Is it normal that my ex wife(mother to my child) and new wife can't stand the sight of each other?

Question

exwife thinks my new wife should have no say/involment with our child and should take a back seat to everything.All school/discipline/discussions about my son should be between me and my ex and my new wife should NEVER be involved.My new wife feels the only time i should talk to my exwife is if there is an emergency or a major problem with our son not for everything thing that comes up.Plus my new wife feels left out when i talk to only to my ex about a issue with my son(exampe school problem/sickness).She feels i should tell her the same stuff i tell my exwife but then my ex gets pissed as she feels its none of her concern.The bottom line is they hate each other so much all they can think about is how to make the other one miserable.

Answer 1

Very normal.. Hopefully they will both understand that they are stuck in each others lives and get use to it.. Good luck!!

Answer 2

While it is normal to feel SOME animosity or jealousy toward the ex, I think this level of hostility is NOT healthy for anyone.....but especially for your son. People forget just how smart and perceptive kids are. Just because they're short, doesn't mean they're stupid. They sense every bit of the anger, resentment, etc that goes back and forth. How do you think that makes him feel? Do you think that,in any way, encourages him to have a healthy r'ship with his new stepmother? No, it doesn't. The new wife shouldn't be looked at as competition or an enemy by your ex. In fact, it SHOULD be important to your ex that she be very patient and loving with the new wife because afterall.....this is the other adult in your son's life that will be helping to shape who he is! When a new spouse comes in the picture, it's important that person feel as if they are an equal....not only as a wife but also as a new "parent." They should be allowed to discipline - within reason and as long as she abides by the rules you and your ex have already set forth for your son. When kids know the step-parent has absolutely NO AUTHORITY, they will typically behave that way w/ that person making it that much more difficult.

It's in EVERYONE'S best interest to sit down and talk about all of this. Get it out of the way. Let your wife communicate how she'd like your new wife to be with your son - but to her face. This whole going back and forth, communicating stuff through you is so immature! You three are adults - talk it out. Right now, your ex wife is putting her EGO ahead of what's best for her son.

Answer 3

Can't we all just get along???But seriously. I think it's very childish for both of them to act this way. Your ex-wife should be happy that your new wife takes an interest in the kids. She should be worried if she didn't. I don't feel it's wrong for you to discuss the kids with your new wife. She is your wife and when she married you she was to accept those kids as her own. As far as your wife feeling you should have no communication with your ex outside of the kids, I can understand where she's coming from, but if she's secure in the marriage then she should trust you enough to know it's only casual conversation. I personally wouldn't want the two of you hating one another because there are kids involved. Too bad all 3 of you can't be friends. I think there's a lot of jealousy between the 2 of them. Ex-wife is jealous of new wife for that reason alone and new wife is jealous of your ex because she feels she gets too much of your time and attention. Your new wife is feeling left out when it comes to the kids and she should be allowed to share and enjoy in there lives. New wife should be able to share her advice and concerns, but when it comes to the decision making that should be up to you and their mother.

Answer 4

Yes I do think that happens alot! Women are very possessive and protective of their children as you know, but it sounds like your ex wife is trying to be controlling. Talk to your ex about the child and then sit down with your new wife and tell her about the conversation and what's going on. She is your partner in life now so she shouldn't be left out. Your ex wife doesn't have to know....it's none of her business what you & your new wife discuss. I do agree that you & the ex should be the ones to make the decisions regarding your child though. If it is going to change any plans you and your wife have together, then you need to make her aware and be willing to compromise sometimes. You are in a tough situation, but hopefully, it will get better with time. Maybe at some point they could talk & at least be decent to each other. Hang in there and I wish you the best. Just don't let your child become a pawn in some kind of revenge game. All of this is hard enough on a child. make him feel as secure as possible. Good luck.

Answer 5

Ahhhh i feel your pain... My husband has a child with his ex wife. She hates me and goes out of her way to make my life horrible and constantly fights with my husband about me being a part of their daughters life. It is normal for the ex and the wife to not get along i don't know many that do. However it should never come to a point where the child is NOT at the top of the list of proiritys. It is your wifes business if the child spends anytime with you and her at all, she needs to have some say in the childs life becasue if NOT and she doesn't really know the child she will feel left out and like she isn't really a part of the childs life and i can tell you from experience that that sucks and just makes you feel awful. Anyways as far as discipline goes you and your wife have to have an understanding about what will happen when child is staying with the two of you or that will also cause a major rift between you and your new wife. I know its childish for them to fight and try and make each other miserable but basically its just going to take time for each of them to get over it YEARS of time.... so be prepared because as long as you and your wife are together there is always going to have to be some kind of contact going on between all 3 of you. Hope it helps

Answer 6

Your ex is more right in this than your new wife is. You had the child with your ex, you & she are the child's only true parents. Since both of you are actively involved in the child's life, then all decisions regarding the child are up to the two of you only. If your ex was not an active parent, then sure your new wife would have say in decisions - but that is not the case here.

The only thing your new wife should be involved in is help in making the rules for your home, and taking part in the discipline if the rules are broken in your home only.

She married you knowing you were a parent. Your wife needs to grow up and accept the fact you had a child with someone else before she was in the picture, and due to that, you are tied to your ex for life, and that communication is important in parenting - regardless if you are together or not.

The other thing you need to stress to your wife is the last thing your child needs, is to be put in the middle of a war between adults. She is only hurting your child by acting like a jealous teenager.

Answer 7

That is so perfectley normal, you have to understand they both have feelings for you, your ex wife loved you and had a child for you it's only normal for her to be jelous of you with another woman no matter what she says, even if she says she doesn't care or she's moved on herself, i know how us woman are and she does care, it does bother her, and for your new wife, she is in love with you now and she can't stand your ex because she knows yall had a past together, sorta makes her jelous, she can't stand this woman because she is being so mean about yalls child...your new wife is now a part of your life and your child is part of your life therefore she should have a say in things...not the biggest say because she's not his mother but she is your new wife and she should be able to talk about your son and things...us woman get in this big jelousy cycle and give it time, maybe someday your ex will realize your new wife is not going anywhere and she'll back down and be nicer or maybe not...just be patient

Answer 8

If you left your exwife for your present wife I can understand the hatred. And good luck with that. Been there and I am the exwife. But if you met your present wife long after your divorce, I feel for you. You're caught in the middle and I'm not sure what you can do.

Answer 9

I hate to tell you this, but it is normal. It seems to happen more often than not these days.

Exwife-She has every right to ask you not to include your wife in design making when it comes to the child you share. Your wife was not part of the conception of or raising (up to this point) the child. However, you have every right to discuss things with your wife after the fact & use what she says to the childs advantage if it is helpfull.

Wife-She needs to settle down & realize that your ex is always going to be a part of your life as long as your child is living. There will be time that she has to be left out of the initial picture. If your ex is calling you only to discuse child realted issues then your wife needs to trust you enough to share with her what you feel is important.

BOTTOM LINE: They both need to realize the hostility being created is not healthy for the child. If the wife wants to remain part of your life she needs to accept that the added stress she is creating is not healthy for your marraige. The ex wife needs to consider the fact that the wife is now also part of the childs raising, even though the final descion on anything will never rest with her.

Answer 10

Im kind of in the same situation only difference is me and the guy are not married. Your current wife will always think you and your ex wife is fooling around because you have a child together. See a man wont talk about the child with the wife but yet theyll sit their for hours talking about the ex wife and how she does certain things you dont like and things like that. If you expect her to have open ears about you dwelling on your baby momma drama clue her in to whats going on concerning your son. She feels like the important stuff you need to be talking to her about you dont tell her but the chit she rather not hear about ,your quick to tell her that information. Let your ex wife no that no one is not trying to take her place in her sons life. Tell her you dont keep important issues in your life from your wife and theirs nothing more important then your son whether its a current wife or ex wife. Your ex wife is right about the disciplining part but its up to you as a man to make sure your son is not disrespecting your current wife. Keep the father son talks open. Your ex wife and your current wife are never going to get along. Your ex wife feels like you think your current wife is better which is why your with her and thats gonna stir up problems. My advice is keep the ex on ex wife status because you shouldnt have anything to talk to her about unless it is about your child. All the friendly bobbing went out the window along with the relationship. BLESS YOU and i hope i helped.

Answer 11

For one. Both of them need to grow up because no matter what you all have history and no one is going anywhere. Now your wife have to understand that you do have a child with this woman therefore communication will be needed between you and your ex wife. I do agree that all school/discipline/discussions about your son should be btw you and your ex-wife. I don't believe in any other woman disciplining someone else's child, unless its the grandmother or something. Your wife should understand that when she got involved with you, she has to accept all the baggage that you have including your son and ex-wife. It is selfish of her to try and prevent you from talking to your ex-wife especially if it is about your son. Now, if you still have some kind of feelings for your ex-wife that is different but if there is absolutely no feelings there she should have anything to worry about. She should chill out.