A friend of ours seems to really believe that she's the hottest thing on the face of this earth... she's not. If society were to catergorize her, she'd be a couple notches below a "plain jane". Yet, she's demeaning to people who do not fit the "status-quo" when it comes to looks. This gets very annoying to a lot of us. If we were to tell her flat out that she's not that attractive, she would throw a hissy fit, and become more irritable. She does have a good side- or else we wouldn't be her friends- but her demoralization of others needs to stop. How would you handle this?
2007-07-03 10:26:43 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Scape-goating = blaming others to take the light off you.
I suspect she already knows that she's plain. So, when she picks on others, she is in fact picking on herself --- her own insecurity is coming through.
You can't tear down her dilusion with words. Rather, listen to what she's tearing down (is it the nose, fashion, weight) and then find ways to help her feel comfortable with these (at a later time). Also taking "Competition" out of her mind set helps her to stop scape-goating. Letting her know that you accept her good and bad traites. Best friends always do this!
2007-07-03 10:36:23 · answer #1 · answered by Giggly Giraffe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, brutal honesty can ruin a friendship, but there comes a time in one's life, where honesty truly is the best policy. She needs to realize that she is not the almighty person, nor one of perfection and beauty. To be honest, no one fits that category. Of course, everyone does have a good side that is why we keep people as friends, but when you get sick of it, you get sick of it. So you can either deal with it for the rest of your life as her friend, or tell her how you feel and hope that she tones it down a notch.
Apparently (as I am going through a similar situation with a friend) when people tell you that they want the truth, they really don't. I think it is all in the delivery of the truth, although, some people just can't handle the absolute fact that something they have done or do annoys other people.
If I were you, I would tell her what you think, but say it in such a way that maybe she will understand. I know some people are just really stubborn and no matter how you say something they get on the defensive, but I think it is worth it. If she is a true friend she will get over it and appreciate the honesty. It may take some time, but I'd rather do that than live with the fact that someone believes they are perfection.
2007-07-03 10:34:35 · answer #2 · answered by manderin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps the next time she does this, make a comment like 'wow that wasn't very nice', not in a direct, confrontive way, but in a quiet general way.
Something that may get her thinking that how she is treating others may be hurting others feelings. She may not realize it.
Also if you do approach her to talk about it, perhaps don't approach it as 'you aren't attractive' approach it as 'you are less attractive when you are demeaning to others' or something similar.
After all, someone who is always downing/judging others is no fun to be around, no matter what they look like.
Good luck!
2007-07-03 10:30:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she puts someone else down, I'd be very quick to tell her that is makes you uncomfortable, that she doesn't have a right to judge others, and that if she continues to do it in front of you, you can no longer be her friend.
2007-07-03 10:30:18 · answer #4 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to sit her down, and straight out tell her that her demeaning other people is really annoying, and is turning people off.
2007-07-03 10:30:46 · answer #5 · answered by kiwi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Her 'good side' wouldnt be enough for me to put up with or observe her other side. But go for it and tell her. Her reaction will tell you all you need know about her.
2007-07-03 10:30:57 · answer #6 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋