BF had an argument with his Ex Wife, why does it bother me?

Question

I've been seeing this wonderful man for the last 7 weeks. We've known each other for about 3 months. Talked for a month and then met in person and have been dating and seeing each other once a week every week since.
We were talking yesterday early evening and all is perfectly fine, I was asking him about 4th of July Fireworks plans, he said "sorry, Wolfy has first dibs"...Wolfy is his 7 year old son from this previous marriage of his. He's currently separated from his "Whacko" Ex Wife. They've been separated 2 + years and she refuses to sign the divorce papers because she wants to squeeze every penny out of him as best as she can even though he's the one who pays for everything, his sons clothes, toys, school (private school), medical bills, etc etc. He's very active and involved in his sons life. I haven't met the kid yet...but here's the problem.

So I thought Wolfy had first dibs on going to see fireworks his father, thats all fine and good, i'm not jealous of the boys time

with his father. My bf is a very good man, and he's very active in his sons life. Its just we talked at about 5pm or so and we jokingly said to each other, well Wolfy got first dibs on 4th of July, I get Halloween then. LOL We both laughed and it was all fine..but then...5 hours later the mood totally changed..what happend you wonder ?

Wolfy had his father had made plans for 4th of july already and then his "Whacko Ex wife"..Wolfy's mom decides..NO I DONT WANT HIM SPENDING 4TH OF JULY WITH YOU even if the two of you made plans already. He said ok fine can i talk to Wolfy ? She said NO? Can I talk to him and tell him good night he said, she said NO. That's pretty much the jist of what i got..from their argument.

I called 6 hours later after our conversation and he says I dont wanna talk. We'll talk tomorrow kay ? Well tomorrow is today and we're still not talking. This has nothing to do with me. His being separated from his Ex Wife has nothing to do with me. They've been separated 2+ years. I came into this whole thing 7 weeks ago. What do i do?

Note: She left him. He didn't leave her. He has no feelings for his Ex Wife anymore what so ever. He was in Iraq 2 years ago fighting for this country and she send him an IM LEAVING YOU E-MAIL . So he got on with his life, and he's seeing me now. We're very happy together, the last 7 weeks have been the most wonderful 7 weeks of my life.

Note: I was joking about Halloween. I know how Important Halloween is for kids. He said he won't be in town on Halloween because his company send him out on a Business Trip out of town to DC. So I don't get to be with him for Halloween neither is his son.

I was joking about Halloween, because his kid beat me to the punch with the 4th of July event. :) I'm not mad at the kid. I was just joking sort of like we're trading holidays, 4th of July and Thanksgiving he gets. I get Valentines Day, Xmas and Halloween. It was just a joke. My bf understood the joke...He and His ex wife won't get back together EVER AGAIN. Its all done. but this is bugging me..how can anyone be such a B**** about their kid spending 4th of July with his father? Just trade him a holiday for peets sake ?

They're splitting the kid right now as is anyway, 1 week he has him for the whole week, one week she has him for the whole week. This just happend to be the week where she has him for the whole week..but so what ?

Answer 1

You think he still have feelings for her!

Answer 2

I agree with 'goofy328'. Depending on the state you're in, the divorce should be done if he has signed the papers. The ex-wife need not sign them. I got divorced and never signed anything.

As for what to do with your situation, you have to understand that having fights with his ex-wife will put him in a sour mood. This has likely been ongoing since before his separation (which would explain his separation). It doesn't matter that it has nothing to do with you. He's in a bad mood, and the two of you have not known each other long enough for him to have learned to share this with you or to depend on your support. Either give him time to adjust, or get out of the relationship. I recommend you just tell him that you know he's having a hard time and that you're always there for him if he needs you. Don't push the issue - at least not so early in the relationship. If you pressure him, he'll be running the other way before you know it.

Answer 3

I think seven weeks isn't a long time for you to get involve and in the middle of this...It's been two years you said that he has been separated so imagine how much longer he's going to have to continue dealing with this...I understand how you must feel about the situation because your feelings are involve with him but, his problems with his "ex" should really have no affects to you...When you enter a person's life who still is dealing with an "ex" with a child or children, those are things that are for life....If you can't deal with them now, you won't be able to later...These are simply his issues and no matter what you will be always on the side line due to this and his son....Eventally, this may be just the beginning of your not so happy endings....

Answer 4

Displaced dads are sensitive to women who may not understand the intensity of the connection between a parent and a child. That cute little joke about Halloween may have given him pause because that's one of the main holidays for children in the year. I'm sure everything will be fine, but you're a new couple and you're still both feeling each other out...and he's likely very concerned about how well you will fit in to the picture of his broader responsibility: being daddy. That's not going to change and it's not a "pick and choose" situation because no girlfriend is ever going to survive the cut. But if you're understanding enough, you may be able to blend in...and if your boyfriend feels comfortable enough that you can do that, he'll introduce you to his child.

Answer 5

I feel you. My Ex has gone back to her high school sweetheart. She has broke up with him twice before, and she told me that it drove her crazy how he would shut her off, how his mother hated her, how he would want to spend alone time away from her, not calling, or wanting to talk for several days. Yet she just went back to him. I know a lot of it is comfort levels. She knows him and does not have to risk starting with a stranger. It kinds of sounds like she does not know what she wants. There are a lot of tricks to get a person to reconsider a separation, none that I could ever master, but there are ways to get them to rethink the whole deal, but at the same time it would be a trust issue for me. If she left me once for him, I would always wonder if she would go back to him later on. He obviously has some hold on her, and she him, so she may have unresolved issues she wants to work on with him. That means nothing for you right now. You really need to sit down and have her explain things to you. Don't defend or fight her on issues. Talk about solutions and ideas. Tell her how you feel, and if it was me, I would tell her that you will respect her decision if she wants to leave, but you are gone if she goes because you deserve better if she does not really love her the same way you love her. Tell her it will be very hard to let her go, and whatever else you are feeling, then back away and see what happens.

Answer 6

If it bothers you then get out quickly. This man has a commitment to his sons and he sounds like he's taking it seriously. There will ALWAYS be a relationship between him and his ex - there's no way of getting around it.

This is a tough position to be in but you'd better think really hard about this.

FP

Answer 7

You're dating somebody with some heavy duty baggage. You'd better get ready for a bumpy ride. And as far as the separation goes, you're only hearing his side of it. I'd be careful before you get really hurt. I'd also beware a man who makes his former love out to be such a bad person. How do you think he'll talk about you if you have problems? Separated is not divorced.

Answer 8

Usually during an ealy stage of a relationship (and might I say your is at its infantry), guys get weary about longterm plans. You mentioning Halloween must have scared him big time; keep in mind that he's separated and so he might not be too trusting of relationships right now. He seems to be more focused on his son's wellbeing which is great.

My advice to you is to avoid the mention of anything that even suggests long term planning. Simply live every day as it comes. That's the price you pay when you date people who've got too much drama in their lives. If you think you can handle it then tough it out. Otherwise, get out now before you get too involved.

Remember, drama only compounds, it never decreases (especially when wacko ex-wives are involved!) Good luck to you.

Answer 9

now COSMO says NOT to do it, SEX IN THE CITY made comments about not doing it, every holy roller says DEFINITLY dont do it, DR. PHIL and OPRAH have had shows that say dont do it so may i ask you why in the world would a smart girl like you date a married man. he's married. PERIOD. you are a mistress....and grow up who the heck are YOU a mistress to call a wife a WHACKO. if she is such a witch then trust me they'd be divorced. he doesnt want to divorce her. because he's attached to her. and what she says means something to him. but go on with your low self esteem and delude yourself into believing you have any say or rights. you dont. there's a wife and a husband and a child...so what does that make you?? dont you dare call youself a girlfriend...I AM A GIRLFRIEND cause my man aint married, you my friend are a MISTRESS. enjoy the status, cause you're the one who believe 'she's' stalling the divorce. they arent millionaires....there is nothing to split up. and i'v been divorced and NO ONE not even a bitter wife like I was could keep a divorce from happening. you need to get wise, and love yourself to be with a man who would NEVER call the mother of his ONLY child a whacko....if that's what he thinks of her what will he think of you when eventually someone tells him you are the fool that dated him when he was married...eventually men see their mistresses for who they are. even when they end up marrying them. my ex's wife who was his mistress spends her days and nites flirting online with strangers.....gee once a wh0re always a wh0re.

Answer 10

whatever happened it is none of your business. You don't even know if it was a fight with his ex, from how you wrote the question.

It could be that you talking about things so far in the future bothered him. halloween is a long time away, and it isn't like you have been dating very long, nor is he actually divorced yet.

Answer 11

He does not have an EX-wife. He has a WIFE. They are not divorced. YOU got nothing.
He could drag this out for 10 years. You still wanna be on the outside looking in?
All ex-wives are "Whackos." You will be, too, one day. He married her, he loved her once, he needs to grow a spine and get out of there. Take custody of his son if he can. Or figure out how to equitably take care of his WIFE and child.
My advice?
Tell him you really like him and you think there is a chance for this to go somewhere. Tell him you would like to get to know and love his son. Tell him YOU appreciate SO much that he is a HANDS-ON dad, and you really respect him for that.
Then tell him to call you when he is FREE to date. He should not be seeing anyone-she can use it in court-esp if she has pictures of you two kissing or leaving his home.
He could get divorced TODAY if he wanted to, whether she likes it or not. He is playing you for free nookie with no commitment.
Surely, you deserve better.
It is a really bad idea to date men with small kids, if you are not REAL secure and grown-up. You are always going to be 2nd fiddle-until they are grown. It is a really bad idea to date men who think their problems are all about a whacko EX and nothing to do with THEM. What does he think of his mother? Is he sweet to her, or disrespectful? Is he close or mean to her? FLASHING RED LIGHT!!!
Good luck on this one. This is NONE of your business. Stay out of it completely. Smile pretty. When you have wasted 2 years of your life on this guy, you will rate a say.