in everything we are, think,do and say. I am more of an extrovert and need attention. and I envy you. Your self assurance will grow.There are no explanations necessary.

Self sufficiency is virtue. Be proud of your Independence and self reliance. Seek only confidence.

Answer 7

No. At least not with your description.

There is nothing wrong with you. Avoiding embarrassment is a very difficult thing for some people to overcome. Avoiding embarrassment is different from appreciating solitude. Embarrassment is a very unpleasant emotion, however, it can be overcome.

It is quite different though, if you are choosing to be yourself and that person prefers time alone.

Answer 8

Part of being human is being social. Human beings are social animals. In isolation humans have proven to go crazy. What you need to do is bit by bit go out more. Don't be afraid to have conversations; they are living and naturally flow. People are quite forgiving when others say the wrong things, you can't be afraid of speaking up just because you are afraid of hurting someone's feelings.

You might be surprised and not hurt anyone's feelings at all, they might acutally agree with what you say! And that, is a great feeling that can be addictive and lead to friendships.

Good luck!

Edit: You know it's kind of amazing how this thread has lots of responses offering support for the poster. Things like "it's ok to be who you are" "Don't be ashamed of yourself"

I am sorry but I believe these types of comments to be understood without having to be said. The poster is asking for help and said she is not comfortable with herself.

If a person is not happy, what should he/she do? He or she needs to evaluate his or her life and take control of it. This means make a change. Take a risk. You will be happy you did it. Some people have said they enjoy being introverted and that's all fine and dandy, but the poster does not enjoy it and you are not her. It might be ok for you to feel that way, but it is obviously not ok for her. Why adivse her to stay trapped inside her world of uncomfortableness? Help her break out of her shell and become the person that she wants to be. Give ideas and suggestions on how she can be more comfortable.

I am sorry but saying that she is fine is not offering help. I think it is just a lazy answer. She wants to get out! Please don't try to convince her otherwise.

Answer 9

It is fine. I don't talk much either.
People tend to form their opinions of what kind of person I am, based on what they are feeling. Snobby people think I am a snob mean people think I am mean and so forth. It is fun to watch some times.
I can go for days without speaking but people get real uncomfortable if they are around me and I don't interact.
Eventually you'll find people who understand you and will like you for your traits.

Answer 10

I really think Your confidence is real low, try fixing yourself up, and dont be afraid you will say anything stupid, so what if you do, you will probably get a laugh out of it, and so will your friends. People, need people, and you cant be alone all your life. give your self a chance, dont be hard on yourself
GOOD LUCK!.