My wife has Breast Cancer and gave me permission to get "some" on the side during treatment... should I?

Question

We have been happily married for almost 8 years and have done some pretty wild things together sexually during our marriage. We're not jealous people and we get quite turned on when we see each other get hit on.

I thought she was joking around with me about this until she recently asked one of her girlfriends to "recruit" some potential partners for me. If she's pushing for this, should I let it happen?

Okay, I see the general concensus is "NO"... which I thought it would be. However, I did mention that we have done some pretty wild things sexually in the past. So, you can take that comment where you want in order to get the whole picture. We have been through A LOT in 8 years of marriage and believe it or not, we're still both close to 30 years old. And to you "men bashers" out there that only read the question and not consider the other size of the shoe, I simply asked the question in order to get a balanced look on what's going on in her head. This has been hard on both of us and we are both not thinking clearly right now. We have already been going through this for 3 months and I would have "gotten some" if I really wanted to. My concern is keeping her alive and I have no intentions of doing anything to hinder that process. We don't test one another and we're best friends, so we openly talk about ALL things that are on our minds!

Answer 1

I've not read your other answers but... I'd like to chime in and I hope that I can help wayyyy wayyyy on down here in the list of your Answers.

I'd say that she's telling you to go have some "fun" because she does not want to feel like an anchor weighing you down. Based on what you've described, it sounds like you have a solid (and rare) relationship. I can only assume that those who have given you emotionally charged advice have not been as fortunate as you (and are thus, unbelieving, untrusting, and unhelpful!).

I think that in your heart, you will find that the "on the side" will be unfulfilling. Even though you have had a spicy relationship with your wife, I believe that you are truly dedicated to her. That said, your physical needs may be temporarily met by the "side dishes" but your emotional needs may be left wanting. That's good though, because that speaks well of your relationship with your wife.

I believe that your wife will still be able to have some spicy fun during her breast cancer treatment. But, perhaps she is concerned that she will not be as attractive to you in her "sickened" state or in her states of recovery. So, I'd make sure that you let her know that you still find her El Numero Uno in your eyes. I realize that you've told us that you've got that super lucky relationship thing going, and I do not doubt that. However, her telling you to look for the "side dishes" may be her also telling you that she is feeling self-conscious. In her recovery, she is trying to be self-less and put your interests before her own. That's okay -- we do that in healthy relationships. Just make sure that you tell her that she's The One and you're her #1 and let her know how attractive you find her throughout her recovery. Good luck to you both.

Answer 2

Of course you should. Just because you had a wild marriage sexually. This is the real test of your marriage for sure. Its not just about having hot and wild sex and things like that. To really show you love her in the good times and the bad you stick by her. Cancer is the most serious thing there is that can take anyone away from us. You need to be her husband, not just some guy that is happy to drop her at any moment to have more sex with people that just don't matter. Besides think about why those times were hot in the first place for you. They were hot because your wife was there with you and you enjoyed that, probably even loved that. But now its time to say that I'm going to be with you regardless of the wild nights we had. I'm here as your loving and devoted partner, who is very commited to you through the good and the bad.

Answer 3

I know she probably means well, but at this stage in her life, having cancer, she is not really giving you permission for this to happen. She might feel guilty because she can't give you the "wild thing". Hang in there if you can, support her during the treatment. It won't last forever. I have a problem with you messing around with someone, your wife's girlfriend, sets you up with. There are too many STD's out there. I'm getting ready to start radiation in a few days. I too have breast cancer. I know that my emotional roller coaster is not in a position to make life altering decisions, where my marriage is concerned. Thank her kindly for worrying about you ... but right now, everything should be about her.

Answer 4

She is feeling guilty that things have changed between you during her illness. She is also afraid that you will cheat, so she would rather have it out in the open than be played a fool and hurt. A part of her may also be afraid that she will die and you will be left alone. She may be having friends look for dates for you so that she will know you aren't lonely and grieving and so that you will know she is ok with you loving another after she is gone.

No matter if it is one or all of those, this is NOT a good time to try an open marriage.

Answer 5

Considering the situation, I would not do it. Even if she thinks it will be okay, she will probably not be okay with it after you slept with someone else. She is going through a tough time and you should focus on only her.

In my previous marriage, we considered doing the swapping partners thing and even met 1 couple. Although we didn't do anything, we were both not the same after seriously considering sleeping with someone else. We both lost trust with each other after that point, and we fell out of love with each other. I wouldn't go down that path if you really love her and want your marriage to survive. I went down this path, and the marriage failed.

Answer 6

Well, you said that you have done some "wild things" together during your marriage, that leads me to believe that you don't hold the monogomy in the same regard as most people. That is perfectly fine, to each his own. I say that if she is making an effort to find partners for you, and you have done this type of thing before, then as long as you are 100 percent sure that this is what she REALLY wants, then you should do it. Just be really sure and please make sure that your time with the "other woman" doesn't interfere with your time with your wife, she needs you more than ever right now. IF she expresses any regret whatsoever about the whole thing, then you stop it IMMEDIATELY. Be careful and Good Luck to you both.

Answer 7

If you love your wife, don`t do it! Some women, when the face things like this are not thinking straight. When it is all over with though, both of you will end up having regrets....Please tell her to stop pushing you, your energy needs to be focused on her and helping her get through the trials she is facing. If she can suffer through pain, chemotherapy and surgery and loosing her womanhood for a short time, than you can most certainly suffer though some time without sex.

Answer 8

Nope -- even nonetheless I had a chemo habitual it is everyday for inflicting hair loss. My hair in basic terms slightly thinned. Chemotherapy would reason hair loss purely on your head (as an occasion), or it may fall out throughout your physique. you could lose your eye lashes, pubic hair, leg hair, etc. or you could lose it in one spot and not in others. it rather is totally guy or woman and intensely based on the drug(s) you're given. Radiation scientific care will oftentimes reason hair loss contained in the area being dealt with. at times this hair won't improve lower back. some maximum cancers would properly be dealt with with surgical treatment on my own, which shouldn't reason hair loss, possibly apart from the scarred area.

Answer 9

I have always tried to be the cool, laid back wife. Never the jealous type, I trust and let my husband do pretty much what he pleases. BUT -- he does know that I expect him to be faithful and better never give me a reason to doubt him.

That being said, it sounds like she is afraid of her own future (death), and thinks she is being "the better person" by satisfying you sexually when she is unable to (or won't be around to). Understand that there is more to a relationship than sex. Now more than ever, you need to let her know how desirable she is to you, how important to you she is, and how very loved she is even if she looks and feels like hell. She is on a hard road right now. If you chose to be unfaithful to her, I think deep down inside it would hurt her even if she encouraged it. She may never tell you how she feels deep down inside, but there would be no greater evidence of your commitment to her than by not getting "some" on the side.

Good luck to you both.....

Answer 10

Now that you've had your head bit off by the entire yahoo answer gang. I suggest you seriously ask yourself WTF kind of person you are. I mean sometimes when really bad things are going on something really good comes out if it.
You might find the world does not revolve around your needs.
You might see that doing the right thing has it merit and you might also find out that most people will do the right thing at the most difficult times.
I really hope she pulls out of this & you guys will be closer than ever before.
Good luck God bless.