If you're a child of divorced parents....would you mind telling me your story? Or life after the divorce?

Question

...I guess children all feel strange after their parents are divorced, (and I'm 13 myself)... but I don't know if this is just me being pitiful... but would anybody mind sharing?

I know I'm not the only one out there.

I just seriously don't want to live with my dad... (they're not officially divorced yet.) I guess I've always grown up afraid of him.. but I'm not afraid to admit now.. He is no longer human. It might be harsh for me to say things about him like that, but I just don't want to live with a father that hit his wife three times.

What can I do? He says he will take me and my younger sister and brother. He can't even take care of ONE child....how's he supposed to care for us all.

And I don't know my real mom since she died giving birth to me, so I guess I just don't want a third mother...

Answer 1

My parents were divorced after 25 years of marriage. I was already grown and in the Air Force but it was still a blow to me. The worst part was that my Mom told me that my Dad didn't want anything to do with me anymore and she told my Dad that I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Neither was true. It took some time but my Dad and I finally talked things out and we now have a good relationship. It's bad when the parents try to put you in the middle. I know this is hard for you, just try to remember that it has nothing to do with you, it's their problem. Unfortunately, people do fall out of love. Do your best to stay neutral and get involved with your friends or hobbies to keep your mind busy. Tell your parents what you are feeling, they need to know. Everything will work out and things will calm down after a while. I wish you the best and just know that you're not alone. So many kids are going through the same thing.

Answer 2

Where do I start? I can honestly say that my parents' divorce really messed me and my sister up bad! I was a straight A student and started getting F's. The same with my sister. We both started ditching in high school and eventually dropped out. Since then, I realized I was being an idiot and I went back and got my diploma. I'm in college right now. My sister is really screwed up. She has been in several abusive relationships. She was with a guy that was 30 when she was 16. I married my first boyfriend and am having trust issues. In the back of my head, I think he will hurt me like my dad hurt my mom. My sister and I both have trust issues with our guys. My sister isn't in school at all. She loses job after job. She steals from people and probably will end up in jail. I learned my lesson early and started living my own life. My sister hasn't. My dad cheated on my mom their whole marriage. So, it's still hard for us to deal with. I'm 21 now and my sister is 19. The divorce happened when I was 11 and she was 9.

Answer 3

Hey Moon,

I'm sorry. You may feel pitiful and that's OK for a little while. Please give yourself some grace and let yourself process it.

My parents divorced when I was 3. Mom took the 4 of us kids from Indianapolis, IN across the country to San Bernardino, CA with Dad's OK. I only saw him one time very briefly between the ages of 3 and 37, that was when I was 18 . You can see that story here if you like ---> http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=At5ueO1g3AWFCHTSUoOOgo3ty6IX?qid=20070620213528AAFtCUg&show=7#profile-info-64JUu39haa)
I always told myself that I was fine with my family just the way we were... that was a self preservation mechanism because the truth is, I missed my dad very deeply on many levels without even knowing it was him that I missed.
I grew up fine and healthy and mostly happy, which I know with all of my heart was the grace of God because I did not have examples of love or acceptance as a child. I love my parents dearly and I know my mom did the best she knew how to at the time. We kind of grew up together in a sense. She is an amazing woman.

You're going to be alright Baby. Feel it, but don't wallow in it, OK?

I hope you will bless and be blessed today.
.

Answer 4

There is nothing the matter with you, it is normal to feel the way you do. You are older, it is going to affect you differently.

My mother and father divorced when I was three (I believe) The only memories I have of my mother living at home were of her yelling at me about my messy room, always going somewhere and bringing me along. I slept in the car all the time. I have to sit up some nights just to get some comfort. (My back will hurt after laying flat down for so long)

I have twin sisters who were, a year or younger when she left. I think it is safe to say they don't remember her living at home at all.

I will tell you something important though, I have more room to say this then someone maybe age 20 or something because I was so young when they split. The divorce will end, the hurt will end, its the crap after. Some families don't have to deal with any "crap". This is, your mother and father are not happy being with each other. The best thing to do is split. It's the best thing to do on behalf of the children as well. If your parents constantly fight after the fact, PLEASE speak up. Let them know if they are hurting you in anyway. (After the fact)

It will get easier, you will get used to it. Today my father is married to our stepmother. Someone who pretty much ruled over us growing up. My mother has been married three times. There was my father, the first Mike, and now she and the second Mike are split. She has divorced with my dad (of course) and the first Mike (my half brothers father) and may divorce THIS Mike.

My life is pretty messed up, but I know its got nothing to do with me, nor can I change the fact. Time moves on, life will move on and get better. Make your life wonderful. :)

Good luck